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Ryo's Travels
My life & journey through MY eyes.
Be Nicer to Yourself
I think we're overdue for a good check-in.

Not much has changed since the last post, I just woke up this morning feeling pretty horrible emotionally. I'm hip to the game and understand that some days are better than others, and today wasn't a great one.

I think a lot of it had to do with how utterly unproductive I've been over the past few days. To be fair, I was kinda really sick on Friday. Nothing alarming, just a regular cold/24-hr bug situation that wasn't too aggressive but going through it, it felt horrible.

I noticed that I felt off on Wednesday when I had a sore throat and I wasn't feeling great overall, I shrugged it off but as the day and the night progressed I started to feel worse. I remember watching the Democratic debate at Donald's (where Liz Warren dragged everyone on the stage) and feeling pretty bad at the end of it. Bianca made me some kind of tea concoction with Emergen-C and a cough drop but she didn't have any cold medicine. I was too tired at the time to make it all the way back to Waldorf, even though I really wanted to go, so I reluctantly slept in the basement room where the temperature wildly fluctuates on a cold night...I woke up freezing. I left early the next morning...at like...5am.

I made a few stops to get some sick gear. Theraflu, Emergen-C, OJ, ginger ale, Bananas, Honey, Mucinex Cold & Flu, etc etc etc - I had most of this at Rob's but since I hadn't been sick since I left there I had to pay well over $50 to stock back up. xp I spent Friday taking medicine around the clock and resting, I felt worse as the day progressed but as the day turned to evening and then into late night, I started to feel better. And by the next day, I knew the worst of it was over. I wasn't feeling dizzy, weak, or chills so all was good.

To be honest, I was nervous as f**. Obviously, I don't have health insurance, I have a compromised immune system and someone on the twitter TL recently died like...out of nowhere after posting how horrible he felt waking up with similar flu-like symptoms. So, I was relieved when I felt better the next day and...oddly proud of myself because this might've been the first time I truly had to take care of myself, by myself. sweatdrop

So yeah, I haven't done anything productive for myself in a few days. Like, I need to add F&K to my resume and keep applying for jobs. We're past the six-month mark of unemployment per my resume so I need to have something there to fill that gap. I guess I'm just upset at myself for not doing it quite yet which I've had the time to do it and that might be why I'm feeling a little down on myself. And we know when I get like this, I feel utterly unproductive....even if I have plans to get stuff done, I see myself executing the plan...and when it's time to sit down and get to work...I'm over it, f** around for a bit...then opt to go home. Ugh. I had to take a moment andd tell myself that I should be nicer to me. It's so counterproductive to beat myself up over...anything...because it only leads to me feeling even worse. I was sick, give yourself a break. And, to be clear, even though I feel much better than two days ago...i'm still lowkey going through it with light symptoms and the occasional headache, shortness of break and of course, tons of phlegm.

In other news...I went to Marlon's on Friday. I wasn't feeling 100% but I was feeling much better and he asked us to come over. We didn't do s**t but watch Toy Story 4 and a few Proud Family clips until he 'politely' kicked me out xd . I figured he had a boy coming over, but honestly didn't care enough to ask and by the time I left, I was feeling kind of deathly and opted to stay indoors all day on Saturday watching Love Island and playing FFXV.

Jeff's feels some kind of way whenever I...don't...want to do something with him xd It was a little funny. He was disappointed when I opted not to do the Accounting cert with him. He felt some kind of way when I want to get off the phone with him after 30 minutes. He feels some kind of way when I don't call him enough...it's all a little crazy. I think he's just not used to having a real friend and unsure about how these things work. Idk. Love Jeff, but he's lowkey draining sometimes. He's a lot more palatable in person than over the phone.

Rob is also still asking me to get daddy's check in my name so that he gets the money. If I remember correctly, right now the check is in Pee Wee's name and Pee Wee collects a couple hundred dollars from each deposit. He was asking me about getting the check in my name and signing up to collect money for taking care of daddy for a few hours but...as we all know... last year wasn't the best time for us and I was very wary of further entangling our lives in that manner when I wasn't sure if we were going to be together or not. But he said something about getting me health insurance when my unemployment runs out when I get the check-in my name.....mmm....i just don't know.

Alas, I've just been...like...really tired...most of the time for the past few days. But I really gotta get some things done.

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