I did it. I answered everything. & it felt like squeezing the last bit of water out a sponge.
I don’t know who he is anymore. I don’t know how to feel. I’m glad we got through it. I’m glad I was finally able to be open & honest about it all. But staring at everything I wrote now is starting to send me spiraling. It could have been so simple. Maybe a day of not talking & then fixing everything.
I did this
It’s done. Done.
Reading & rereading his replies
That warmth gone. That familiarity & sense of safety dwindling. I don’t think we could ever be friends.
I’m glad I could give him closure. I’m glad I apologized & owned up.
But I’ll never be able to forgive myself. For losing him. For hurting him. For ruining one of the best friendships I ever had. Losing that kind of love & loyalty.
Day 2, way harder than I thought. I’m hungover but I still crave the taste of alcohol. Being outside & around my plants isn’t doing anything either.
God... now it’s starting to hurt. ********
& I still can’t sleep
I’m so tired
I think a lot about the fact that would be my note if I left anything.
‘I’m tired of being so tired.’
No. I’m not undoing all this progress.
I’m going to drink some water. I’m going to take a nap. & I’m going to love on taco, for as long as I can.
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