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Psycho called me
Crying about how he missed me
How he doesn’t understand why I don’t love him like he loves me
Doesn’t know me at all
Laid his hands on me
Disrespected my mother in her own house
Stole from me
But he loves me
Wants me to be his wife

It makes me so sick to think about
I could have what I want but not be happy
Or not have what I want & still not be happy
Idk, I never said I was his. Even when he demanded an answer & wouldn’t leave my house I said I wasn’t his. I will never be. I wish he’d crawl back to whenever he came from.
He wants me
Wants me to be his wife & have his kids
Told me that I would be a great (baby) mother
He’s drunk. I know he is. I want him safe, because I care about everyone, so I made sure he got home & is hydrating. But he’s still going on & on
Even as I type this

‘Why won’t you be with me?’
Because I don’t want you. I don’t want that kind of life with you. I don’t care if your mother loves me. I don’t care that she asks about me/when we’re getting married & having kids
I don’t care that your siblings ask about me
I don’t care if you think I’d be a good wife or mother to your kids
I hate the way you make me feel
I hate the way you look at me/talk to me when you feel like I’ve done you wrong
I hate that you demonize my disorders & my sense of self
& I especially hate how you talk about Alan

“You know he never loved you” even if he didn’t he still told me to get away from you because he knew you were bad news. You bucked down on Alan because you knew he saw you for how you really are. He knows that Alan treated me better & set the bar this high. I’m not a princess anymore, I’m an empress, & you’re not going to continue to disrespect me by existing in my little empire

“I bet he’s the reason why you won’t talk to me anymore, I saw the texts”
So? I’m glad you did. I left my phone open for that reason. I didn’t want to be with you, near you, any of that. You took my kindness for granted, & used me & my family. You made me realize that no matter what I do I’ll never find someone as amazing as Alan.
He told me over all, to take care of myself & put my happiness first. I may never get to be with him again but I will never settle for less than someone as amazing as him.
I deserve no less. The love I give needs to be given back as intense & often as I give it.

He’s still going on about how he knows I’ll be with him eventually, how much he loves me & my body... ugh... if this is love now, I don’t want any of it.

I’m hanging up & blocking him. There’s no point. He’ll just keep harassing me & stalking me. I deleted all of my social media & he’s still finding ways to get at me.

Nights like these... wear me down so much faster than normal... I had finally fallen asleep.. & now I’m up, listening to this alcoholic spout lies to try to get in my pants.
Maybe I should say some wild s**t like ‘what do I have to do to get you to leave me alone, ******** your little brother?”
He’s already hit me once, he doesn’t know what he’s doing or who he’s ******** with. When he slapped me, I hit him back & told him if he put his hands on me again I’m stabbing him. He knew I was serious. & I am.
I mean it. If he comes back to MD & starts harassing me, I’m ducking his brother & I’m stabbing him

Nah but for serious I’m going to block him. If he shows up, I’m waving the knife & getting a restraining order

Also? Can I just say??
Proposed to 3 time, 3 different people. I said no. For him lol
One pregnancy scare, &I made moves to get rid of it (but thankfully my body yeet’ed that) for him lol
& s t i l l over the same *****
Holding out for why?
I honestly don’t know at this point
Maybe I just... made this whole thing out to be so much more than it was.. maybe I was the only one to love like this when I was wish him...

Ah well
Let’s try sleep one more time.