Insanity (n): Doing the same thing and expecting different results.
I've been reading Oprah's "The Path Made Clear" and many of the excerpts have me thinking introspectively about a lot of the pieces in my life.
Everytime I think about it, I recall how fuked up it is that such a drastic shift has occurred. I was honestly enjoying my job, learning a lot and felt like I was growing as a marketing strategist. Blake gave me a lot of autonomy but more importantly, a lot of opportunities to try new things. Knowing that that's no longer the case hurts and now I always feel like I'm wasting time. Everyday. In and outside of work, just wasting time....knowing that I need to be doing some different s**t to get to the next level, whatever that looks like.
Goal: Learn SEO and transfer up to the New York office.
Ugh, I love him but I don't trust him at all. And everytime I come up here nothing really feels different, or changes. I feel like I want to have these conversations about where we're going and how we plan on getting there together but I feel like they'll fall on deaf ears. Our relationship still isn't where I want it to be and I feel like i'm, again, waiting on him to give me a sign to let me know he's in this. I know me doing the same thing over and over again won't yield different results.
Rob said something about being too loyal to a fault which triggered a thought. I want him to be with me because that's what he wants above all else and because he loves me. Know due to some loyal ties. Ugh.
Goal: Seek a couples therapist. Go once a month.
I need to be more clear and intentional with my goals and actions, but that's difficult without a clear mind. I really want to take a break from social media, start praying and meditating, read and write a bit more and ultimately, dedicate at least one day a week or every two weeks to going to Great Falls, VA (or wherever) to embark on a nature trail.
Short Term Goals
Meditate. Break out the candle and spend a few minutes practicing mindfulness
Gym. I need to just start going when I have the urge to go. What ends up happening is, one minute I feel like going. Ten minutes later I don't feel like going. Rinse and repeat until I come up with a legit excuse or it's too late. I should stop that and just force myself to go.
· Sun Jul 21, 2019 @ 02:38pm · 0 Comments