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And here goes seasonal depression! Bam!
Jokes, my depression probably isn't seasonal ; v ;

Well I guess I've been thinking a lot, lotsa introspection and all the other fancy stuff! ` v '
Actually, it's just a fancy word for reflecting on my mental and emotional state. Truth be told, it hasn't been doing well ` n '
But I may as well tell you about myself, the things I've thought and everything right?

I've thought a lot of negative things about myself. I've felt a lot of negative things about myself. And I think I've convinced myself of a lot of these things (while at the same time being conscious of the fact I'm conscious of convincing myself of these things).
A lot of it has to do with things that have been going on with my life, my family and my friends. It's.....a collective, well thought of subject, made from both things I've been told, I've seen in myself and have guessed at.

I'm a wonderful person. I have a beautiful personality, make myself very likable (in a way that I know is likable), can listen to people and show sympathy. I can show compassion, show care, idly pass the time and be confided in about hardships. I display a strong, cheerful front and appear (relatively) capable. In many ways, I am what I want.

I am also a terrible person. I have a petty, jealous personality, can prove to be emotionally manipulative and sometimes not entirely convinced I'm completely sane. I suffer depression, can bring the mood down and remember things, either good or bad for a long, long time. I put on a mask as a facade that things are alright, hiding the real problems at hand and bring them out in the worst times. I am not honest of the issues I have and am truly, a broken human being. I've never known the feeling of being loved by anyone I could call my own and drink myself to oblivion (with bubble tea). In many ways, I am what I hate.

I'm someone you'd want to talk to, say hello and be friendly with. I'm not someone you'd want to get close to.

This is who I am. And wow, what a way to start off December. Happy Holidays everyone!