It's been a rough one for me... In real life, social media, gaming, "socialization" & depression.
So much for those people who misunderstood me whenever I feel ill-tempered and angry because of the personalities or traits they keep on throwing at me. So much pain I've sustained from those who will try to humiliate and ruin my life even more.
Since I had my first 2 jobs that never went well in the end, I'd say it was still a decent experience and thus made me feel that I've accomplished something... at least for a tiny bit.
I'm now 25 years old. Things are way more challenging ahead of me. But trying to take care of things by myself... that I can no longer do. I have too many doubts, fears and second thoughts. These thoughts kept on swirling and messing around my head.
I've made friends, lost friends... and even worse, made enemies. I guess my solemn nature has kept me isolated for many years because of the same fear and trauma I've suffered back when I was still in high school. These days are long passed...
I am even having thoughts of what will become of me when I die... or maybe... I'm scared...
I'm scared that my life will be taken away, scared that I will lose someone I care and love for again, scared of what will be my fate. It's either the Lord's will or judgment. I don't know anymore.
Nothing more can gain from the depression state that I am in. I've always been alone and hiding out of my shell. I even told someone that I don't even feel like that I have any friends... nor feel welcome in other's arms... even though you met them or you are just a stranger trying to open a good conversation.
I don't know what will become of me now... I guess it's all up to myself.. I have to keep myself up at the very least... make it through, and probably... forgive those who misunderstood me.
~ JP
Dragon Cross · Sun May 29, 2016 @ 12:50am · 0 Comments |