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This is a post about... well, my mum. Or mom. I call her Mum. I ripped it off from the British. cool
Well, anyway, I've taken some time to realize that I don't actually know her very well. But at the same time, I'm the one that knows her more than my other siblings do, or at least it feels that way some times. I've been able to spend the most time with her, save for my oldest sibling, and she probably knows more about my mom than I do, so I was wrong about saying that I know my mom more than the others do. What exactly do I mean? Well....
I get annoyed by how my brothers and sisters are always talking about my mom behind her back. Maybe that's what you do, but I just angry sometimes. They don't seem to understand the pressure and trouble that she does through. Of course, I really only know how serious it is because sometimes I'll wake up during the night and hear her talking on the phone about things that I shouldn't hear. She's often saying that she's having trouble, but no one really pays attention. But she really is, so when my brothers and sister just bite at her... it makes me furious.
But then, I don't really know her like I should. My mom has a patched up past, and I don't know much about it because I never ask. My mom tends to get upset when I ask, so years ago I already learned not to ask about those things. My mom is pretty old, at least she is for having a child my age. She's fifty-five right now while I'm fifteen, so that means when I'm twenty-five she's been sixty-five and so on. So she's had a hard life, I know this much. She never says much about her childhood, just that sometimes she was hungry and that her family struggled to be able to buy something as simple as shoes. So I pretty only know about my mom up to.... about these past ten years. Beyond ten years, I don't really know. Just that she was poor during childhood, and dropped out of high school, then went to school and got degrees, and that she also got her PhD I think in four years instead of the normal six.
It's the same with my father... but, I don't really know anything about him. I just know that his name is Larry and that he's got big glasses. I've seen a picture of him, but I've only seen it a few times. After something that he did that made me hate him, I don't go looking for the picture like I used to when I was younger.
Does this seem strange, or is this how it is for most people? I can't really tell. I know that my older sister knows almost everything about my mom, because during those nights when I wake up and hear my mom talking on the phone it's the oldest sister that she's talking to. My mom didn't use to call her like that, not until my sister had her first baby. I think that after my sister understood what it was like to have children and have to raise them, she understood my mother better and something just clicked there. I think that it's that, and just for the fact that my sister has been with my mom for a long time. I think that my mom had my sister when she was twenty, so they've been through thick and thin together. Maybe I just never really noticed their thick connection until I was older. When you get older, you finally become aware of all of the terrible things that happen around you. So maybe it's always been there and I just never took notice.
I suppose that all in all, it goes like this: I can understand my mom better than my brothers and sisters (save for the eldest) but I don't really know her. You can understand someone but not know exactly who they are. That's usually how things work between people, as I've seen.
I didn't want to write a lot but ended up doing so anyway. And you know something that I find strange, is that I don't really think that I when I think about this that it's about my emotions. When I do, it's sometimes out of anger from my siblings talking bad things baout her. But most of the time, it just comes to mind in a sort of... observation-ish way, not really involving me feeling depressed or angry or anything, really. Strange, but that's how things come to me sometimes, after all, if you use your emotion to make judgement you can make mistakes since you let your opinion get in the way instead of pushing everything aside and just looking at the subject bare. But just remember, sometimes you need your emotions in order to figure things out. Everything isn't just black and white, there's gray and many colors in between that you have to be able to view without just using your brain.
 MythicalYoko · Sun May 07, 2006 @ 10:03pm · 0 Comments |
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