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Don't you hate it when you're pissed off with someone you never met? You never met them from face to face, nor personally...but thinking about them makes you so ticked that you wanna throw a few jabs. stressed
Okay, I think it has something to do with my mom's "new boyfriend". I know I shouldn't get involved, because for 21 or so years she's been married to my dad. He never really said anything like "I love you" or stuff like that.And me along with my sibs were used to his stupidity and never taking us seriously. So this random a** dude i don't even know, says s**t like "You're so beautiful" and "i want to meet you so much, you're the one for me." UGGHHHH!!! I want to just strangle him. Don't you know that internet relationships don't last long?? They've only spoke for a few weeks!! (I would know, it happened twice to me back in middle school, but you already knew that)
But that's just the tip of the iceberg. She's actually PLANNING to MEET him!!! WHAT THE F***?! And she expects us to come with her so we can hang out at Disneyland or something. I don't approve of this guy one bit. I just don't trust him. Even if we go to Disneyland, I'll stay in the damn car if he has to come. My dad has these panic attacks so we don't really go anywhere (all four siblings don't approve of him. That's my older brother, me, my younger sister, and my younger brother).
That man, doesn't fit the bill. period.His occupation of archeology, loving golf, and being 6 ft....Sounds fake doesn't it? Mom only fell for him cause of the words he threw. She fell for him because he say's he can never find the one for him. No s**t! Maybe it's because you sound so fake!? She met him in Oklahoma....or was it Texas? For her business trip... Aah who cares?! Grrrrr.....whenever I think about it, my chest hurts and i don't know what to think anymore....when I think about it, I just want to cry a bloodcurdling scream. scream scream scream scream
Sorry that you have to read this.(if you can anyway) I have to type out the rants because I...honestly...I don't have anyone to talk to. And by anyone, i mean, I don't have real friends. People on the internet, possibly you reading this...I just don't have anyone to turn to. I'm the isolated one in the family. It just feels like, if I said anything, I wouldn't be heard, so why bother? If I don't let it out somehow, I'm going to explode.
Dear God,
Please help me what to do... Should I accept him? Or should I say something? I know at some point, I stopped believing in you....because when I needed you most, it felt as if you weren't there. I felt as if I were abandoned...My spirit had died within me, so i didn't really care anymore. But I started to believe in you again recently because I was down to the point when i was thinking of ways to take away my life again. The knife was dull, and I realized that it's not time for me to go yet. No one knows of it because I did it in secret, so only I know about it. I know you can't read this, but it's my personal letter. Relationships aren't good as they seem when they are like this. All relationships I've ever seen basically went like this: First few years is I love you, and then later there will be bruises. That's what I read when I saw his picture. Red. Nothing but red flags. Please give me the answer to what I can do....you already know the outcome of our future...I have to pretend for now. Even though I want to cry, I have to smile for my mom. I want her to be happy after all, but 'I'm the only one that will approve of my happiness, she said. Geez this is hard to take in, and I'm horrible in pressure.For her sake, I'm going to smile, no matter how bad it gets.
Amen. (If he could read this, what would he say?)
The good news....uh, My older brother got me the game Ultimate Marvel vs. Capcom 3 for the xbox 360....and I'm horrible at it lol (AniLovesYou is my gamertag if you wanna play along with me emotion_kirakira ) I'm a simple button masher when it comes to games like that sweatdrop I'm also learning to play black ops 2, but Im bad at it too, i needed someone to teach me, but I'll get the hang of it.
So much ahead....hopefully I stay sane through this ordeal. Wish me luck? If I had friends anyway sweatdrop
*~ emotion_bigheart Ani~*
 · Wed May 22, 2013 @ 07:07am · 0 Comments |
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