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I was just thinking of something, my sweets said she had a guy friend that told her she shouldn't depend on me for her happiness. I'm not quite sure I understand that ... People hang around with people that make them feel good constantly ... That's what friendship and all that crap is. I think that depending on someone else for happiness is bullshit, it doesn't make sense ... I love being around my sweetheart because it just feels good, even is she is angry or sleepy or not paying attention to me, her company just feels so good. I am very dependent of her but I don't depend on her for happiness, every time we talk I don't think, '********, she better make me happy.' I just love her presence. I'm not even sure what that would be if she did depend on me to make her happy, I wish she would of talked with me about it. She also told me that one of her professors told her that you can't be with your soul mate and it made her very sad. I don't agree with that .. If you bond with someone so strongly you'd know each other perfectly, you'd know every inch of each others souls, hearts, and minds. There would be no walls with your soul mate because you'd know that they'd be there no matter what because they'd know the true you. Perhaps her professor believed that personally because they had had a bad relationship where she believed she'd found her soul mate?
I worry a lot, my sweets some times is a lost kitten, but like a feral kitten she won't let me fully take care of her. I worry because not every one has the patients for feral kittens, those people are few. But as I write this I realize my mistakes, my constant break ups. You can't hit a feral kitten and expect it to trust you again after you do it repeatedly ... I always kept communications wide open, I was always willing to talk and work things out. But we always had our miscommunications, I was at the end of the book and she was at the beginning. Still .. I have strong, strong feelings for her. My constant break ups were due to her not giving me what I wanted or needed. I felt like I was just bathing her in love, but she gave me back love in that feral kitten sort of way. But no, it wasn't enough ... I am a hopeless romantic and I wanted to be smothered and choke on love and romance till I died ... Her and I both realize how different we are, how spread out we are but still we adored each other passionately in our own special ways. I ruined it and she ran away, a feral kitten, she fell out of love with me. As much as I hate dogs, I am a puppy when it comes to love ... A feral kitten and a puppy.
 Wicked Alyce · Wed Mar 13, 2013 @ 11:22am · 0 Comments |
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