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My name is Sarah Elizabeth Sicilia
I have many confessions I would like to make

I do not like myself i'v never loved myself as long as i can remember
I have many flaws
I hate being fat
I hate being tall
I hate being ugly
I hate being stupid
I hate my voice
I hate my personalty
BUT most of all I hate my jealousy
I am jealous of many people
but the people i'm most jealous of are my sisters
they have everything I don't have
yes I do love them a lot but.....
there both so pretty and full of confidence...unlike me
My older sister Samantha she very beautiful
perfect hair pretty eyes big boobs curvy body
wonderful artist and has a loving boyfriend
that would do anything for her She has wonderful love
My little sister Jaime is so cute
skinny pretty athletic smart and has many friends
everyone loves my adorable little sister Jaime
I wish I was like them with out my make up curling iron
and jacket I am nothing but a ugly duckling living with swans

Ever since I was little not even one time would
I look in the mirror and like myself I hated my reflection
I used to tell myself when I was little that I would kill myself
the next time my sisters or parents made me cry BUT I was to weak and afraid to do so.
Yes I may smile daily but its a LIE i'm not truly smiling
deep down i'm so very so very sad its like a black storm that will probably never go away

Every night when I go to sleep I think how nasty I am how gross of a person I am
Every night I always wonder will someone ever know the real me will someone every fall in love with the REAL me....

I'm a very dirty person I know things a person my age should not
I used to be sexually abused by a girl that lived down the street from me she was my older sisters age she would force me to do things I didn't really want to do....she would force me to do things to her and she would do things to me.....I do not remember when it started just as long as I can remember...My parents don't know anything I never want them to fined out.... it ended when I moved when I was in 3rd grade
after all that I found out that I like girls then just guys...I felt nasty thinking to myself ever day "your so nasty Sarah how can you like girls after everything that girl did to you!".....I hate myself so much i'm not brave enough to kill myself why can't someone kill me......

I love my Family but then again I hate them so much more. It hurts to say so but its true
I hated the nights in my childhood it was always full of loud music and my dads drinking abuse and fighting with my mom.
I'm always sick of them calling me pig,b***h,stupid or even just yelling and cussing at me they hurt me so much with there words daily! i'm tired of always crying....cutting i'm just tired. Not to long ago my little sister told me that she hates me and that she wished that I would just disappear.
i thought to myself I would if I could....
Iv done things to try to disappear but i'm weak those things can never make me disappear....
The only thing that takes away my pain is anime and manga i will drown in it i will
Escape from reality!