Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Yo, ghosties.
Its been a while. Shane, jenny, and i are supposedly together. But he is constantly getting grounded for weeks at a time. I sent him a valentines day card. I txt her every morning. I missed two chances to see them. The first, it was my fault for not badgering my mother enough to sign it. The second, last weekend, was because no one told me. Ive been out all week for surgery. I hate having my moods bounce around like a ******** top classic techno song. High. Low. High. Low. Lower. Lower. Lower. High like a motherfuka. Low. Lower. Lower still. I have people who like me. I have things i want to do. I dont wanna with kayla. I want someone to tear me up like the trash waste of human life i am. I want to be bled for them. I just want it to hurt. Why are people so nice while others are dhbxjendjis i dont ******** know what to say. I cant even form coherent sentances about myself anymore. Wheres serenity? Oh; its only me. Its always been me. Hahahaha i should be hurting for all the s**t ive done! Maybe someone should do it now. I surely have lost my way. I cry but the tears dry easily when i write. Always about how i hate myself. How great. I like reema. She is beautiful, wonderful, the enigma of confidance. Why why why why can i not be her? Then id ruin that. It me. Not my surroundings. Its ME. Always me. I fail. Im worthless. I cant even remain passing now. I ******** FAILED THREE CORE SUBJECTS BECAUSE OF ME. I CANT DO ANYTHING RIGHT. im ******** lazy a** and worthless piece of s**t. Less than s**t, i actually wont kill myself. Why?
Because im a ******** attention whore who cant get enough pity. I just want someone to care enough to help me without just sitting there telling me no no no no no. I fuking hate myself. Im too scared to do it. I can only cut so deep. So ******** half assed i cant even do the job half right. I might as well be an eighth a**.
Im sorry im so awful, ghosties. You can go now. Dont bother bringing back the treys.