Dear Diary,
I can't help it. I can't help that I long for some lasting inner peace. A lasting calm that will get a hold of me, and provide some type of comfort. I can't pretend any longer. I can't pretend that I will get out of this alive, in any state of mind that I will like, and respect, if I don't do this.. if I don't put any action into my own hands. I just don't have the desire any longer. I don't seem to have the energy to want to do this. I just want to crawl into a shell and absorb all that I feel, and disappear. I am no good. I am of no use to anyone, but the few that I may have met here. And even they, even they can reach out to others that can help them. I feel so amazingly empty. Dear Diary, if I can just waste away in peace, I would do it. But I can't even allow myself to do that. I can't give up. That is just not right. I can't let it get the better of me. But how!? HOW!?! How do I get out of this?!!! .... I'm sorry Dear Diary. I am not screaming at you. I am just so mad. I just want to give up. And even that, I can't accomplish correctly. Well, I should be happy that that is the case. .. sigh... I don't know what to do. ... well, I may know what to do.. I just can't seem to start it.. or be happy with how I start it? .. sigh.. I just don't know, and I just don't care anymore it seems. My goodness. For all the goodness that is out there. Will you shine some light onto me? May a path open up in my own mind so as to understand what it is that I should do. I am at a loss. I just don't care... and yet, I worry that others will see me give up. I just cannot give up. I can't, and I won't. It will get better. I will get better. I love you life. I love you more than anything. What a great gift I have, this life. May I not waste anymore of it feeling like this. I have so much to give. I have so much love to share. ... Thank you Dear Diary. Thank you for being here. With love, Filamina.
View User's Journal
Dear Diary
Dear Diary, you are the one I come to when nobody else can possibly understand. :(
 |
