You know what I've never understood? I've never understood why people like me. What's so special about me? Why do people get drawn so easily to me? Why am I hated? Why am I loved? Why am I cherished? I could go on and on, but I don't think I could ever really answer those questions. I've always wondered why I exist, or why people think I'm a good person. What's so good about me? What's there to like? How am I cute? How am I lovable? How am I a good friend? What exactly am I to the world? To my friends? To my parents? To the people who hate me? What am I?
Maybe I'm just another face in the crowd. Maybe just another existence. I can never quite figure it out. My mind is still shocked at the fact I have friends. How in bloody hell do I have friends? I just can't even fathom why. Then again, people say I'm a very negative person and can never be narcissistic. Which is true. How can I love myself? The thing I hate most, has always been and always will be, myself. Sometimes my friends say I should be narcissistic once in a while. I don't think it's possible. Nope, I'm just not that kind of person. What kind of person I am, I really don't know.
There's so many questions. I wonder if maybe when I'm older and wiser I'll understand it all and have the answers. I guess for now I'll deal with being lost and confused. Personally, I don't think I'll ever understand why people flock to me like I'm their pack leader or savior. I really don't understand why people want to be me. If anything, they should want to be something amazing, not something sh*tty like me. Why would people want to be me? Of all people, why me? As far as I know, I'm pretty f**ked up...So I don't see any benefit of being me.
Oh well, I seriously doubt I'll ever understand this twisted world, or my own existence. I guess I'll keep truckin' until the day I decide to pull the trigger.
Lavender-the-9-tailed-fox · Tue Jun 16, 2009 @ 06:46pm · 0 Comments |