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I admit it I loose ok.

He's hurting me.

It hurts so bad...I tried, I really tried. He rejected each time I tried to start a conversation, or when I tried to get him to snuggle with me. I haven't had a cuddle from him in over 2 months...I can't remember the last time he kissed me... Or the time he told me I was special to him...or that he thought I was pretty...or was appreciative of what I've done for him...

I know these things aren't suppose to matter but it's hurting now...all he does is say "ok" unless I get into an argument and force him to talk. He's been sick I know but the conditions don't help much for my feelings. Every time he's left so far it's because he's been emo. I'VE been deppressed, hurting, and sobbing all the time, I still sit and talk with him though.

He doesn't want me...if he wanted me he'd atleast talk with me...or give my feelings some thought...

He killed my happiness I found. It was the only thing that kept me sane when he wasn't around. Which is the majority of the time. All I have left is this recording of his voice and my memories....

Atleast he's back though...

Perhaps I'm being to harsh...

I mean...he was sick...

and...he has the right to be upset at me for looking up his information. I guess...Even though I didn't get upset, he has the right to get upset...I guess.... I found everything but his name....Damnit...that's all I wanted...His name....Damnit...god...Why does he treat me so badly? Maybe he's treating me fine...I guess...maybe I'm just over reacting...Sure it hurts but he went through worse...even if he wont' take care of me or let me take care of him or tell me anything about him...atleast he shows up...I guess that's all I can ask for now....