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I'm tired, i'm tired of losing my loved ones, of playing mediator to each meember of my family, of school work and the stress it entails, i'm tired of my friends using me, i'm tired of worrying about my sister and her VCE, of my brother and his unemployment, anger management and broncaious ( is that how you speel it? ).
My sisters cat, Emma was hit by a car today, we didn't even have her a whole year, she turned only one 2 weeks ago. my cat, a 4 yr old is is really sad. we all loved her so much, she was naughty, distructive, playful, friendly and cuddly.
I'm tired of my sister borrowing cd's without permission
i'm tired of my allergies which leave me tired and itchy.
i'm tired of not getting any job interviews with so my resumes out there.
i'm tired of always being broke
i'm tired of my dad thinking he's any good, he's a friend, a mate, he pays for my statistics tutor, nothing else.
I'm tired of my brother and sister always bitching to me about each other, i have to agree with them both, making me a hypocrit, but if i don't, i get yelled at.
I don't mind when mum talks to me, she needs someone, and she's probaly the most correct, seeing everything for everyone perspectives, i know who tells the truth and who eleborates and/or lies.
i'm sick of depression
i'm sick of not sleeping and tossing and turning for hours
i'm sick of not being able to be completly honest in fear hurting others
i'm sick of saying the worng thing
i'm sick of the arguements
I want a holiday, no fights, no crying, no injuries, no work, no problems.
I want my friends to be friends in return, Jess, Andrew, Nathan and Laura are ok, but the others....
I wish my driving was getting better not worse
I wish I had new shoes, and some sun glasses, it would be nice to be able to see where i'm going and be comfortable getting there, my runners are 3 years old and falling apart.
I wish we could move to a house that wasn't delaperdated and that wasn't in need of demolition. no rats, with water pressure, a nice yard, a bedroom window. that didn't need to be vaccumed 5 minutes after you'd just finished.
I wish MacKenzie lived wiht robin or dad. He'd fit in with dad and and my step mum.
I wish Zack and MC where happy, and zack wasn't so old.
I wish Nanna would come back, she held everything together.
I wish my bro would get rid of WOW and pay attention and go back to school.
I was in a car accedent last week, took the paint of the rear side door. the new carparks at the marketplace are s**t, outrite. i had a choice my car or the one next to me got damaged. i can't afford to fix one car let alone 2, so i chose mine only, the pole i hit had been hit by others and i'm sure was used to it. $700 to fix.
My job: i'm one of those sad little peopel who is so desperate for work that i'm now a mascot, one of those is a stupid suit, talking to kids and being beaten up by them at fairs and open days ect. yay for temp work.
exams are in 1 week, its swot vac. my sisters exams start next friday.
I wish i had me ena cd's but they're at my place, 2 hrs away.
wish i had evenescence, would like that cd. I could so easily spend $1000, know exactly what i'd get to. sad ay?
since on0one reads this anyway and i'm just ranting to put off going to bed and crying. I'd buy the following:
- anouther book case $30
- anne bishops pillars series $60
- doctor who season 2,3, and 4 when it comes out $300
- the old docor who seasons the first 8 doctors (god knows how much)
- some jeans, mine are falling aprt, they are full of holes
- some runners
- some sunnies
- evenesiance cd
- the new miley cirus cd
- a stereo for my car
- a new school bag
- a laptop, i'm selling my desk top and putting the money form that towards a laptop
- a cat enclosure
- a bike pump
- a mop that works
- a tv and
- terry p's new wee free men book
- the my family box set
- the touchwood series box set
- a rainbow of hair ribbions
okay so this amounts to about $2000 or more, but still, its what i'd like, selfish but i give up.
I'm also waiting for my boyfriend to wake up and realise i'm not dating material, i'm to independant and can not rely on others, or for that to have them rely on me. I'm not marriage material which is what he wants. I haven't told him about Emma yet, but he's in exams to and its not fair to upset him while he is studying.
I want out.
 Seraphim2 · Fri Oct 24, 2008 @ 01:40pm · 0 Comments |
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