So... I've been having a... very insane and recurring dream lately. It's... hard for me to explain, really. I guess the thought of what my dreams have been about lately happened when I saw Pat a few days ago, like... I don't remember when. Lol. I think Monday. We were talking about when we'll finally be able to start our own family... and him and I both kept looking down at my stomach and rubbing where the bulge of a child would someday be. I got teary-eyed, and knew I wanted to be with Pat forever.
And ever since then... the little silent voice in the back of my head that's almost always silent, keeps screaming about how badly I want to become pregnant. The thing is, I truly don't. Not until a few years after I'm married, anyway. But the voice is terrifying me... and I dunno. All of my dreams are about how I'm going to become pregnant and how wonderful it'll be, even the morning sickness and pain of child-birth. Pat will be by my side, which makes it all better. But... I dunno. I'm scared, honestly. I don't know what to think of it.
Yeah, a lot of people have been telling me, "Oh. It's because you love him, darling." I know that. But this isn't natural, I guess. Not for me, anyway. I don't think it is, anyway. I've never been in love before I met Pat... and I've never wanted to get pregnant before I met Pat. I guess I'm just insane, huh? I wonder how he'd take this if he could read this right now. Lol.
But I had a dream like, last night, actually, about it. I told Pat how I wanted to become pregnant with my first child on my 25th birthday. I always have, too. And when I fell asleep, in my dream it was my 25th birthday. You can guess what happened, and a few weeks later, I took a pregnancy test. It came out positive. I told Brendan [my best friend ever!] first, and he got excited and helped me come up with a way to tell Pat that I was bearing our child. We decided on me setting little sticky-notes with letters on them, all around the house. All over the place were sticky-notes with the letters of, "I'm pregnant." on them. In Pat's favourite places. And when he got all the letters, I told him to put them in order. He did, and was half in shock, and half excited beyond his wildest dreams. We kissed, then I woke up. In tears.
I really want that to happen, but not until after I get married! I'm just a basket-case, huh? I don't think anybody understands how badly I want to have a child, but I also don't want to have a child. Make sense? Like, right now, I dunno. I'm having mixed emotions about it. Stupid female hormones and adoring little babies. I'm going to look so funny being pregnant, though. Lol. Imagine a 5' 1" girl who weighs about 96 pounds pregnant, and you've got me in a few years. Lol. My doctors said that I'm not gettin' any taller. Yay for being short!
And ever since then... the little silent voice in the back of my head that's almost always silent, keeps screaming about how badly I want to become pregnant. The thing is, I truly don't. Not until a few years after I'm married, anyway. But the voice is terrifying me... and I dunno. All of my dreams are about how I'm going to become pregnant and how wonderful it'll be, even the morning sickness and pain of child-birth. Pat will be by my side, which makes it all better. But... I dunno. I'm scared, honestly. I don't know what to think of it.
Yeah, a lot of people have been telling me, "Oh. It's because you love him, darling." I know that. But this isn't natural, I guess. Not for me, anyway. I don't think it is, anyway. I've never been in love before I met Pat... and I've never wanted to get pregnant before I met Pat. I guess I'm just insane, huh? I wonder how he'd take this if he could read this right now. Lol.
But I had a dream like, last night, actually, about it. I told Pat how I wanted to become pregnant with my first child on my 25th birthday. I always have, too. And when I fell asleep, in my dream it was my 25th birthday. You can guess what happened, and a few weeks later, I took a pregnancy test. It came out positive. I told Brendan [my best friend ever!] first, and he got excited and helped me come up with a way to tell Pat that I was bearing our child. We decided on me setting little sticky-notes with letters on them, all around the house. All over the place were sticky-notes with the letters of, "I'm pregnant." on them. In Pat's favourite places. And when he got all the letters, I told him to put them in order. He did, and was half in shock, and half excited beyond his wildest dreams. We kissed, then I woke up. In tears.
I really want that to happen, but not until after I get married! I'm just a basket-case, huh? I don't think anybody understands how badly I want to have a child, but I also don't want to have a child. Make sense? Like, right now, I dunno. I'm having mixed emotions about it. Stupid female hormones and adoring little babies. I'm going to look so funny being pregnant, though. Lol. Imagine a 5' 1" girl who weighs about 96 pounds pregnant, and you've got me in a few years. Lol. My doctors said that I'm not gettin' any taller. Yay for being short!
