Recurring theme: self-loathing.
Is it my fault? Partially.
For instance, I'm stuck between two wonderful, friendly, kind and loving people. The problem? Each of them wants me for herself. What can a man do, besides split himself down the middle and give each a half? I don't want to hurt anyone, but I know that's what's going to end up happening.
I can hear you now, groaning, because that's all I journal about. But, please, this isn't some meer pathetic plea. This is a dilemma. Call it drama if you will, but it's a serious situation. In every way it will end up with me having to choose. How can I? Each one makes me feel...different. I can't merely sacrifice one with sound mind. Even after a heavy deliberation I am sure that the solution will be too difficult.
Was this a karmaic intervention? That my life was going too smoothly, and so it threw me a curveball out of pure spite? I don't know. Nor will I know soundly until I've had plenty of time to think it through.
In all honesty I've been in similar situations. I've had to decide between friends multiple times, and each one has ended horribly. So was this a precursor to now? Was this horrid turn of events expected of me? Then screw you, life. I want a refund on everything you've given me, and I want it now. Or an answer. A surefire answer.
I'm not even sure if I fully understand this situation myself. Maybe...maybe I really have a magnetism? But...was this truly justified through karma? Karma can kiss my a**...and give me my life back.
But, as well all know, this isn't ever going to happen.
 Hymn of the Silent · Tue Nov 06, 2007 @ 03:21am · 3 Comments |
