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My life, love, friendships, music, mood, fun things, sad things.... all of the above 🥰
Worried for the life of a dear friend & processing /healing
Frank, if your there reading my journal, comment please... sad if not...yeah, Anyways! I havent posted in awhile. so I figured while im up late working on a paper, I might as well. =) Things have been interesting, Last week I got super upset and unhappy...and depressed although I hate that word and I hate using it. Because of leftover relationship stuff that had not been dealt with which was randomly thrust in my face on halloween night. Unfortunate events took place in which Caleb appeard angry, and would not speak to me...dispite my efforts to...=( and then conversations with him after that included "I thought you were dateing that guy and had not broken up with me!" -_-;;; or rather something along those lines, the asumption about dateing my friend is false, being attracted to him however is not...dispite the fact that he's not a christian...I dont want to date non christians...So i've been avoidng it, I've had that discussion with him, and apologised for confuseing him with mixed messages because I like him, but he's not a christian therefore not an option....yeah, anyways, and I'm trying not to date right now, because of issues with Caleb just being worked out, we basically are offically over for now...again...even though there never really was an offical where back together, we talked about getting back together...and things were said in relation to "I really want to get back together with you" but it never eally was offical,because of confusions and things...so like it was weird...and so now I decided to cease the confusion and wavering between lines of being together and not being together we I decided to tell him we should stop talking, and stop acting like where together when where not...and all that stuff...and now things are kindof miserable...my flesh wants one thing while my spirit wants to spend more time with god learning more about god and getting closer to god, but at the same time,wanting a relationship...*shrug* its confuseing... holy s**t, its already 3:50 O.o;;;
I dont feel sleepy at all, well anyways, I'm going to go work on paper now. ^^
Night night!
Mood:Not entirely sure...not happy not sad, I guess you could call it numb.
Music:Fushigi Yugi Sound track-Some long Japanese name I dont want to spell.

User Comments: [1]
Community Member

Fri Oct 02, 2020 @ 04:32am

Side note.... Reflecting on this because its 2020.... I had broken up with caleb before this point. We had ended on a perhaps maybe we can get back together but we are certainly not together now. when I posted that I was single. That was when I was single. I never understood Caleb's rage here. Regardless its in the past. But I wanted to clairfy to anybody who might be reading. I ended that relationship way before this post. Tried to maintain a friendship with him which is what this was about. And sadly It didn't work he was too attached to let go. And so we had to agree to never see each other again. I was heart broken. But later realized after I came out of denial that caleb wasnt a good guy when I thought he was..... the whole time most of the things he said about school and everything else about what he was doing were lies. I never understood what it was that he did in that time and questioned it later.... Which lead to lack of trust which lead to our demise. On top of something else that I won't share publicly. I realized when I broke up with him because he confessed he lied about his education and job..... that it was for the best. I've had much healing since. But there was a lot I was terrified to even discuss with anyone regarding what was going on behind the scenes..... It was horrific. And it wasn't okay. And I felt violated in so many ways. And that is all I will say on that..... .... ... .. Anyways. That is all! Be blessed.

User Comments: [1]
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