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Exactly a whole month since I posted. I don't really have anything interesting to post, just random crap that's going on in my life that'd make me sound like some mindless little xanga angsty teenager thing.
However, I have fully decided I love MEAPs testing week. That's mostly because I didn't take it. But, all classes were cut to thirty minutes, and school started more then two hours later then usual. And because I take the bus, I got two hours to hang with friends that I rarely ever see. It was very fun. And now the schedules are back, and I'm feeling slightly bad.
And Gaz's majorly depressed. I highly suspect teen angst, but like hell will I ever say that to her. But then, I do know that she's suffering some family problems. That's pretty depressing. She told me that she's been constantly depressed since January, but she's just been hiding it. And I feel like a lousy friend for not realizing it except for when she's broken down and started crying in school. Even then, I can't think of anything to do or say to help her. I mean, I tell her that things are going to get better, and even mentioned the Buddhist wheel of fortune. But she just says that things have been just getting worse and worse, and it seems that it'll never get better. It never seems like that, I think, but I'm not going to tell her that. I suppose the only real thing I can do is listen to her and let her know I'm there for her. I just hope it's enough.
Of course, I also can't tell her that I've been feeling a little nagging bit of resentment against her, and I feel quite guilty about it. It's not her fault that everybody around us worships her and completely ignores me. She's never done anything to endorse them, just be herself. And I'm not going to ask her to change that. It wouldn't be fair to her.
Okay, now I'm going to get into some major teen angst that I just need to let out before I explode on someone. Don't bother reading, don't bother telling me that I'm a stereotypical teenager. I'm tired, just getting off a sugar buzz, and depressed. I deserve to rant.
My friend, Gaz. She's a nice tomboy who's an individual, and kinda wierd. Like me. Except for the tomboy part. I wear makeup, skirts, and girly stuff. It's one of the few things that makes me different then her. I've tried to be like her. I've known her since 6th grade, and constantly try to be more like her. Everybody likes her, all the guys have crushes on her. But I have kept parts of me individual from her. And that seems like it isn't enough. Guys still turn their attention to her, and would completely ignore me if I wasn't her best friend. Well, one of them. All my friends I met through her, and many of them I doubt would even talk to me if I stopped being friends with her. I just feel so dependent on her sometimes. And I hate it.
Again, I don't blame her. In fact, I feel totally guilty for harboring any resentment against her. I wouldn't feel surprised if she hasn't felt resentment against me. I've been a little short with her lately. Yet another one of the guys she likes has shown interest in liking her as more then a friend. She's irritated by it. Most of her friends who are like that end up not being her friend anymore.
And now that I've got that out, I feel like a selfish little brat. But, I just wish that people would notice that I've been depressed lately. Maybe if I start eating lunch by myself. I know a great spot that's really nice and quiet, and pretty. And they'd never find me. Of course, it doesn't help that when I told one of my other best friends that I was feeling horribly depressed, she just said "Oh, okay." And went back to playing on the computer.
Well, there it is. A good old fashioned teen angst rant. Go me. I hope that no one bothers to read this. I feel so stupid posting it. But, it's either this or risking exploding at someone in real life. I just hope my friends who know my gaia name don't read this and tell her.
I promise I'll post mindless ramblings of video games, writing skills, and other such unimportant things next time, my dear invisible audience.
 [ - Kara - ] · Sat Apr 16, 2005 @ 03:52am · 0 Comments |
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![[ - Kara - ]](https://a1cdn.gaiaonline.com/dress-up/avatar/ava/f2/e9/37534f51e9f2.png?t=1254184853_6.00_01 "[ - Kara - ]")
