I was reading over some of my early entries, and trying to remember what things were like at the times I wrote those things. I can harshly recall those days, save the few that come back with a vengance at the mere mention of a name. I recall the people, the faces, the actions and words, but not the feeling. I don't remember how deeply I supposedly cared for those that I mentioned, but then again, they never thought highly of me in the first place. I guess that puts new meaning to the idea of living only for what is now. I look back at the past and feel ashamed for myself. I hate the idea that I ever let myself get so deeply wrapped into one person, or any person in that case. I let myself go to far, and it could have cost me dearly. I never want to make that mistake in the same situation. I never want to fall like that again. Why did I ever care about the people who only pushed my away, who only pushed me down? Why?
Now is what is worth living for. Not the dread of the future, not the mourn of the past. No fear, no worry, just instinct and spontinaity.
"Nee ii koto mo warui kotomo
Subete tashite
Ni de watte umaku ikite"
 [Aku~Soku~Zan] · Sun May 27, 2007 @ 04:59am · 2 Comments |
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