"Everyone knows how to made scrambled eggs, Remy. It's programmed into you at birth; the default setting. Like knowing how to swim, and not to mix pickles and oatmeal. You just know."

I'm drunk...I'm armed...I'm off my meds. You had better make your message really, really sweet.

Scientists say that 1 out of every 4 people are crazy... so go check 3 of your friends, if it's not them... Congrats!

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All the things I really like to do are either illegal, immoral, or fattening.

If you can't say anything nice, then at least have the decency to be vague.

That which does not kill me had better run pretty damn fast.