Honey, having sex with you is a nightmare.

[Tendara]

Okay, I've complained about this a bunch, so I'm just going to finally put an END to it.

My boyfriend is HORRIBLE at sex. He likes me on top, fine. But, it's not because it's sexy, because he doesn't like doing the work.

I can tell you exactly what everytime we have sex is like.

1. He starts kissing me. (Always the same way..)
2. He picks me up (which annoys me. I always hit my legs, head, feet, etc. on stuff)
3. He takes off both our clothes.
4. He spends ten minutes getting on a condom, or has trouble "keeping it up" because of the condom.
5. He's on top for about 5 minutes. Up and down, like a seesaw.
6. He flips us over, I'm on top for about ten.
7. He kisses me the same way.
8. Repeat 5 and 6 a few more ********. How do I give him sex tips?  

[SubZero Assassin]

threaten him that he's turning you into a lesbian? though he might like that... *ponder*

buy him a: sex for dummies book as a gift (buying it for his bday, xmas, or your anniversary will scorch his stupid a**)

or buy yourself a whip and show him who's boss

i got plenty more coming if you don't like those  

[Tendara]

I asked him if he'd mind me ******** a girl once. He just gave me a look.

=O I don't want to be cruel about it though.. would a sex book be too obvious? He's very.. emotional.  

[Sebastian Kierrn]

Well, if he's a fast learner you can always buy him a porno and hope that it helps him. If he's a slow learner...good luck  

[Tendara]

Mmm.. porn. But, I'm not 18, so I can't buy a porno.
I guess I could get someone to buy it for me.  

[SubZero Assassin]

hm... well if you wanna be 'nice' about it, just be like: you like me for my spontaneity right? well our sex isn't spontaneous enough for me, i wanna try different things, let's go get a sex book?  

[Tendara]

Oh. Thats a great idea!  

[Vindico]

Now THAT is a harsh title.

How to give him tips? Just give him tips. Open communication is a must in any good relationship. How is he going to know that he sucks if you don't tell him?
Tell him to mix it up a bit and be spontaneous. Seriously, if you've never had spontanious sex, try it. When your in the mood, don't give him any idea that you want to, just tackle him and for all intents and purposes, rape him XD. Its NOT rape, and if he starts to kick up a fuss. STOP. (no I've never DONE this, but I have received it. And it rocks)

If you want pleasure the way YOU want it, then be dominant. Tell him that. "honey, tonight we're doing things my way, so just follow my lead" If he has any brains, he'll learn from that and keep doing those things that you like.  

[SubZero Assassin]

hope it works out wink  

[Tendara]

Tuxedo Avenger

Now THAT is a harsh title.

How to give him tips? Just give him tips. Open communication is a must in any good relationship. How is he going to know that he sucks if you don't tell him?
Tell him to mix it up a bit and be spontaneous. Seriously, if you've never had spontanious sex, try it. When your in the mood, don't give him any idea that you want to, just tackle him and for all intents and purposes, rape him XD. Its NOT rape, and if he starts to kick up a fuss. STOP. (no I've never DONE this, but I have received it. And it rocks)

If you want pleasure the way YOU want it, then be dominant. Tell him that. "honey, tonight we're doing things my way, so just follow my lead" If he has any brains, he'll learn from that and keep doing those things that you like.

Alright. Our anniversary is Wed. so I'll try it then. XD Yes, harsh title.. but it grabbed people's attention.

@Sub- me 2  

[Vindico]

Teh Matthew

Mmm.. porn. But, I'm not 18, so I can't buy a porno.
I guess I could get someone to buy it for me.

Yeah, my brother and sister we're 5 years older than me and we're always willing to buy booze and porn for me. But I don't drink and I've never had the need for porn (if I'm really despite, there's always 4-chan)

The only time I used their services was to buy my girlfriend (at the time) a vibrator for her 16th birthday as a joke. To this day I wonder if that thing gets any use XD  

[comfylove]

This is why Lici and I agreed to be hot lesbian lovers.  

[Tendara]

Tuxedo Avenger

Teh Matthew

Mmm.. porn. But, I'm not 18, so I can't buy a porno.
I guess I could get someone to buy it for me.

Yeah, my brother and sister we're 5 years older than me and we're always willing to buy booze and porn for me. But I don't drink and I've never had the need for porn (if I'm really despite, there's always 4-chan)

The only time I used their services was to buy my girlfriend (at the time) a vibrator for her 16th birthday as a joke. To this day I wonder if that thing gets any use XD

xD Ask her?

@Comfy- Fun. <3  

[Vindico]

Teh Matthew

Tuxedo Avenger

Now THAT is a harsh title.

How to give him tips? Just give him tips. Open communication is a must in any good relationship. How is he going to know that he sucks if you don't tell him?
Tell him to mix it up a bit and be spontaneous. Seriously, if you've never had spontanious sex, try it. When your in the mood, don't give him any idea that you want to, just tackle him and for all intents and purposes, rape him XD. Its NOT rape, and if he starts to kick up a fuss. STOP. (no I've never DONE this, but I have received it. And it rocks)

If you want pleasure the way YOU want it, then be dominant. Tell him that. "honey, tonight we're doing things my way, so just follow my lead" If he has any brains, he'll learn from that and keep doing those things that you like.

Alright. Our anniversary is Wed. so I'll try it then. XD Yes, harsh title.. but it grabbed people's attention.

@Sub- me 2

How lucky. I didn't get ANY action on my birthday (may 5th) or our 1 year (june 6th)

Seriously, periods suck DX  

[Vindico]

Teh Matthew

Tuxedo Avenger

Teh Matthew

Mmm.. porn. But, I'm not 18, so I can't buy a porno.
I guess I could get someone to buy it for me.

Yeah, my brother and sister we're 5 years older than me and we're always willing to buy booze and porn for me. But I don't drink and I've never had the need for porn (if I'm really despite, there's always 4-chan)

The only time I used their services was to buy my girlfriend (at the time) a vibrator for her 16th birthday as a joke. To this day I wonder if that thing gets any use XD

xD Ask her?

@Comfy- Fun. <3

I havn't talked to her in about 2 years. It would be kinda strange to write on her wall on facebook saying "So, ever use that vibrator I gave you?" XD