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Alright... I wrote this. It's a Parody of the Grinch Who Stole Christmas (the Seuss version). I would like opinions, and ideas on how to improve it. I know it sucks... which is why I need help.



Everyone down in Barton loved Christmas a lot.
But the Zurg, who lived upwards of Barton... did not.
The Zurg hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
Now, please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason.

It could be that their green heads weren’t screwed on quite right.
It could be, perhaps, that their minds were damaged in a fight.
But I think the most likely reason all
Was that the invading aliens’ hearts were two sizes too small.

But whatever the reason, their hearts or minds
One stood there on Christmas Eve, hating the Gaians.
Staring down from his space ship with a sour, alien frown
At the warm lighted windows below in their town

For he knew every Gaian in Barton beneath
Was busy now, hanging a beautiful wreath
And they’re hanging their stockings! He snarled with a sneer
Tomorrow is Christmas! It’s practically here!

Then he growled, with his alien fingers practically drumming
I must find a way to stop Christmas from coming!
For tomorrow, I know all the Gaian girls and boys
Will wake bright and early, and rush for their toys!
And then! Oh, the begging! The whining! The noise!
That’s the one thing I hate, the NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!

Then the Gaians, young and old, will sit down in their house
And they’ll feast, and they’ll feast! And they’ll feast, feast, feast!
They’d feast on Pizza! And Pancakes! And Turkey!
Oh, those human foods I hate more than Jerkey!

And THEN they’d do something he liked least of all!
Every Gaian down in Barton, the tall and the small
Would be playing their music, with Christmas Bells ringing
They’d dance in their living rooms, and then start their singing!

Gaians:


And they sing! And they SING! And they SING! SING! SING!

And the more the Zurg thought of this Gaia-Christmas-Sing
The more the Zurg thought I must stop this whole thing!
Why, for four years now, it’s been going on now!
I MUST stop Christmas from coming... but how?

And then he got an idea! An awful idea!
THE ZURG GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
I know what to do! He laughed in his throat
And he made a quick butterfly net, and stole a goat

And he chuckled, and clucked, What a great Zurg-ish trick!
With this net, and this goat, I can kidnap Saint Nick!

All I need is a reindeer... the Zurg looked around.
But since there were no Reindeer on Gaia, there was none to be found.
Did this stop the old Zurg? No! The Zurg simply said...
If I can’t find a reindeer... I’ll take one out of their bed!

So he looked around Gaia, and did what he said,
And kidnapped a girl with reindeer antlers stuck to her head.
Then he took a bazooka, and a big, empty sack,
On a broken-down mini-UFO someone had thrown right back

Then the Zurg said Giddyup! And the UFO started down.
Towards the homes where the Gaians lay asleep in their town
All their windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air.
All the Gaians were dreaming their dreams without care.

When he came to the first little house in the town
This is stop number one! He cried, and jumped down.
And he climbed to the roof, all his stuff on his back.
Then he slid down the chimney, to set up his trap.
After all, he was thinner than Santa, that rat!

He got stuck not once, not a moment or two.
Then he stuck his face out of the fireplace flue.
Where the Gaian’s stockings were hung in a row.
These stockings, he grinned, are the bait, and must go!

Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant
Around the whole room, and he took every present!

Gwees! Mochis! Boots and Hats! Skirts!
Yetis, and Angelbows, and Collars, and Shirts!

And he stuffed them in bags, then the Zurg, very nimbly
Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimbley!

Then he slunk to the freezer. He took the Gaian’s jerkey!
He took the frozen pizza, and the frozen turkey!
He cleaned out that freezer, and Look! He cried, Hola!
He reached in and took their last bottle of Cola!

Then he stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee.
Santa, he cried, you’ll soon come to me!
And the Zurg grabbed the tree, and he started to shove
When he heard a small sound, like the coo of a dove

He turned around fast, and saw a pretty boy
Metanaito, too sleepy to look ‘round for toys
The Zurg had been caught by this one Gaian boy
Who’d crawled out of bed, to see what was the noise

He stared at the Zurg, and said Eleven, why?!
Why are you taking my Christmas tree, why?!
But you know, that old Zurg was so smart and so slick
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick

Why, my sweet little boy, the alien lied
02 told me to come, fix the light on this side.
So I’m taking it up to the Mothership, my dear
I’ll fix it up there, then I’ll bring it back here.

His fib fooled the boy, who was too sleepy to care,
He went back upstairs, to get the candy cane there
And when Metanaito was gone from his sight,
The Zurg got out of there at the speed of light.

He shot the tree with his bazooka, and took the logs for the fire,
Then he went back up the chimney himself, that big liar
On their walls he left nothing but hooks and some wire
And the one speck of food that he left in the house
Was a crumb that was far too small for a ROUS

Then he did the same thing to the other Gaian’s houses
Leaving crumbs much too small for the other Gaian’s ROUSes.
It was a quarter past dawn, the Gaians still did not know
For they were still asnooze when he packed up his UFO

Packed it up with their presents! The ribbons! The wrappings!
The tags! And the tinsel! The trimmings! The trappings!
Several thousand feet up! Into the Mothership!
He took the stuff to the deepest regions, to tip!

Come, come, Santa Claus! He was Zurg-ily humming
They’ll find out real soon that no Christmas is coming!
They’re just waking up! I know just what they’ll do!
Their mouths will hang open a minute of two
Then the Gaiains down in Barton will all cry BOO-HOO!

And then, grinned the Zurg, they’ll surrender to Mother.
So he set up his net, and prepared, Santa to smother.
And he heard a sound rising over the snow.
It started in low. Then it started to grow…

But the sound wasn’t sad! Why, this sound sounded merry!
It couldn’t be so! But it WAS merry! VERY!
He stared out of the window! The Zurg popped his eyes!
Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking surprise!

Every Gaian down in Barton, the tall and the small,
Was singing! Without any presents at all!
I HAVEN’T stopped Christmas from coming! IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!

And the Zurg, with his green feet ice-cold in the snow,
Stood puzzling and puzzling- How could it be so?
It came without ribbons! It came without tags!
It came without packages, boxes or bags!

And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Zurg thought of something he hadn’t before!
Maybe Santa, he thought, isn’t coming at all…
Maybe Christmas… perhaps… means a little bit more!

And what happened then…? Well… in Barton they say
That the Zurg was zapped by Santa that day!
And the minute the Zurg didn’t feel quite right
Santa whizzed with his load through the bright morning light

He brought back the toys! And the food for eating!
And Santa, HIMSELF! Gave Mother a beating!

...are? *blinks*

It took me a few minutes to read, but I certainly did enjoy it! I don't think there is anything to be improved, and aww, little boy meta!! I loved that part x3

Aw, yay! ^_^ People like it! XD Thanks.

I agree with Ari-chan. Wait, are we calling her Kari now? Well, whichever name, I agree. People would really enjoy it.