Alyssandre looked to the sky as she walked, noting with dismay that the fluffier white clouds that had filled the sky on her way out earlier had been completely replaced by thick gray storm clouds. She’d been so lost in thought that her walk had slowed to a gentle plodding, and had uncharacteristically completely lost track of time. Coming to a stop she turned to look behind her. Giant deep dark grey clouds roiled up from the horizon reaching high into the sky. She gasped in shock. It looked for all the world like a massive tidal wave bearing down upon her- but made of angry clouds rather than frothing water. Whipping her head around so quickly that her curls tangled for a moment in her wings she jerked her neck to free them, but only sent them tumbling across her vision instead. Shaking them back she looked about- slower this time, and noted there was no sign of the sun. The wind had picked up, carrying a terrible cold edge to it. That was what had made her look to the sky- the chill biting into her wings.
Panic rose up within her just as angry and boiling as the clouds. She couldn’t think, her eyes wide and showing whites all the way around- except there was no one around to see it. She panted as though she’d been galloping hard and yet still felt there was no air. Her body seemed frozen in place which was entirely at odds with her internal voice screaming at her to run in terror. Her chest hurt with the force of her own heart racing like it wanted to beat its way outside of her. Her whole being seemed completely infused with sheer terror.
Wait. Not all of her. In the far back of her mind there was a small voice, quiet but there. Alyssandre caught it and held tight to it with willpower. She knew this. It was a panic attack. She’d not had one this bad since she was a foal. But the skills came back to her, gently flooding through her mind with force built of repetition and time. On her next frantic inhale she held her breath for a full four beats before letting it out in a controlled stream of four beats. It felt familiar and there was a comfort in that. Taking heart she closed her eyes and focused on her breathing. It was one of the main ways the body sustained life- and if she could control her breathing the rest of her body would follow.
Just like it had years ago her body relaxed. She shifted her weight from hoof to hoof, scuffing the path intentionally drawing up small furrows in the packed soil of the path. The earth was below, grounding her. The wind gusted past, catching her curls and sending them dancing in front of her even while the chill made her wings tremble. She could smell the storm coming, the scent heavy in the air. But underneath it was that of the sleeping earth, dried grass and soil rich and filling. Opening her eyes last she looked at the path noting a small rock in the shape of a lopsided heart.
The storm looked bad with the cold promising snow as a certainty. It was odd for this time of year, but apparently winter chose to go out fighting this year. Well that was just fine, because she could fight too. Now in control of herself she had to find shelter. Not familiar enough with this route she didn’t know how close to the mountains this path went. She could try racing into the storm hoping to find a cave- but it could be a long shot.
“Sometimes the way out is not always ahead” she told herself quietly. So if she didn’t want to go headlong into the storm….she wondered about what lay behind her. The winds were pushing the storm quickly but she was ahead of it for now. There was that forest she’d cut through the edge of not long ago. There had been several large evergreens….. and given the warm dry spell they’d been having recently if she went deep enough…there were good odds that she could find one that was dry underneath. With the way they grew they created a natural teepee like area that would be warm and dry…and she could help with that.
Having made her decision she turned around on the path- putting the way home to her family at her back and galloped full out in the opposite direction. Part of her still panicked of course. But she let it happen as it would without putting energy into the thoughts. Letting them come and go as the wind through the trees. It wasn’t effective to try and stop them, defend against them, dodge away from them, or even to allow them to form and work her way through them logically. They were only thoughts and couldn’t truly hurt her after all.
Surprisingly Alyssandre found this race with the storm to be exhilerating. She was aware that the storm could quite easily kill her, but only if she stopped moving, stopped fighting. If she held onto hope and just kept going- that was her best chance to beat it. A fierce joy welled up inside, bringing to mind a slow volcanic eruption within of lava flowing to fill her up completely with its warmth. It felt amazing!
She was so full of life- in a way she’d never before experienced- her mind grasped for something to compare it to. She felt elated, ready to take on the whole wide world at once! No, wait. Not just take on the world….but do so and win! It wasn’t a certainty by any means yet the possibility was clearly there. Her mind latched on to the word “possibility”. It seemed quite important.
Drawing out of her thoughts as she reached the forest and looked about for a path deeper. A gap on the left caught her eye and not pausing to think she threw herself towards it. Through the break in the undergrowth was a narrow winding deer path that she followed. Unable to move at speed here she slowed and brought awareness to her surroundings. Already the effects of the coming storm were lessened as the wind had much less force between the trees. The temperature drop was more apparent here, and there was an ominous stillness. The small creatures that made the forest noises had already sought safety.
It was unsettling to feel so vibrantly bursting with life and energy while the woods around her were devoid of the typical noise and activity. Feeling almost surreal making her way deeper into the eerie silent woods she continued. The path opened up more as the trees grew closer together here, there wasn’t much possibility of sunlight reaching the ground. There was that word again- possibility. She let the thought be as she continued- treating it like small animal in the meadow- if she didn’t focus on it but just let it be- it would come closer.
Sniffing experimentally brought the scent of pine growing stronger. The path had almost faded completely by now, and it was getting harder to see. It seemed as though night had fallen hours early. The noise made by her hooves were softened into whispers by the accumulation of dead leaves and pine needles coating the ground. Prodding experimentally showed that the topmost layers were dryer, she had to dig in a hoof to reach moist decaying foliage. This was good and the lava inside her swelled as thought it might burst free of her like a second eruption.
Realizing she was smiling, not her normal shy half smile but a teeth baring grin was surprising. What was it about being so close to mortal peril that felt so phenomenal? Shaking her head like she could actually shake the thought out her silvery curls tangled in an evergreen bough beside her. With a soft huff she backed up to pull free but somehow her mane was wound under and pulled the bough back with her. Giving it a look her eyes widened as she actually saw what was in front of her. Through the gaps of furry pine was a dark space that smelled warm and dry. Because the lower branches died off as the tree continued to grow there was a natural shelter created in a cone around the base of the tree. With the evergreen boughs above growing out and down to catch as much sunlight as possible natural teepee walls were created.
She had found her shelter! Lunging forward to press inside she released the tension and the branch sprang forward and whacked across her nose. Snorting in shock and being brought into reality forcefully made her pause. Taking a full deep breath and letting it out in a controlled stream grounded her again. This time she pushed forward more deliberately and after a few moments of undignified wriggling, a few scratches, a shower of pine needles, and more sticks in her hair than she wanted to know she was underneath. Tucking in close near the base of the large tree she bedded down to wait out this unexpected storm.
Being as safe as she could make herself outwardly, her attention turned inwards again. Running the events back through her mind there was that glimmering thread of a new emotion woven through it all…and the word- possibility. The word could mean something good or something bad- and both gave a sense of energy. But the outcome of either was uncertain and that seemed to make the emotion swell. It flowed like water around a pile of rocks in a stream- the water finding every tiny space between and slipping through. Because where there was space there was possibility….and that meant it was a potential way forward. Hmmm. No, that wasn’t right. It wasn’t about going forward, but about movement and flow. Water would always win. It would of course take the path of least resistance, but it would also make its own path even if that meant carving through solid rock. It always found a way. Something settled inside her as she came up with the word she’d searched for. Hope. Wrapping herself in the newfound warmth of emotion she held onto that shining strand of hope that she would make it through this blizzard.
