Staff Members Russo and Meltzer announce WrestleMania host!

[Drive Type Wild]

Staff Member Russo and Staff Member Meltzer are standing in the center of the ring.

SMR: "Bro, my best bro Cartwright sent me and Staff Member Meltzer out here to announce that the host of WrestleMania has arrived! Bro, it's a surprise to us!"

SMM: "Umm, well, my sources have clued me in to who it is but I can't really confirm him."

SMR: "Well, let's get him out here!"

I'm Back plays and Staff Member Bischoff steps out onto the stage to a mixed reaction, wearing a tan suit as he walks down to the ring, to the disappointment of Staff Member Meltzer. Staff Member Bischoff walks up the stairs and steps between the ropes into the ring, equally disappointed to see Staff Member Meltzer. The music dies down as Staff Member Bischoff is handed a microphone.

Staff Member Bischoff: "Of all the people I never expected to see in a ring, Meltzer, you take the cake."

Meltzer: "Hello, Eric. I have to say, you weren't in my guesses as to who would host WrestleMania."

Bischoff: "Funny, because I'm not here to play host. I'm here because as much as I respect Cartwright, I have a problem with him giving someone like you a job, Dave."

Staff Member Russo: "C'mon bros, let's settle down and talk about this in the office."

Staff Member Bischoff: "No, I'm here because I've decided that Staff Member Meltzer here needs to be dealt with and his hack journalism needs to be silenced for good. I'm here because I challenge Staff Member Meltzer to a match... at WrestleMania!"

The crowd's reaction is mixed, but there are those who want to see Staff Member Meltzer get his desserts for his bad reporting.

Staff Member Russo: "Well, bros, my best bro Cartwright is pretty busy handling important WWFG business and recovering for his match at Royal Rumble against Hiro Shin-Mozas, bro - so there's only one person capable of making such a marquee match official. And that's the host of WrestleMania, so host bro, whoever you are, get out here bro!"

The arena is plunged into darkness. Then...

The war comes to Philadelphia....

The voice must be familiar to this crowd, because they rise to their feet.

Woke up this morning!
Yeah!
You got yourself a gun!


The crowd thunders with approval as a blue Lamborghini Revuelto pulls into the arena. The door opens and to the shock of all three Staff Members, it's the man who felled Cartwright at the previous WrestleMania in his final match: the Snypa Rifle! The Demented Genius of Extreme has a huge smile on his face as he walks down the aisle, a pep in his step with his signature double barreled shotgun in hand, before breaking into a sprint and sliding under the bottom rope into the ring. He gets up on one knee, then his feet before pulling both triggers and firing two massive fireballs into the air in a great show of pyrotechnics. He discards the empty prop weapon before pulling a microphone from his back pocket.

Before the Extreme Sage can say anything, he is overwhelmed by chants of "Welcome back!" After letting the moment soak in, Snypa finally speaks.

"Damn, it feels good to be back! The last time I was in an arena on this side of the barricade, I was giving my farewells. But to be the host of WrestleMania? Damn, this is one honor I never expected to have. Here's how this came about: Staff Member Meltzer here was putting out feelers to celebrities who he felt were good for the job and then there were some that shouldn't be. Case in point, I intercepted this particular abuser's personal assistant..."

Boos for Snypa's most hated foe, the one who isn't even a wrestler!

"And when I saw the black eye, I offered her a job as MY assistant and a $250,000 signing bonus... hey, fielding calls from fans and former cast members of previous Power Rangers seasons is a very tough task for me, because I love my work. However, I'm here because she handed me the invitation that was meant for her former boss and the rest is history. WrestleMania is a big event, and who better than me to host it?!"

The crowd at No Way Out roars in approval as Snypa then turns to Staff Member Meltzer and Staff Member Bischoff.

"I see I'm already being put to work here and we haven't even gotten to the Showcase of the Immortals. From the looks of things, you two got some beef that needs to be settled and you wanna do it in Philly! Fine by me: at WrestleMania, Staff Member Meltzer will finally get his a** in the ring against Staff Member Bischoff!"

Staff Member Russo is not very happy at this turn of developments.

SMR: "Hold on, bro! You can't just--"

Staff Member Russo is interrupted by Snypa's signature Black Mist to the eyes, clouding his vision and burning his eyeballs! He screams painfully before being thrown over the top rope to the outside by the Extreme Sage to more cheers.

"If that's all..."

Snypa then hoists Staff Member Meltzer up and sends him crashing back down with the Snypebuster! Staff Member Bischoff celebrates before realizing the Prodigal Son of Violence's icy gaze has turned to him once he's standing. SMB tries to run out of the ring, but Snypa grabs him by his suit coat and drives him backwards, knees into back with the Chambered Round!

The message now clear as to who WrestleMania will be hosted by, Snypa exits the ring and heads back to his car.  

[Drive Type Wild]

JR: "The Snypa Rifle as the host of WrestleMania! We're a long six weeks away, who knows what'll happen?!"

King: "This isn't gonna be good, JR! Snypa might set the whole show on fire, literally!"

Once backstage and in the parking lot, Snypa exits his Lamborghini just as interviewer Corey Graves runs up to him.

Corey: "Snypa, is the announcement you made true? Are you really the special guest host of WrestleMania?"

Snypa: "You're damn right I am. My ironclad invitation, with the official seal of WWFG, B-T-W- was signed by none other than the guy whose sorry British a** I maimed and bloodied in a match for the ages: your boss, Cartwright. So, basically the guy who's probably shaking glass shards out of his skull almost a year later is paying me to make sure his biggest show goes off without a hitch. Carty, you can count on me, ol' buddy, ol' pal: this'll be the biggest WrestleMania ever!"