I made the mistake of expressing what I feel again. I kinda forgot that, even though I'm told I can say whatever is on my mind, and I'm supposed to express myself, what what the f*ck ever, people get mad at me, or tell me I'm wrong to feel that way, no matter what it is I f*cking feel.
I really don't give a sh*t if I'm wrong. If I f*cking confide in you, I don't want to hear that I'm wrong, or it's all on me, or what the f*ck ever. I want you to f*cking listen, and don't give me any f*cking bullsh*t over it.
It's so f*cking funny... I'm told by my parents and siblings that I have to express myself more. Because I don't show anything unless it's happiness. I don't talk about my problems with anyone because, either they make me feel like sh*t when I do, or I just feel like a burden. And that's not just something I told myself. I used to be fine talking about my feelings, and telling my parents and whoever else about my problems if I need to talk. But I learned, over the countless times people, especially my siblings, have made me feel worse about how I feel because of the way I feel. I learned to shut up, bottle it up, and deal with it myself. But they say I can tell them anything. No I f*cking can't. Don't make me laugh.
But, of course, every now and again, I'll b*tch about something. School, or a frustration I have, or if someone pissed me off.. But all of a sudden, it's turned on me. I seem to forget that, even though they say I can, I'm not allowed to f*cking feel. Or, at least.. Not show it.
OOPS! MY F*CKING BAD! PLEASE FORGIVE ME! I didn't mean to insult you with the topic of how I feel.
I mean.. I wasn't even that mad... I just made a little comment because I was just slightly annoyed... I can't even say that much, apparently. Because now, what was a small little annoyance, that probably would've been gone in like... less than a minute.. Is now anger and frustration and a much bigger annoyance.
This is the only thing I hate about not having friends.. Normally, it's fine.. I don't care. But I imagine they'll actually listen to me, and respect my feelings, instead of throwing them in my face like it doesn't matter. Instead, if I want to blow off steam, I'm stuck with a family that only seems to give a sh*t if I'm unhappy, when I'm actually not unhappy..
I really don't give a sh*t if I'm wrong. If I f*cking confide in you, I don't want to hear that I'm wrong, or it's all on me, or what the f*ck ever. I want you to f*cking listen, and don't give me any f*cking bullsh*t over it.
It's so f*cking funny... I'm told by my parents and siblings that I have to express myself more. Because I don't show anything unless it's happiness. I don't talk about my problems with anyone because, either they make me feel like sh*t when I do, or I just feel like a burden. And that's not just something I told myself. I used to be fine talking about my feelings, and telling my parents and whoever else about my problems if I need to talk. But I learned, over the countless times people, especially my siblings, have made me feel worse about how I feel because of the way I feel. I learned to shut up, bottle it up, and deal with it myself. But they say I can tell them anything. No I f*cking can't. Don't make me laugh.
But, of course, every now and again, I'll b*tch about something. School, or a frustration I have, or if someone pissed me off.. But all of a sudden, it's turned on me. I seem to forget that, even though they say I can, I'm not allowed to f*cking feel. Or, at least.. Not show it.
OOPS! MY F*CKING BAD! PLEASE FORGIVE ME! I didn't mean to insult you with the topic of how I feel.
I mean.. I wasn't even that mad... I just made a little comment because I was just slightly annoyed... I can't even say that much, apparently. Because now, what was a small little annoyance, that probably would've been gone in like... less than a minute.. Is now anger and frustration and a much bigger annoyance.
This is the only thing I hate about not having friends.. Normally, it's fine.. I don't care. But I imagine they'll actually listen to me, and respect my feelings, instead of throwing them in my face like it doesn't matter. Instead, if I want to blow off steam, I'm stuck with a family that only seems to give a sh*t if I'm unhappy, when I'm actually not unhappy..
