Post your best stories!

[Warlord_Winters]

My 1st game ever, I had come to watch campaign that was several sessions in, A friend I work with let me tag along. The DM had set up a random bandit encounter with a gnome wizard prisoner, my character. The bandits had kidnapped me from a nearby cities magic school because they insisted I was a leprechaun and had to give them my treasure. After they defeated all the bandits, the DM gave me a premade character sheet. We continued on through the swamp, took out some bears, crocodiles, and an insane berserking dwarf which almost killed me twice. And wound up in a town cursed by a haunted mansion on a hill.

We rested up a bit at the tavern and stocked up before going to check out the mansion, after about an hour of scoobydoo like antics we discovered it was just a group of bratty kids causing mischief. However one of the kids had...yep! the Liches amulet! who had proceeded to possess the kid, and summon about a dozen giant spiders. We put up a hell of a fight, but after our healer died there wasn't much hope. I had decided to give my AOE fire blast a shot, It worked but the DM told me that we had failed to see the 2 inches of kerosene covering the entire mansion floor...we pretty much got crushed by tons of burning exploding wood.  

[Lord of the Vine]

I can't remember where I found the story, but there's one about the party of Dwarven barbarians that gets me every time.  

[The Shade of Casin]

In one campaign my buddy was running a dwarf and he fell into a pit trap. He said that he sat down and said "No, there is not Trap, With my dwarven stubbornness I will it into non existance. Roll 2 100s and then it happened.

Personal character was a futuristic setting where I was playing an Orc. I get into the futuristic MMA, and set the record for end of a fight in a weapon fighting by entering unarmed, and then beating the man with his own arms. The next even I did a ranged weapon combat and just ran to melee and beat the man down with two great axes.

Then back in my basic days, my dad was visiting and so he got included as a set of twins, when one of them dies he goes crazy. He then gets them both killed, and from that point on their names where almost better in pull than the gods. King was like "Brinnus saved my cats life once."  

[Cute Things In Jars]

I've got several stories. My IRL group tries its best to screw with out DM.
In the latest game, we noticed every time he waned to progress the story or tell us about the world, he'd leave a book or a scroll. This in mind, as each of our characters died off, we replaced them with illiterate barbarians. We're at the point in the game were it's 6 people mindlessly throwing chairs in the middle of a fight while the DM tries to find ways to tell the story...it's hilarious.  

[Gabriel Lord of Flame]

Okay, so this is the first time I ever played D&D.

Our group was level 10 but our DM got lazy and leveled me to only level 5. I was playing wizard who was studying magic with dragons. The standing group before the new character were a barbarian/ fighter DMPC, a ranger, a drunken samurai and a half-dragon.

We were visiting the half dragons family. So the DM give control of the dragons to the half dragon player. So that player decided to make his little sister that is a full dragon fall in love with the DM's character. The only way she would let us pass is if she got to sleep with him.

The DM's character was not pleased with this. So the Ranger, the half dragon and the drunken samurai all decide to tie the DM's character to a rock and proceed to have him get raped. The reason this is funny is because the DM decreed and was very adamant about the fact that the Dragon was not old enough to transform into human form.

Immediately after this the drunken samurai jumps into a hole that leads to the dungeon we are going to and lands in an underground lake where his little brother's new character was fishing. He gets fished up by his balls.

This all, culminated inside the dungeon where in the first room I and the samuri's little brother get fireballed and fumble our reflex saves. The entire party says, "******** this I'm out" as not even smoke remained.

Next week the DM has his PC invade the player town.