Until the last several years we, being my family and I, didn't know exactly what was wrong with my dad. He would be perfectly fine for weeks and then he would just become controlling, irritated and over critical of everyone close to him. He'd say my mother was crazy and should go to a mental institution. My childhood was a rough one when my dad was like this. I felt like I had lost the man on fire for God, the man who was so proud to be able to baptize me when I was nine. So many times my mother and I would pray just to have him back for a few hours. What I really wanted was my dad to not be oppressed by this horrible disfigurement in his mind.
I praise God that recently it has been years since my father has had such an episode. However, Now that I am an adult and away from home my father has gone back into a crisis unit. All I can think about is going home and giving him a hug and letting him know that no matter how he feels about himself that I love him with all my heart. But I can't. I'm in college right now and I had a life to live apart from him. This is really hard for me. My mom is home alone. I'm the youngest of my siblings and I have always been the strong one for my mom.
So just pray that as an adult I can continue to get through the pain that God has decided not to cure. He has always brought my father back to me and that is more than I deserve.
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