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 Posted: Thu Sep 12, 2013 8:27 am
*If this doesn't belong here, im sorry >< I need help on this question and not many people are answering it for me..*
So my boyfriend of 3 and a half years were planning on moving in next year together. With the economy, we realize we probly need a third person to live with us as a room mate. Me and him would get one room, the other person would get the other room.
The first day discussing this he said he doesn't want any males. I asked why, and he replied "I don't want any males the same reason you don't want any females!" to which I replied "I wouldn't want any females because of periods. If she bleeds when I bleed, chances are, we will fight. Now if a guy is bleeding, he needs to go to the doctor." Which he got pissed. His reason for not wanting a guy is because hes afraid the guy will rape and/or beat me, he says. His other reason he doesn't want a guy is because he doesn't want to pay for tissues. He thinks guys masturbate a million times a day, and he doesn't want that. Uh? We dropped it for the day.
The second day we discussed this, he informed me that he will be living with this girl Erin....and I can join if I want to. Excuse me, what? Erin is a girl he works with who flirts with him constantly and is all over him. Clearly, I was pissed for many reasons. The main reason is that hes planning to live with her and I can join if I want to, wtf. He says he picked her because he doesn't want me controlling him by picking who we live with. I told him I wanted to interview people together and pick who we want together, not alone. He then proceeded to tell me that because he will be paying more for rent, I don't have a choice. Needless to say, we are on another break. Since hes been working where he works, his bipolar has been acting up. He doesn't see it and he wont get help. Its worse than he thinks it is, but I don't know how to tell him. But that's aside the point.
To the point, should I let him choose who we live with or should I stand my ground and fight even if I need to end it with him?
Which is the better gender to live with? Why?
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Posted: Thu Sep 12, 2013 9:34 am
When he says, "I don't want any males the same reason you don't want any females!" that makes it sound like he doesn't trust you. It sounds like he's saying, "I don't trust you around males, just like you don't trust me around females." And if he doesn't trust you and feels like you don't or shouldn't trust him, that's not ideal...
And tissues...? Really...? Roommates don't share every expense. If a person (male or female or other) wants a stash of tissues for their bedroom for any reason, that would be their own expense. So that reason is just silly.
And yeah, I would be majorly pissed if my partner of 3+ years, who I was making plans to move in with, said that he was moving in with someone else, that I had no say in that at all because he makes more money, and that I could join in if I wanted. Because at that point, it sounds like he's a control freak and just wants to make sure that he has full control of the situation and that you have no control unless he lets you have some. Even if he would be 100% paying for both of you and you would be contributing nothing financially, you'd still be part of the relationship. He still has to respect you as a partner and as a person. Even if you bring no money to the table, you probably bring other things to the table (maybe cleaning, cooking, emotional support, etc.) If he acts like you have little to no say in the matter, it's like he's saying you have no value in the relationship, no worth. And that's bull.
Regardless of who makes more money or who pays for what, I think choosing a roommate should be a joint decision. Unless you two have a D/s thing going on and enjoy that sort of power exchange, then you two should have equal standing in the relationship.
That's just my opinion. If I were you, I would stand my ground on it, even if it meant ending the relationship. But you certainly know more about your relationship, how you feel, and what you want than I do. So how you proceed is entirely up to you.
I don't think there is such a thing as a "better" gender to live with. I think it's more personal than that. I think some women would make great roommates for some people and crummy roommates for others. And I think some men would make great roommates for some people and crummy roommates for others. So when picking a roommate, I would not pay attention to gender. I would look for someone who seems clean, responsible, respectful, punctual, and probably a lot like me.
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Posted: Thu Sep 12, 2013 10:03 am
LorienLlewellyn When he says, "I don't want any males the same reason you don't want any females!" that makes it sound like he doesn't trust you. It sounds like he's saying, "I don't trust you around males, just like you don't trust me around females." And if he doesn't trust you and feels like you don't or shouldn't trust him, that's not ideal... And tissues...? Really...? Roommates don't share every expense. If a person (male or female or other) wants a stash of tissues for their bedroom for any reason, that would be their own expense. So that reason is just silly. And yeah, I would be majorly pissed if my partner of 3+ years, who I was making plans to move in with, said that he was moving in with someone else, that I had no say in that at all because he makes more money, and that I could join in if I wanted. Because at that point, it sounds like he's a control freak and just wants to make sure that he has full control of the situation and that you have no control unless he lets you have some. Even if he would be 100% paying for both of you and you would be contributing nothing financially, you'd still be part of the relationship. He still has to respect you as a partner and as a person. Even if you bring no money to the table, you probably bring other things to the table (maybe cleaning, cooking, emotional support, etc.) If he acts like you have little to no say in the matter, it's like he's saying you have no value in the relationship, no worth. And that's bull. Regardless of who makes more money or who pays for what, I think choosing a roommate should be a joint decision. Unless you two have a D/s thing going on and enjoy that sort of power exchange, then you two should have equal standing in the relationship. That's just my opinion. If I were you, I would stand my ground on it, even if it meant ending the relationship. But you certainly know more about your relationship, how you feel, and what you want than I do. So how you proceed is entirely up to you. I don't think there is such a thing as a "better" gender to live with. I think it's more personal than that. I think some women would make great roommates for some people and crummy roommates for others. And I think some men would make great roommates for some people and crummy roommates for others. So when picking a roommate, I would not pay attention to gender. I would look for someone who seems clean, responsible, respectful, punctual, and probably a lot like me. He doesn't trust me because of what the ladies at work, Erin and her mom, are saying about me. Mind you, ive never met either of them so they know nothing about me razz They are attacking my mother too, and stealing from the company. Side note, never let your boyfriend and mother work together. Id never cheat, and I do trust him (for the most part) around other females. I know that reason is super silly. I got a chuckle out of it because I thought he was kidding at first. Until he started yelling about how bad thatd be, even if they bought their own tissues. I don't understand what the big deal is about someone masturbating in their own home, even if its a shared home. Should I break up with him for that? My gut and my brain say I should because hes treating me terribly about this situation, but I don't know. I don't know if this is a phase or not. I don't know if it will get better when he gets a new job/new friends. I don't know. Should I wait for him to realize or should I leave? I brought up that point to him the other day (not looking at gender, but someone who is clean, respectful, ect) and he said no. Hes dead set that he will live with another girl and not another guy. Even if that means she is the worst person in the world.
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Posted: Thu Sep 12, 2013 11:04 am
If he's acting like that and if your gut and brain tell you to end it, then I'd say you should probably end it. I don't think waiting and hoping that maybe future jobs or future friends will change him is a particularly good idea. But it's really up to you.
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Posted: Thu Sep 12, 2013 11:58 am
LorienLlewellyn If he's acting like that and if your gut and brain tell you to end it, then I'd say you should probably end it. I don't think waiting and hoping that maybe future jobs or future friends will change him is a particularly good idea. But it's really up to you. Well I ended it. Turns out he already out a payment down with her before even discussing this with me.
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