Asking Parents to Marry Their Daughter

[Edenspeace]

Okay so i have a unique question thingy razz

I am 21 and she is 20, we have been dating for almost 8 months but have been friends for almost a year now.

ANYWAY, she has a mom and a step dad and then she also has a dad and a step mom.

i talked to her Mom and step dad and never go a yes or a no, even though the step dad sounds like it is a no. i haven't talk to the dad and step mom.

so my real question is if the real parents both say yes and one step parent said no. should i still propose to my girlfriend?  

[Rednal]

Ultimately, the decision to marry is down to the people actually getting married - it's just that the blessing of the parents helps to maintain stable and friendly relationships long into the future, which is good. I think the opinion of the step-parent is somewhat less important than the real parents, though... unless, y'know, the step-parents are marriage counselors or other people who know a LOT about relationships, in which case you should seriously consider their opinion at all times. o.O That does happen.  

[emorhconom esor]

It should come down to the permission of the parents. What it mainly comes down to is what the dad says because the dad is always more critical about who married the daughter.  

[Aquatic_blue]

Traditionally, in plenty of cultures or as a courteous measure - the one proposing (generally the male) asks the parents, "May I marry (name here)?"

Now, this can stop two people from ever getting married as tragic as it is. Imagine, two people find true love and the parents don't approve - if you follow the parent's, "No." Then two people that may have been brought together by God are being separated. Also, what if the parents have a heavy judgement against someone whom you love when there shouldn't be? Or don't like you because of some stupid reason like your family background or your race? Do these people follow God and pray about these things?

My view point is different than some and some may call me disrespectful. But my reasons for why my view is this way is due to experience as provided below.

I mean, like...my experience with this was...my husband never asked my parents for my hand in marriage. He told me he thought about doing so first before officially becoming engaged to me, but I was the one that said, "No, don't...I know they won't approve...I have a feeling they won't because we haven't known each other for as long as they would have liked and they don't tend to like guys I have dated. My mom liked one guy I dated, but he was he was a flat out player and a jerk." I knew my parents would say, "No." - mostly my mother because she once told me, "I'd prefer you date a guy that is preferably white...and Christian." She put the "Christian" part last in that statement, which concerned me heavily. I brought it up to her later and she completely denies it, but I'll never forget it because I was in absolute shock when she said something like that. The guy I dated was partly white, but not 100% white. I mean, I'm technically not even 100% white, I'm just mostly white so I don't see the issue.

I told my parents first while I was at lunch with them and my boyfriend, "How do you feel about our relationship?" and you know...they said, "Why do you ask?" and I said, "Well, what if I told you that we were getting married?" My mother had a fit...tried to scare him off with multiple things that I do or things that I can't help. Although, he wasn't scared away - I knew she couldn't scare him away. My dad was basically giving us marriage tips and was saying, "Make sure you can afford it and you can always take your time because you two aren't going anywhere anytime soon." So it was a "yes" and "no" at the same time - basically a, "Your decision." Type deal. My mom was upset and was trying to set this back so we didn't marry.

I flat out said, "We want to get married and we are going to do so." and then my mom said, "Don't expect us to pay for your wedding." Then I said, "We don't expect any help from family because we don't want to place that burden on you. We will take care of our own wedding costs." and then she's like annoyed because she thought we'd have to rely on her. She did help pay for some stuff for the wedding...but it was a long process because she wanted a certain business to cater, and my fiance and I knew it wasn't any good...oi...planning for that wedding...I hardly went a day without tears. My mother was so overwhelming...bossing me around. I mean, I feel a little bad that I didn't take her to go pick out my wedding dress so maybe she felt left out. I just felt like I didn't have her support at all and since she's called dresses I had worn "ugly" before...I didn't want to find a beautiful gown and her be like, "That's sooo trashy/ugly/immodest." or whatever so I took a friend. I wanted to take my fiance, because I'm not a traditionalist, and then people made him promise he wouldn't come with me to pick out my wedding dress. I was so frustrated and my bridal shower was a disaster...I should have tried to go for a wedding party with both of us present because it might've kept things under control a bit better. I felt my mother made sure she made my decision a living hell for me. Especially when my husband and I had some problems and then she was all saying, "I knew you got married too soon."/"You don't have to be married to be happy."/"If he's going to divorce you - you can't do anything about it."/"If he's going to try to divorce you then try to get some form of alimony." Just...stuff that she shoved in my face and said, "I told ya so."

Sorry sweatdrop -end rant-

Don't feel you have to go through her parents unless it's important to her. Because I have heard of scenarios where a guy proposes to a girl, and then she goes home - the parents don't approve, so she calls the whole thing off. After that, it's heartbreaking not only for you, but more than likely for her as well. It's a good thing to talk about. Although, I know society is all about "popping the question". I feel it's important to talk about it and pray about it.  

[Blaise-Ingram]

I wish I knew more about marriage and what love and dating is like (I'm basically going to be single forever, or probably most of my life, lol), but Aquatic Blue's post really hit home with me.

There's always the matter of compromising, too. Like if a parent says no, you can ask what you can do that would change their mind, such as waiting a few years to get married, or doing something to change yourself for the better (as long as it's actually for the better, though).

Maybe if you even brought them gifts (and I know these things cost money, which stinks, I know) to show that her parents are important to you and that you value their opinions and their relationship with their daughter, as well as your relationship with them. Some kind of gesture to show that they matter to you, even though they're not blood relatives, might be nice. C:  

[kesuke uchiha]

Edenspeace

Okay so i have a unique question thingy razz

I am 21 and she is 20, we have been dating for almost 8 months but have been friends for almost a year now.

ANYWAY, she has a mom and a step dad and then she also has a dad and a step mom.

i talked to her Mom and step dad and never go a yes or a no, even though the step dad sounds like it is a no. i haven't talk to the dad and step mom.

so my real question is if the real parents both say yes and one step parent said no. should i still propose to my girlfriend?

lol do not ask for permission
ask for their blessing
you marrying her is YOUR choice...not theirs....though it is wise to value their approval. though your love for that woman should not be based off of what their parents think of you  

[amk1998]

Two people God puts together should not be separated by any man or woman, however their being her parents makes their approval at least a little important. However it ultimately all comes down to whether YOU love her and whether YOU are confident you two will have a good future together in God. If you are, if they say yes, all the better. If they say no, go ahead anyway, unless of course she doesn't want to. biggrin
May God be with you and good luck.  

[kesuke uchiha]

yes...listen to us ninjas....we know best about marriage and relationships ^w^  

[amk1998]

kesuke uchiha

yes...listen to us ninjas....we know best about marriage and relationships ^w^

Agreed smile