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i r i d e s s i c a n c e
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 Posted: Sun Jun 30, 2013 11:48 am
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I don't mean last name, not until I get married at least. But is it right?
I want to change my first and middle name for several reasons:
1.) I've always been raised as spoiled, sheltered, and delicate. Many things I wanted to do myself I want allowed to do, people didn't think I could do, or it wasn't female appropriate. I never had went to church with my family because they didn't go. They said they worshipped God from home and if I had questions then to ask them. That led to a life of chaos religious wise and as of recently I found more in depth my confusion and all has left me borderline satanist when this whole time I thought I was getting closer to God. Man, I was so wrong, but after all the influences I went through and many churches I tried with friends on occasion led to it. My life has been a mess. I'm a delicate, sheltered mess. I can't even debate with my parents or have a real conversation with advice inf front of them without crying they were overbearing. To the point in my education if I made a "b" I needed to try harder. If I got a "c" or lower I was punished. If I made an "a" or "a-b" honor roll I have to try again. No praise for it since I was 9 years old. It was just routine from them.
So its NOT out of trying to rid myself from family finding me. Its NOT out of spite.
2.) Social wise, I was always bullied and made fun of. A lot of people can't even say my name so they call me Alex. Strangers or people who know my name for hears. No offence to any Alex's out there, but I despise that name. Its to male of a name to me personally. To be called that by strangers is most annoying of a nickname for me. I want a feminine name that people can say and know that they can't give me a male nickname for.
3.) I was sexually assaulted 3 times in my life. One of the times is still a part of my life indirectly and I don't want to be recognized. And if I am, like my name I want to be detached from my past. I'm still me and will have those memories, but I find confidence in a new name.
Now, I have had people tell me my name is pretty, and it is, but I need change. I want a new name for the reasons above. I want independence and to begin a life for me.
This year has brought so much good change. Right now I've got a church in mind to try and I'm excited to finally be able to attend a congregation of people who can understand me. I want to look back and say, "hey, that's me. I earned this. Its all me and I'm happy".
The name I was thinking of is a name my parents wanted to call me until last minute they changed it to my current name. So first name is decided. The name I chose so far is...........Alana Eve (ah/uh-la-nuh). First name Alana and middle name Eve. Why I chose Eve, besides that it sounds good together, I chose it for a couple reasons. One, I love the pokemon eevee. Its symbolic to me that this one pokemon can choose any path it wants. Like me being sheltered and small and delicate, whatever it has in store for the future its bigger and stronger and the future is bright. Another reason for middle name being Eve is because Eve is the dawning before a new day. Like the eve of a holiday. To me its a reminder of how far I've came and how far I have to go to get to where I want. The obstacles may be hard, but it is worth it in the end.
Is it wrong to change your name? I do recall hearing in the bible that God changed Abram's name to Abraham and he followed God.
I feel its right but I wanted advice and opinions. I appreciate it. God bless you all.
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Posted: Sun Jun 30, 2013 1:13 pm
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i r i d e s s i c a n c e
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Posted: Sun Jun 30, 2013 1:34 pm
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Rednal If you want to, there's nothing stopping you. I mean, most people would probably object if you were trying to avoid legal punishment by going into hiding or something, but if you really feel like it's something you want to do, then there's certainly nothing stopping you. People change names (and get new ones) all the time, and it's nothing especially remarkable. ^^ And hey, if you don't like it after all, you can always change it back. I'd say go for it.
XD Definitely don't have to escape any legal problems. Its just trying to live a better life, self esteem/confidence, independence, and of course obvious social reasons. If I did have any legal problems I would first get them taken care of first and foremost.
I'm only worried on how my parents will take it. I first have to become independent in everything and then before I get married change my first and middle name. Then, will change my last name once I'm married. I feel my parents will only let me do this once I'm independent. If I did this now they would laugh and discourage the idea. Plus, this would give me plenty of time to let the name grow on me, figure the exact cost and process of it, and go for it once I get a job and income once I graduate college. If I could change it now, I would. But I can't until I have the security of independence. If I went on welfare I would be able to with the independence part. Until then, its a waiting game.
My friends mom is letting my friend change her name because her father is abusive, mostly in jails and getting involved with drugs. Her reason is to prevent her dad from finding her. Her parents got divorced months ago and its her birthday gift. She has a good reason though. I'm just nervous about my reason because i don't know how people would take it. My happiness comes first, but I don't know if me changing my name for my reasons is disrespecting my parents. I will be 21 in a month so legally I can do whatever and am old enough to make my decisions. I just didn't know if religious wise and all the other stuff if it was right or not. |
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Posted: Sun Jun 30, 2013 1:42 pm
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The Bible says to honor your Mother and Father... it also says to avoid provoking and angering children, and instead to bring them up according to the discipline of the Lord (which, in short, means "Be a decent person"). You should always respect your parents... but you should also respect yourself and be willing to make your own decisions. You should not allow your parents to control every aspect of your life for your whole future, and I wouldn't say that changing your name is disrespectful to them unless you're actively doing it to spite them.
^^
You sound like you've thought it through and have a pretty good plan overall, though, which is definitely good. But yeah, just keep it by your heart until you're ready to go through with it and I think you'll be fine.
Do be firm once you actually do it, though. It's your life, your decision, and your happiness that's the issue here.
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i r i d e s s i c a n c e
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Posted: Mon Jul 01, 2013 9:34 am
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Rednal The Bible says to honor your Mother and Father... it also says to avoid provoking and angering children, and instead to bring them up according to the discipline of the Lord (which, in short, means "Be a decent person"). You should always respect your parents... but you should also respect yourself and be willing to make your own decisions. You should not allow your parents to control every aspect of your life for your whole future, and I wouldn't say that changing your name is disrespectful to them unless you're actively doing it to spite them. ^^ You sound like you've thought it through and have a pretty good plan overall, though, which is definitely good. But yeah, just keep it by your heart until you're ready to go through with it and I think you'll be fine. Do be firm once you actually do it, though. It's your life, your decision, and your happiness that's the issue here.
I do respect them. They have been a big help. Between my sister and I, I'm the more family involved child with a lot of family stuff on my shoulders for the future. Its just I'm sure I will be asked why I wanted to change it because I don't want to offend them. I just want the personal happiness. I don't care if they call me by my real name at all. Its just the new name is for me and the general public. I'm happy with the choice. I just want to have the same respect for it when I go through with it. Mom and dad are going through nest egg syndrome and dad actually told me he was transitioning because after years raising me as a child he has to get used to treating me like an equal adult. Mom on the other hand is having a worse time with it. I look a lot like her appearance wise than dad and she treats me like mommys little girl since she and my sister could never connect, so she treats me like a child still yet with a couple adult perks. And she's also going through menopause so her attitude and mood are reflected through that as well. Its just trying to get through to them both is hard to guage. Dad may be sad inside and take offence. Mom may take offence too because the name I have they chose for me. Its special to them. I guess that's why I worry and have guilt about doing it. I will still stand firm on my decision to change it, but I just want them to be happy and accepting of it for me. In time they would, but not anytime soon after I told them. Its just me telling them I want to change my name is like a gay guy coming out to his parents that he isn't straight, or a child coming out to seriously racist parents that they are dating someone of a race the parents didn't approve of. Its a big life change. |
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Posted: Mon Jul 01, 2013 9:53 am
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Posted: Mon Jul 01, 2013 2:02 pm
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Posted: Mon Jul 01, 2013 2:37 pm
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Posted: Mon Jul 01, 2013 4:34 pm
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Posted: Thu Aug 08, 2013 1:21 am
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I don't think it's wrong to change your name, and it's still possible to do so while honoring your parents. You have a perfectly good reason to do so, and you've given the idea a lot of thought and respect.
When you think about it, Jesus changed Simeon's name to Peter/Petra/Kepha/Cephas (not entirely sure what the original language was), and I'm sure he didn't mean any disrespect to Simeon by doing it. It was a thoughtful name, and it had a meaning behind it, by basically referring to him as a rock/boulder.
People's souls go through a change when they're baptized by the Holy Spirit and when they come to God, right? In a way, that's like leaving your old life behind. So if anything, a new name would be quite fitting. :]
So I guess if you choose a new name for yourself, my advice would be to pick something that you think has value or meaning to it. I'm sure you'll give it lots of thought and pick the right one.
Here's a site that lists pretty much every first name ever, in a wide selection of languages, AND the word etymology and meaning of the names:
http://www.behindthename.com/
With so many names and meanings, I'm sure you'll find just the perfect one. Good luck with it!
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Posted: Thu Aug 08, 2013 1:30 am
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emorhconom esor Wouldn't changing your name be more of running away from the problem then stand up to it? Also it's not as bad as being named after a car like I am.
I'm guessing... Mercedes? Haha no I'm kidding, I have no idea.
Also, some problems can't be fixed, no matter how hard you try. You can only control your own actions, but you can't control how other people act. And if other people don't want to cooperate, then there's nothing that can be done. After all, Jesus didn't waste too much time trying to preach to the Pharisees; he perceived that they were just out to try and make him stumble, and weren't actually interested in what he had to say on a spiritual level.
In the same way, some people just cannot be reasoned with, no matter how hard you try. You can call it "running away", or even "giving up", but that's the truth. I think it's better to pick your battles wisely and move on if there's nothing more you can do, instead of wasting time trying to solve things that have happened long ago. The issues that the OP faces are best left behind, so that she can move on and start things anew. There's so much more that she can do with her life rather than trying to reconcile with things that are out of her control.
I, for one, commend her for making the difficult choice to take control of what she can to make her life better: her name. |
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Posted: Thu Aug 08, 2013 1:41 am
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Posted: Thu Aug 08, 2013 2:00 pm
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Posted: Fri Aug 09, 2013 10:33 pm
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emorhconom esor Blaise-Ingram emorhconom esor Wouldn't changing your name be more of running away from the problem then stand up to it? Also it's not as bad as being named after a car like I am. Also I'd probably refrain from making comparisons here by saying someone's issue isn't as bad, as you guys are in completely different situations, with different reasons. :] That's an assumption on your part given the fact that I was sexually assaulted myself by a bunch of bullies and I help younger girls that have been assaulted. For her to change her name won't make things better, instead it's a way to hide. Also, how do you know if she won't take what we say to heart since she asked for advice? You aren't her. That last was meant to be a joke btw.
Fair enough, I made a wrong assumption, and I apologize for that. But neither of us are her, and while your situation may be similar, it's still not exactly the same, as there are a lot of other factors that come into play.
I guess I was initially offended at your comment because I didn't see the joke as being appropriate for the seriousness of the topic, and then there wasn't even any elaboration or explanation or offering of advice outside of asking a question. But you're right, I'm not her. She might react differently.
Lastly, I don't see anything wrong with hiding. And I don't see how it won't make things better. If you could explain why, I think that would be helpful. |
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Posted: Mon Aug 12, 2013 1:01 pm
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Blaise-Ingram emorhconom esor Blaise-Ingram emorhconom esor Wouldn't changing your name be more of running away from the problem then stand up to it? Also it's not as bad as being named after a car like I am. Also I'd probably refrain from making comparisons here by saying someone's issue isn't as bad, as you guys are in completely different situations, with different reasons. :] That's an assumption on your part given the fact that I was sexually assaulted myself by a bunch of bullies and I help younger girls that have been assaulted. For her to change her name won't make things better, instead it's a way to hide. Also, how do you know if she won't take what we say to heart since she asked for advice? You aren't her. That last was meant to be a joke btw. Fair enough, I made a wrong assumption, and I apologize for that. But neither of us are her, and while your situation may be similar, it's still not exactly the same, as there are a lot of other factors that come into play. I guess I was initially offended at your comment because I didn't see the joke as being appropriate for the seriousness of the topic, and then there wasn't even any elaboration or explanation or offering of advice outside of asking a question. But you're right, I'm not her. She might react differently. Lastly, I don't see anything wrong with hiding. And I don't see how it won't make things better. If you could explain why, I think that would be helpful.
From my experience, when someone hides from that sort of problem they don't get the help they need because they won't face the problem. Thus making it impossible to move past different stages. They have a higher chance of diving into horrible things to help them hide such as drugs, alcohol, ect. Being a victim of a sexual assault she is more likely to try to find acceptance in the wrong places if she doesn't get help. Even those that do get help can still have a problem with porn and whatnot. I don't know why because I'm not a professional, it's just a pattern that I've noticed. When one hides from it they focus too much on the pain it causes them instead of using it to help others. It hurts each time when helping other's but it actually helps you as well.
What I do is I help them spiritually to show them their self-image and self-esteem doesn't come from what other's think but what God thinks. I give the girls someone to talk to. I give them advice based on what I've been through spiritually. I help them draw lines before a relationship to get them ready and to keep those boundaries when they are in a relationship. It's seriously a God thing because my first girl that I started with is blowing my mind with how well she's doing.God's used what happened to me as a testimony to bring other's to Christ. Through that He's showing my girls how to use theirs to help other's. How can a person give over their problems to God so He can use it to His glory when they are too busy running from it?
"I'm the victim. It's something that happened to me but I will not let it define me." |
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