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 Posted: Wed May 22, 2013 6:58 am
Why Do Men Keep Putting Me in the Girlfriend-Zone?
May 17, 2013
"You know how it is, right, ladies? You know a guy for a while. You hang out with him. You do fun things with him—play video games, watch movies, go hiking, go to concerts. You invite him to your parties. You listen to his problems. You do all this because you think he wants to be your friend.
But then, then comes the fateful moment where you find out that all this time, he’s only seen you as a potential girlfriend. And then if you turn him down, he may never speak to you again. This has happened to me time after time: I hit it off with a guy, and, for all that I’ve been burned in the past, I start to think that this one might actually care about me as a person. And then he asks me on a date.
I tell him how much I enjoy his company, how much I value his friendship. I tell him that I really want to be his friend and to continue hanging out with him and talking about our favorite books or exploring new restaurants or making fun of avant-garde theatre productions. But he rejects me. He doesn’t answer my calls or e-mails; if we’d been making plans to do something before this fateful incident, these plans mysteriously fail to materialize. (This is why I never did get around to seeing the Hunger Games movie. Not to name any names, but thanks a lot, Tom.) Later, when I run into him at social events, our conversations are awkward and lukewarm. This is because the moment we met, he put me in the girlfriend-zone, and now he can’t see me as friend material.
I must say that I find this really unfair. I mean, I’m a nice girl. I have a lot to offer as a friend, like not being a douchebag and stuff. But males just don’t want to be friends with nice girls like me. They can’t help it, I guess; it’s just how they’re wired, biologically. Evolution conditioned our male hominid ancestors to seek nice girls as mates and form friendship bonds only with the other dudes that they hunted mammoths with. It’s true—I know this because I studied hominids in my fifth-grade science class.
So what’s the answer? Should I take up mammoth-hunting in an attempt to appeal to the friendship centers of men’s primal lizardbrains? Should I keep making guy “friends” and then prevent them from making a move on me by subtly undermining their self-confidence? Should I just give up on those manipulative, game-playing, two-faced bastards once and for all? I don’t know. I mean, I’d really like to have a true friendship with a guy someday, but it’s so hard to trust and respect them when they never say what they mean—and you never know when you might be relegated to the girlfriend-zone."
http://literaryreference.tumblr.com/post/50677204942/why-do-men-keep-putting-me-in-the-girlfriend-zone
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Posted: Wed Jan 21, 2015 11:02 am
Just some guys don't know the true meaning of friends honestly. They only want to set that girlfriend zone on you so that if you wanted to get close to them, you would have to be their girlfriend but the fact is you shouldn't have to put up with that. The way i am is that even if a relationship goes bad, i don't let it collide with the friendship because friendship and relationship are two different statuses. Never get them mixed up with one another and there is some women out there that are like this as well no offense because i have been boyfriend zoned before.
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Posted: Wed Jan 21, 2015 12:53 pm
and here I thought the friend zone was bad. I'll admit it. Most guys are only interested in female friends as potential partners. Those who don't have that thought process (such as myself) are constantly urged to have that thought process by their peers. A majority of males are controlled by their desire to mate and show off. Nice girls are appealing to some because they don't cause a lot of drama. However when rejecting a guy to stay friends they get down about it as well. This is known to us as "the friend zone" and few ever leave this zone. With such a helpless prospect most guys will move on. Now sure there are girls I'll fall for and want to go out with, but this progression for me normally comes after an amount of time for me to get to know them. Though I am an abnormality from most guys as made clear by every other male I have encountered in my life who is able to date. So what to do? Sadly if there was a right answer for that then maybe all my friends wouldn't of gotten depressed so many times. The friend zone hurts just as much as the girl friend zone. I have plenty of female friends who I'm not attracted and I've never hunted for a girl friend so I cant say I understand completely goes through their mind. So take what I've taken with a grain of salt because I have very little experience with love.
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Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2015 8:43 am
When a person says they are "in the friend zone," it means that they are interested in someone in a romantic or sexual way but that person is only interested in them in a friendly way. Now, there's nothing wrong with being into someone who's not into you, and there's nothing wrong with not being into someone is into you.
But a lot of people will complain about being friend zoned, almost as if other people don't have the right to turn them down as romantic partners. They'll say things like, "I'm a nice guy, why should I be friend zoned?" As if being nice means that women are required to like them in a sexual or romantic way. They'll complain about it in such a way that you can tell that they were literally only being nice to a girl because they thought they had a chance at dating her or sleeping with her. And when they find out that that isn't going to happen, they often get aggressive about it, sometimes even calling the woman names, usually while proclaiming that they're such a nice guy that they therefore deserve a romantic relationship/sex. They often stop being friends with the girl, even if she genuinely enjoyed his company and wanted to be friends. Because he figures if there's no sex, it's not worth his time. There have even been a few shootings in the news lately where the men involved said that they specifically targeted women because not enough women wanted them. And that kind of stuff is a problem.
This blog was written as sort of a parody of that. It points out that if a woman isn't interested in dating or sleeping with a guy, no matter how nice he might think he is, it doesn't mean the woman is a b***h or a tease. It points out that if a guy is willing to ditch a good friend because she doesn't want to sleep with him, then maybe a lot of these "nice" guys are not really as nice as they think they are. It points out that it can be really hurtful to women to find out that a guy was only being nice to them and pretending to be their friend in an effort to get sex.
So there's nothing wrong with liking someone who's not into you. There's nothing wrong with being sad about it. There's nothing wrong with not liking someone who is into you. And there's nothing wrong with trying out friendship before you ask a girl out. But it is sketchy to pretend to be someone's good friend when all the while you don't actually want anything to do with them unless you can sleep with them. And it is sketchy to act like women have to like you or sleep with you because you think you're so "nice" to them. And it is sketchy to act like the woman is at fault for not liking you the same way that you like her. So a lot of women roll their eyes now when a guy says that he was "friend zoned." It makes them feel like the guys sees women as vending machines that he can put "nice" into until sex comes out.
(I talked about the issue using men and women as the examples because it usually involves a man complaining "being friend zoned" by a woman. But obviously not every guy is a fake friend just looking for sex. And the issue of someone pretending to be a good friend just to get sex certainly can involve a woman complaining about being "friend zoned" by a guy. Or it can involve two guys. Or two girls. Or a guy and someone outside the gender binary. Or a girl and someone outside the gender binary. Etc.)
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Posted: Sat Feb 21, 2015 9:03 pm
I have been quite guilty of this but I wanna share my view points. Its hard as sh!t to find a woman that will date you these days (I bet women have a hard time as well) so it makes men more desperate than ever. Which is one reason why men do that also sometimes men will also get mix up feelings of strong friendship with love. So they think the girl is in love with them and after they find out shes not you feel stupid as hell and to embraced to ever talk to her again. Also its hard as hell to get friend zoned for a man its never fun you almost never get out of that zone. You even die a bit inside when it happens depending how much you were in love with her (even worse if you did date her I know personally). Its also much easier to make friends and after awhile of just making friendships over, over,over and over. The man just lets his feelings all out and go nuts for a bit. It might be easy to make friends but most friendships don't last at all.
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Posted: Mon Feb 23, 2015 1:49 am
gaogaigar777 I have been quite guilty of this but I wanna share my view points. Its hard as sh!t to find a woman that will date you these days (I bet women have a hard time as well) so it makes men more desperate than ever. Which is one reason why men do that also sometimes men will also get mix up feelings of strong friendship with love. So they think the girl is in love with them and after they find out shes not you feel stupid as hell and to embraced to ever talk to her again. Also its hard as hell to get friend zoned for a man its never fun you almost never get out of that zone. You even die a bit inside when it happens depending how much you were in love with her (even worse if you did date her I know personally). Its also much easier to make friends and after awhile of just making friendships over, over,over and over. The man just lets his feelings all out and go nuts for a bit. It might be easy to make friends but most friendships don't last at all. thx for putting in clear words what I couldn't manage to. wanted to say something like this along with my previous post, but could figure out how.
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