|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Tue Mar 05, 2013 11:59 am
Help: My Daughter is Seven. And I Found This in Her Room
Amy Cheney
5 March 2013
(click the link at the bottom to see the picture)
"I found this today in my daughter’s room. My daughter is seven. It was innocently sitting on the floor amongst the Polly Pockets, friendship bracelets and a variety of other crap seven-year-old’s love to horde.
Diyet. Jesus.
Where did she learn the word diet? How does she even know what a freaking diet is?
Whose fault is this? Is it mine because I let her play with Barbies? Because sometimes she’s allowed to watch Total Drama Action? Is it because when I draw with her I can only draw stick figures?
Seventeen Poosh-ups two times a day.
I felt sick. Physically ill. Like someone had knocked the air from my chest.
I could feel myself getting increasingly anxious the more words I was able to interpret from her seven-year-old spelling.
Three Appals, One Per, Two Keewee Froots.
How did this happen?
I am smart about this stuff. I have a degree in early childhood studies. Our family focuses on and promotes healthy eating and healthy bodies. Our attitudes are reasonable and balanced. Weight has never been an issue in our home – it is, for the most part, irrelevant.
I have never stood before my husband and queried ‘does my arse look big in this’. Ever.
Rid my bike three time a day.
And then I got angry. Really, really angry.
F*ck you society. F*ck you and your and stupid obsession with women and the way they look.
How dare you sneak into my home with your ridiculous standards and embed them in my little girls head, polluting her innocence with your pathetic ideals.
Jog/run up and down the driv way three times.
Your unrealistic expectations will not win in my house.
I am tired of the beauty and body obsessed arena we live in. I am tired of women being portrayed as objects to be saluted and admired or shunned and shamed depending on whether they measure up to societies idealistic standards. I am tired of the conformist attitudes. And then, because I was so tired (and sad, so sad) that I cried.
When Miss Seven arrived home from school I talked to her about her diet note.
Turns out she learned about diets from one of her seven-year-old friends who was on one.
So together we chatted about diets and beautiful healthy bodies and the gift that they are.
I am not naive. I know this will not be the last time I talk about food and weight and bodies with my daughter. I am just ultra pissed that it had to start when she was seven."
http://www.mamamia.com.au/parenting/i-found-this-today-on-my-daughters-floor-my-daughter-is-seven/
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Mar 05, 2013 11:47 pm
Seven years old and can't spell basic words...hm...
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
i r i d e s s i c a n c e
|
Posted: Wed Mar 06, 2013 4:51 am
Well, in a way it's better to prepare a child (in some cases) about harmless things up front. By harmless I mean, maybe it wasn't completely about weight. Heck, when I was 7 my parents talked to the school because my teacher was going to hold me back just for holding my pencil the wrong way in the right hand. In this society, things are inevitable. You might as well prepare her for what she's up against for things like that. For instance, in a couple years (most elementary schools) teach sex ed in 4th grade. Just as an example. Basics or not, as a child if she's curious and innocent you can't restrict her from everything. Yes, she's your child and young right now, but you can't shelter her from everything. My parents tried doing that from me and I'm going to be 21 soon and people treat me odd because I'm the last one to know about things. For me, I respected what my parents did, but growing up like a porcelain trophy just made me want to rebel against my parents more. Not to mention you might as well tell her things while she's young enough to want to tell you about things and wanting to listen. Unless she's naturally open that is, then you don't have to worry. But, I'm speaking about the average child in general. I may not have kids right now, but I know from childhood even though I wouldn't change how things went, sometimes curiousity killed the cat and parents should have told me about certain things. My parents even took me out of sex ed when I was in middle school and high school and you know what happened? I've been sexually attacked 3 times in my life not knowing how to handle it. Now, I'm uncomfortable with most intimate things anymore and have a fear of intimacy not from the experience, from the lack of knowledge that could have helped in those events. Sometimes, knowledge comes in handy. At that time, it could have been handy and helped me out.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Mar 06, 2013 7:29 am
Nadira Seven years old and can't spell basic words...hm... Maybe she's dyslexic. Maybe she's learning disabled. Maybe she's just not a good speller (I wasn't when I was a kid). We don't know. And it doesn't really matter. I posted this so that we could talk about kids and healthy body image, not so that we could make fun of a seven year old's spelling. If I had a seven year old girl and found that in her room, I would be pretty upset too. The way society views women is pretty warped. And knowing that even prepubescent girls aren't immune to it and are trying to look "thin" and "sexy," even at the expense of being healthy, is kind of horrifying. But the girl said she heard about diets from her friend. I am wondering if her friend is unhealthy and actually needs to eat better and exercise more? Maybe her friend innocently mentioned eating more fruit and riding her bike often to be healthier and the girl just sort of ran with it? In other words, maybe it wasn't actually just about looks for her friend? If it was about looks though, then I sure hope someone had a talk with her too...
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Mar 06, 2013 11:10 am
It's not so much that the parents are trying to shield her from the world it's that . . . well, why do most people go on diets? Because they think they're too fat.
If a seven-year-old thinks she's too fat and is surrounded by all these media messages confirming that fact then she's a lot more likely to end up developing some kind of eating disorder, and her body's nowhere near finished growing yet.
I think children should be shown these media messages, but in the context of how untrue they are - they should get those magazine covers where they've done the 'before' and 'after' photoshopped and explain how the people before are still beautiful and different.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Mar 06, 2013 11:25 am
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Mar 07, 2013 1:49 am
LorienLlewellyn Nadira Seven years old and can't spell basic words...hm... Maybe she's dyslexic. Maybe she's learning disabled. Maybe she's just not a good speller (I wasn't when I was a kid). We don't know. And it doesn't really matter. I posted this so that we could talk about kids and healthy body image, not so that we could make fun of a seven year old's spelling. If I had a seven year old girl and found that in her room, I would be pretty upset too. The way society views women is pretty warped. And knowing that even prepubescent girls aren't immune to it and are trying to look "thin" and "sexy," even at the expense of being healthy, is kind of horrifying. But the girl said she heard about diets from her friend. I am wondering if her friend is unhealthy and actually needs to eat better and exercise more? Maybe her friend innocently mentioned eating more fruit and riding her bike often to be healthier and the girl just sort of ran with it? In other words, maybe it wasn't actually just about looks for her friend? If it was about looks though, then I sure hope someone had a talk with her too... Yeah, yeah. I was in one of those moods. Regardless of dyslexia or terrible speller....as I am both, it just made me wonder.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Mar 07, 2013 1:52 am
Voldeturtle It's not so much that the parents are trying to shield her from the world it's that . . . well, why do most people go on diets? Because they think they're too fat. If a seven-year-old thinks she's too fat and is surrounded by all these media messages confirming that fact then she's a lot more likely to end up developing some kind of eating disorder, and her body's nowhere near finished growing yet. I think children should be shown these media messages, but in the context of how untrue they are - they should get those magazine covers where they've done the 'before' and 'after' photoshopped and explain how the people before are still beautiful and different. Perhaps some EDs begin this way... It's the whole "thinspiration" idea. I just hope that the mom put her child into therapy to explore this. Maybe the mom should also get into therapy, too. It may help with the family dynamic.. Anyways...
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Mar 08, 2013 4:05 pm
Nadira Voldeturtle It's not so much that the parents are trying to shield her from the world it's that . . . well, why do most people go on diets? Because they think they're too fat. If a seven-year-old thinks she's too fat and is surrounded by all these media messages confirming that fact then she's a lot more likely to end up developing some kind of eating disorder, and her body's nowhere near finished growing yet. I think children should be shown these media messages, but in the context of how untrue they are - they should get those magazine covers where they've done the 'before' and 'after' photoshopped and explain how the people before are still beautiful and different. Perhaps some EDs begin this way... It's the whole "thinspiration" idea. I just hope that the mom put her child into therapy to explore this. Maybe the mom should also get into therapy, too. It may help with the family dynamic.. Anyways... I don't think the child needs to be put into therapy that early, because at that age opinions can change very fast, especially if you replace whatever role models she has with healthier, more achievable ones, like her mum. For example, I don't like the fact that she does this because I'd prefer to be free to be a bit of an idiot, but my sister copies everything that I do, regardless of the reasoning behind it. She started dressing like I do, she reads the same books I do, she tried to get her hair cut the same way as me . . . so I know that I have to set a good example to her because she's young enough that she sees whatever I do as the right thing. Therapy is not the be-all end-all quick fix solution, the mum should try working this out for herself before giving up and handing it over to a therapist. That could give the child the impression that she definitely has something wrong with her because she's had to go through that.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Mar 08, 2013 4:57 pm
I agree, Volde.
At 7, kids don't usually know much about health. Even if you explain health to them they usually don't care because most people feel sort of invincible until they get a bit older. And they can be really quick to just do what other people are doing.
When I was in middle school I remember people talking about things that you were "supposed" to do or that "everyone" was doing, so I thought I was weird for not doing them. Then, of course, I found out that you don't have to do those things and not everyone actually does those things. So it's possible her friend said something like, "I am on a diet because that's what girls are supposed to do," and she just didn't know better and was like, "Oh, shoot, I better get on that then."
And really, it's not even unique to little kids. Look how many grown women wear makeup, or high heels, or shave their pegs, not because they truly want to, but because they feel they have to.
So I don't think it means that the girl needs therapy, that the mom needs therapy, or that the friend needs therapy. I think it was just a case of two kids not really knowing what they were talking about. I think the mom did a good job of sitting the girl down and explaining things to her. And I'm glad she shared her experience because maybe some moms will be more careful about talking about diets, and weight, and whatnot in front of their kids and maybe some moms will explain healthy weights, and photoshop, and unrealistic beauty expectations with their kids while they're kids are still young now that they've seen just how early they can be influenced by those things.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Mar 14, 2013 12:12 am
Voldeturtle Nadira Voldeturtle It's not so much that the parents are trying to shield her from the world it's that . . . well, why do most people go on diets? Because they think they're too fat. If a seven-year-old thinks she's too fat and is surrounded by all these media messages confirming that fact then she's a lot more likely to end up developing some kind of eating disorder, and her body's nowhere near finished growing yet. I think children should be shown these media messages, but in the context of how untrue they are - they should get those magazine covers where they've done the 'before' and 'after' photoshopped and explain how the people before are still beautiful and different. Perhaps some EDs begin this way... It's the whole "thinspiration" idea. I just hope that the mom put her child into therapy to explore this. Maybe the mom should also get into therapy, too. It may help with the family dynamic.. Anyways... I don't think the child needs to be put into therapy that early, because at that age opinions can change very fast, especially if you replace whatever role models she has with healthier, more achievable ones, like her mum. For example, I don't like the fact that she does this because I'd prefer to be free to be a bit of an idiot, but my sister copies everything that I do, regardless of the reasoning behind it. She started dressing like I do, she reads the same books I do, she tried to get her hair cut the same way as me . . . so I know that I have to set a good example to her because she's young enough that she sees whatever I do as the right thing. Therapy is not the be-all end-all quick fix solution, the mum should try working this out for herself before giving up and handing it over to a therapist. That could give the child the impression that she definitely has something wrong with her because she's had to go through that. No one is too young for therapy (or too old for that matter). A therapist evaluating the situation through, say, play therapy, can see if there is really a "problem" surfacing or not. The therapist can decide whether the child was mimicking others in the playground or actually comprehending what was going on. Having the daughter seeing a therapist isn't such a bad idea. Just to see if there is something going on. If there isn't any thing going on, then the therapy will end. However, if there is something going on, then the therapist and the mother can decide what steps to take to help ensure that the daughter doesn't go down the road further.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Mar 14, 2013 2:27 pm
Nadira No one is too young for therapy (or too old for that matter). A therapist evaluating the situation through, say, play therapy, can see if there is really a "problem" surfacing or not. The therapist can decide whether the child was mimicking others in the playground or actually comprehending what was going on. Having the daughter seeing a therapist isn't such a bad idea. Just to see if there is something going on. If there isn't any thing going on, then the therapy will end. However, if there is something going on, then the therapist and the mother can decide what steps to take to help ensure that the daughter doesn't go down the road further. I can see your point. However, I still feel that it would be unnecessary. Children's ideas can change very quickly with the right influence, without medical intervention.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Mar 15, 2013 6:05 am
that is so sad...thank freaking goodness you found that before it spiraled out of control. you sound like an amazing mom. =/ wish i grew up like that. i couldn't agree with you more.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Mar 19, 2013 1:23 am
Voldeturtle Nadira No one is too young for therapy (or too old for that matter). A therapist evaluating the situation through, say, play therapy, can see if there is really a "problem" surfacing or not. The therapist can decide whether the child was mimicking others in the playground or actually comprehending what was going on. Having the daughter seeing a therapist isn't such a bad idea. Just to see if there is something going on. If there isn't any thing going on, then the therapy will end. However, if there is something going on, then the therapist and the mother can decide what steps to take to help ensure that the daughter doesn't go down the road further. I can see your point. However, I still feel that it would be unnecessary. Children's ideas can change very quickly with the right influence, without medical intervention. Therapy usually isn't medical. Talk therapy isn't medical. It's only medical when we are discussing psychiatrists. I'm talking about talk-therapy. A Guidance Councilor (IE: Therapist) may not be a bad idea.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
