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 Posted: Tue Nov 20, 2012 12:14 am
So for the past month and a half, school has been extremely busy. I fell behind really fast and really easily because all the courses this semester have thrown so much in my face so quickly. This project, that project, and another project. Plus, a purely online course which I'm terrible at. School and online don't go well for me.
And then at the beginning of the school year I felt like I was completely rejected by my peers. We had a group project for our business class, and I asked Liz to join me in my group. She agreed to it. 10 minutes later, I found out the people in the row sitting with her added her to their group without her knowledge. They eventually told her, and instead of declining, she went with it. All I got was a shrug, an excuse, and a "sorry". It was a slap in the face. I was trying not to cry, and left as soon as I could.
There was another group project, and I tried to ask the people I thought were my friends to join me. I got another no. And for that project, I was stuck with whoever was lacking a partner. I'm not saying that that was a bad thing, just not what I'd been hoping for. But I'm still hurt, because I'd been considering them, and they hadn't considered me.
But I've been isolating myself from them because of the hurt I feel. Whenever class ends, I escape as soon as possible and "hide" in the nearest coffee shop. Between isolating myself, and how far I am behind in school, I've been extremely stressed out. Being behind in school is partially my fault. But it's difficult to find time for homework because when I'm not in school, I'm at work.
I need to tell my parents, because I know they can help me remedy the situation. But it's not particularly encouraging to bring it up when my mom points at my video games and says, "If she didn't play these, she'd be able to get all her work done, AND pick up another shift at work!"
Nor when my tutor makes an offhand comment about future employers not going to take me seriously if I take extra time to complete my diploma.
Stuff like that hurts.
And because of all the stress, I've turned to eating junk. I don't know how much I've gained since I've started. I refuse to look at the scale. I don't know how much I weighed before I began this. But I was overweight to begin with. So I've probably tacked on another 10 or 15 pounds to that overweight.
My boyfriend has been amazing through all of it. I don't know how many times I've ended up in tears in front of him since school began. He's sat there, and hugged me, and rubbed by back as I cried about various things. He's been supportive through all of this.
I hate that I feel this need to eat junk. And I eat out most days because I don't have the energy to pack a lunch beforehand. None of it is helping. I just end up feeling worse about myself and my situation. Before the school year started, and before all of this, even though I had weight, I felt confident. Now I just want to hide.
Tomorrow, my boyfriend is coming over and I'm going to talk to my parents about my situation. I don't think I'll be able to tell them about the weight thing. I'll be too embarrassed/self conscious. I'm going to have to work that out with myself, with my boyfriend's support. But I'm going to get the school thing sorted out. And then maybe the stress will decrease and I'll have time to fix my weight problem.
Sorry for how long it is. Needed to get it out. Because sometimes strangers can be better listeners than the people close to you.
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Posted: Sun Dec 09, 2012 12:20 pm
I am sorry I wasn't on Gaia to reply to this sooner, but I feel like I should lend some support.
I know how that feels. (Not the being isolated on group projects part, but generally feeling abandoned like none or my friends really like me, and running to go hide somewhere where no one can see my pain.) (Actually, my only source of a group of friends DID isolate me quite often even when we weren't doing projects.)
I realize the end of the semester is near, but could we work on incentivizing some tasks?
First, putting junk food into your body is not going to help you feel good. It might be a nice go to, and I do also do this especially when my parents are yelling at me over nothing I'll grab a cookie or (unfortunately) reach for a bottle of alcohol. (I know... I have a problem.) It does not make me feel good later. My stomach hurts and my mind gets hazey. Excess sugar does typically make your mind hazy and also you're not getting the vitamins you need from junk food - this lack of nutrition may be contributing to some of your inability to perform and subsequent stress from school.
Seriously, I started buying those packs of frozen veggies and heating them up in my microwave, eating veggies with some proteins (egg whites, fish, etc.) and something to spice it up (herbs, salsa, pasta sauce) really really helps! Keeps you full and you can use whatever herbs, pasta sauce, or salsa you love! (What makes junk food tasty is fat, salt, and sugar. What makes real food tasty is whatever you love that you decide to put on it.)
Really microwaving some veggies doesn't take long at all. Especially if you live in a dorm and do not have the facilities to cook for yourself, there are plenty of microwave recipies waiting for you and they cook in your microwave while you're studying! Seriously. Improve what you're eating - you will feel less crappy.
I also noticed that throughout I had this form of depression that went back and forth with anxiety. The biased healthfood store people tried to sell me something that was less to help me and more to make a profit, but upon getting a doctor's checkup to see if I had a thyroid problem, we found that my thyroid and electrolytes were fine. However, if you're eating junk, it doesn't hurt to try to get some nutrients. So... I bought Centrum multivitamins for my age group - BOY DID IT WORK! I wasn't hazy anymore, I had energy, I could focus on my schoolwork, etc. Seriously you might be lacking in nutrition and as long as you take the proper dose for your age group, multivitamins can't hurt.
Alright next... Why not try to hide the video games and put them away until you're done with work. I know that in such a stressful and unfun time, it helps to have an escape but it sounds like it's not a productive escape and at the very least, even if you're not playing the games, your parents are still trying to villainize them. I gave my facebook to my friend so she could change the password so I couldn't sign back on for a while. I was escaping my pain and spending WAAAAAY too much time on facebook. It really helped bring down the animosity level in my life. So I go to the library to study, but I really really like books - they're a better escape than facebook! So I kept reading books instead! So I had to quit going to the library. But I save a few books I checked out as a reward for completing my work for the day.
I found a place where I don't even get internet (so I can cut out that distraction) and just sat down and hammered out my homework, and felt so satisfied to finally read some chapters of my books.
And lets be honest here - when you're feeling so shitty and feeling down about yourself you may tell yourself "man I deserve an escape! I deserve to have a little fun right now! I'm going to play just this one game." Even if that's a valid point... you know that you can't really enjoy that game while you're still worried about your projects in the back of your mind. The only thing that'll make you feel free from that fear... is finishing that project! So do it.
I mean even if you're not playing your video games right now... if youR parents are still criticizing you for it... then if you hide your games from yourself, you'll feel confident in knowing that you're not doing anything wrong. And then their criticism can have less of an impact on your self esteem. "Oh if she didn't play those she could probably do her school work!"
"Mom how does that even make sense? I gave my games to Liz until the semester was over so I could avoid playing them. I've been focused on trying to get this work done with all of my free time, I really have. The help I need from you is how to figure out how to manage my time to complete all of these tasks."
Alright, as far as improving your mood goes, because that will help, do you wake up in the morning for school? If so can you try to wake up early? Early enough to shower, brush teeth, etc, even if you can't pack a lunch. (Then again if you're heating up veggies in the microwave, you'll have enough left over to take with you in a tupperware box.) Wake up and take care of your personal hygiene. You'll feel cleaner, you'll feel fresher, and you know what else? You'll feel like you're reserving some time for you - to take care of you and love you. You feel like no one else is being caring to you right now (save for your boyfriend)? Well then only you can make sure that at least you are loving you. Brush those teeth, floss those cracks, cleanse that face, scrub that body, and feel good. When's the last time you did something nice for yourself? (Also I might add to get some exercise. It really will help you feel better, and it will increase oxygen and blood flow to your brain - it can only help you focus more on school, and sleep better when you do go to bed. It doesn't have to be huge. It could be 10 minutes of jumping jacks and push ups in the morning when you wake up. Just something to get the blood pumping. Maybe save those intense P90X workouts for after the semester is over! Now, if you can afford to watch a 2 minute TV commercial, you can afford to do jumping jacks for 2 minutes.)
And for the projects, this can be daunting in the middle of the semester, but we're near the end so I'll tell you some simple methods. Write down the major project. Write down in each project the main points that need to get done. Write down in each main point a bunch of smaller tasks that it takes to complete each main point. Now find out when the big project is due. Set yourself some arbitrary deadlines of when to finish the main points so they will be done and ready before the due date. Hold yourself to these! (If it doesn't work out perfectly, don't berate yourself. Just modify your behavior and figure out a way to still finish. Where there's a will - there's a way!) Now everyday, take out a piece of notebook paper and on every other line, write the hour of the day from when you're awake, to when you wrap up the day. Now block out (color in) the times when you are not free - y'know when you shower, brush teeth, eat lunch, have scheduled work hours. Now on the back or side of this paper write down the stuff you'd like to do today to finish your studying and the aforementioned smaller tasks necessary to complete those main points by the deadlines you set. Don't apply these things to blocks of time! Just look at your makeshift "schedule" and every time you have some hours that aren't blocked out for work/hygiene/chores, sit down and do some of the things on your side bar list. This way, if anything comes up you can always modify your schedule, and you have a graphic representation of what you would like to do. A bullet pointed to-do list is not going to work in college - your life is too dynamic for that. A time management representation of when you can afford to complete your tasks - THAT will help you figure out where to focus and direct your attention better!
So there you have it.
TL;DR: eat better, take care of yourself since you're the only one who can guarantee that, GET RID OF DISTRACTIONS, view your time management in a different and dynamic way that accommodates your hectic lifestyle.
ps. this may also help you sleep a little better. Healthy habits can really help balance those stress hormones that might be running your system ragged and causing excess weight gain.
pps. don't touch the scale/measurement stuff until you're back on the ball with this stuff. First things first - you need to get this semester done, not berate yourself for weight gain. (Especially weight gain that is normal during college - not something you should feel ashamed about. You'll find what works best for your body. But for the sake of your degree, find what works best for your education first!)
ppps. GOOD LUCK! YOU CAN TOTALLY DO THIS! I BELIEVE IN YOU!
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Posted: Mon Dec 10, 2012 8:17 pm
Hi,
Thank you so much for your help. I read your post and I cried. I think I will start implementing some of these suggestions either at the beginning of winter break, or the beginning of the new semester. You've been a big help. smile
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