Poly BDSM

[Esiris]

I was thinking about poly and BDSM, so here are some questions:
Framework:
Are you kinky? Do you actively participate in your area's BDSM community? Are you in kinky relationships? In what kinky ways do you self-identify (switch, top, bottom, dom, sub, master, slave, daddy, little etc)

If it matters in your relationships, how do you identify when it comes to gender, sex, romantic orientation and sexual orientation?

The last question is how does this shape your poly relationships, if at all?  

[Raspberry Flavored Milk]

I don't have much personal experience with poly relationships and what little experience I have was when we were under age and not active in anything BDSM. I think we were looking into some stuff at the time but I don't think it was brought up to my SO's other partner - but I could be wrong. It was a while ago.

I identify as a service submissive with a little side. In non-BDSM terms I usually describe it as a slightly sexed up 50s housewife type role where the big girl panties come off occasionally for worry free child-like play and freedom. I'm in a kinky relationship with power exchange lifestyle focus, but I'm not active in the kinky community due to other things keeping me busy (aka school and figuring out where to live) and because my SO isn't comfortable with me meeting strangers without him and has requested I don't seek out any groups beyond university (there don't seem to be any official groups though). I haven't had a desire to do so and have been rather busy so I've complied with that request.

Because we haven't had a poly relationship since coming of age and being active in a BDSM way it's purely hypothetical how it'll affect our relationships. It is something we will be upfront about when entering relationships - I'm pretty blunt and don't seem to always fall into politically correct... uh... speech (?) which has its pros and cons. Hopefully a pro here is we don't lead someone on only to have them realize the BDSM side of my relationship with my current SO isn't something they can accept even if they're not involved. Because BDSM is part of our lifestyle that will impact any search for a partner that is more than a "friends with benifits" thing - which I don't see really happening but I'm personally not opposed to... I think my SO could be iffy about that. I would want any of our partners, no matter our relationship structure, to be okay with me being submissive to my SO and okay with him being dominant with me. I wouldn't be able to go through with a relationship where I'd have to hide that.
An ideal for us would be some sort of triad with another kinky and submissive female. I have no problems with the hypothetical other partner not being in a romantic relationship with me as long as she's nudist friendly and we get along as friends (I think it could be neat to have a "sub-sister" ) - that's mostly because I do plan to have children and would like her to be involved with the raising of the children if we do fall into a closed relationship or it's a serious she's-moved-in-with-us sort of thing or it appears to be a long term relationship. I'd also like to be involved with the raising of any children she may have if she's comfortable with that. (I talk mostly about the hypothetical partner as being female because my SO is very straight while I'm very not straight and we still have some things to work on with my SO's issues around the possibility of me dating another male or someone who is physically male.)
I've heard of mono-poly relationships working so I don't see why kinky-vanilla relationships wouldn't work as long as the vanilla partner can accept the kinky partner being kinky with their other partner(s) but I do have a hard time imagining having a partner that doesn't understand my enthusiasm for serving Sir or why I'm happy in the D/s side of my relationship with him. But that makes the assumption that someone who is vanilla couldn't understand why such a thing would be pleasurable - there are kinky things that I don't understand how they could be pleasurable on an emotional level (on a logical level I get it but I don't see that as... understanding if that makes sense) so I guess I've assumed as such for others. Just because I can't seem to imagine it doesn't mean I wont be able to experience such a thing though and I think it could be nice to be in such a relationship. [/slight ramble]

So I think the only area it'll affect is the search for another partner - whether it be for me, Sir, or both of us - because it is a part of our every day lives (usually) and as such we would need a partner who is okay with and understanding of such things. Just like with anything else that is a part of me in an every day sort of way. So they'll also have to be comfortable with nudity and not be very clingy all the time (I like my space as does Sir)... and preferably not like tomatos but I can bend on that. (That's a bit of a joke xp ) I also don't think a vegetarian or vegan partner who can't accept me and Sir loving our meat would work out either or someone who just can't seem to pick up after themselves at all. If someone can't accept me being kinky in another relationship it just wont work.


How about you Esiris?
This is something I'd be interested in gaining a better understanding of how in how it works for others since mine is purely hypothetical at this point.  

[Chieftain Twilight]

hello, my name is Twi, and I'm kinky and Poly. xd

ok, had to get that out of my system. you'll see the need for jokes in a sec.

so, lemme break this down a bit...

Are you kinky? Do you actively participate in your area's BDSM community? Are you in kinky relationships? In what kinky ways do you self-identify (switch, top, bottom, dom, sub, master, slave, daddy, little etc)

yes, I have lived the Kink Lifestyle for quite a while now, and in fact, the BDSM community is the only community I realy feel completely included in. I've participated in a range of areas associated with it, but mostly in the Pet/Owner and Light Bondage areas. I'm a Switch who started as a Sub, and I have had two sepperate Mistresses previously, a full 4 years straight of being owned.

however, I'm currently a little out of my element... my current girlfriend is rather... vanilla. she was a virgin before we became an item, and the most we do right now is Daddy/Little play. she's also monogamous, and this has been an issue that we've talked about extensively... because while she refuses to force me into anything, she also can't comprehend how I could love her and anyone else at the same time and can't help feeling like if I'm not interested in her alone that she isn't good enough. it's been hell to work out, and most of the time I'm just trying not to make her feel like she's being a b***h. she blames herself way too often.

so, we're taking things very slow. I don't wanna push her into too much new territory, and for that reason I'm exploring her comfort zone instead. I'm not unsatisfied... but I admit that after being so deeply involved in kink, I'm a bit lost in the alien world of "normal". sweatdrop

If it matters in your relationships, how do you identify when it comes to gender, sex, romantic orientation and sexual orientation?

I'm 3rd Gender Bisexual, and she's Female Bisexual. she may even be Pan, and I know we both are attracted to TG folk and other Gender-Blended types as well, so Bi isn't exactly accurate for either of us...

The last question is how does this shape your poly relationships, if at all?

I realy havn't seen our sexual or romantic orientation effecting our relationship much at all. however, the big difference is that I'm Poly and Kinky, and she's monogamous and a newbie. our relationship is currently close to vanilla, but mostly because she's not ready for much else yet (not that she isn't interested).