Problems with coming out.

[Risen-Rival]

Basically, I have to because then I'll never be single because girls are starting to gross me out. I'm bisexual btw.

1. All my friends will think I'm hitting them when I'm nice to them.
2. People would avoid me because for some reason lesbians are attractive but people think gays are gross.
3. I'm Jewish and it's against the religion.
4. My parents won't like it and my parents friends may think of my parents different for it.

What do I do?

Number 1 is what I'm afraid of most. I can't have that happen.  

[Renkon Root]

I too am bisexual, and Jewish. But I am out and the worst thing that happened was that my mother cried for like a week.

Now, my family is Liberal Reform Jewish, so we're not to strict about following scripture anyway, but after speaking with one of the Rabbi at my family's Synagogue its seems there's some ambiguity with the passage about homosexuality. The Rabbi I spoke too seemed to believe it was wrong within the specific context of rape rather then just the general context of male on male sex. Remember, within that time period, rape was a condonable act between a man and a woman so long as the man agreed to marry the victimized woman after the act. There are some passages where this is even considered "noble" as opposed to just "condonable". However, rape between two men could not become condonable (forget "noble" ) because two men could not marry (more likely for reasons of property and assets rather than anything else -remember back then women were commodities but men were property owners). So, if religion is a significant problem in the way of your coming out, I suggest you find a tolerant Robbi to discus it with before coming out to your family.

But you said you were more concerned about your friends fearing that you might be coming onto them. First, may I ask, how old are your friends?

I ask only because, while this is a valid fear and you have every right to feel it, it seems like a very immature reaction for them to have. If they are truly your friends they should be able to accept you no matter your sexual preference. If they do think that you might be coming onto them, they should have the stones to tell you flat out that they're still your friends but that they don't like you in that way. YOU should also have the stones to make it clear to them that just because you might prefer their gender, that you have no attraction to them specifically (unless you do, in which case I have a different set of advice I could give).

Is your group of friends all male, or are you a mixed group? If you're a mixed group, ask the other guys how they feel about the women in the group. They're all friends, yet do they feel any compulsion to date their female friends? Try to explain it in things they'd understand. Put yourself in their shoes and then try to guide them into yours. I know I already stated this, but if they are truly your friends they won't care what you think about when you're choking the lizard or if you'd rather bang Batman instead of Catwoman (sorry, I'm a DC fan) because that sort of stuff doesn't define a friendship.

As to people avoiding you, let them. They're not the types of people you want to be around anyway.

As to your parents' friends thinking less of your parents because of the partners you choose to have, who the hell gives a ********? You are not your parents and your parents are not you. Are your parents' friends your friends? Why should you care what a bunch of jerks a couple generations removed from you think? Its your life, not theirs.  

[Risen-Rival]

Renkon Root

I too am bisexual, and Jewish. But I am out and the worst thing that happened was that my mother cried for like a week.

Now, my family is Liberal Reform Jewish, so we're not to strict about following scripture anyway, but after speaking with one of the Rabbi at my family's Synagogue its seems there's some ambiguity with the passage about homosexuality. The Rabbi I spoke too seemed to believe it was wrong within the specific context of rape rather then just the general context of male on male sex. Remember, within that time period, rape was a condonable act between a man and a woman so long as the man agreed to marry the victimized woman after the act. There are some passages where this is even considered "noble" as opposed to just "condonable". However, rape between two men could not become condonable (forget "noble" ) because two men could not marry (more likely for reasons of property and assets rather than anything else -remember back then women were commodities but men were property owners). So, if religion is a significant problem in the way of your coming out, I suggest you find a tolerant Robbi to discus it with before coming out to your family.

But you said you were more concerned about your friends fearing that you might be coming onto them. First, may I ask, how old are your friends?

I ask only because, while this is a valid fear and you have every right to feel it, it seems like a very immature reaction for them to have. If they are truly your friends they should be able to accept you no matter your sexual preference. If they do think that you might be coming onto them, they should have the stones to tell you flat out that they're still your friends but that they don't like you in that way. YOU should also have the stones to make it clear to them that just because you might prefer their gender, that you have no attraction to them specifically (unless you do, in which case I have a different set of advice I could give).

Is your group of friends all male, or are you a mixed group? If you're a mixed group, ask the other guys how they feel about the women in the group. They're all friends, yet do they feel any compulsion to date their female friends? Try to explain it in things they'd understand. Put yourself in their shoes and then try to guide them into yours. I know I already stated this, but if they are truly your friends they won't care what you think about when you're choking the lizard or if you'd rather bang Batman instead of Catwoman (sorry, I'm a DC fan) because that sort of stuff doesn't define a friendship.

As to people avoiding you, let them. They're not the types of people you want to be around anyway.

As to your parents' friends thinking less of your parents because of the partners you choose to have, who the hell gives a ********? You are not your parents and your parents are not you. Are your parents' friends your friends? Why should you care what a bunch of jerks a couple generations removed from you think? Its your life, not theirs.

The Jewish thing is nice to know, but I'm never telling my friends. I guess I'll just tell other gay people and that's it.  

[Renkon Root]

Dooksta123

The Jewish thing is nice to know, but I'm never telling my friends. I guess I'll just tell other gay people and that's it.

If that's what you feel is best at this point in your life. I disagree with it, but I don't fully understand your situation.

I wish you the best of luck.  

[Panyrinth]

Dooksta123

Basically, I have to because then I'll never be single because girls are starting to gross me out. I'm bisexual btw.

1. All my friends will think I'm hitting them when I'm nice to them.
2. People would avoid me because for some reason lesbians are attractive but people think gays are gross.
3. I'm Jewish and it's against the religion.
4. My parents won't like it and my parents friends may think of my parents different for it.

What do I do?

Number 1 is what I'm afraid of most. I can't have that happen.

When I came out it was totally obnoxious. I went to prom with a guy and was showing off pictures of the two of us. It was the easiest way I could think of seeing as to how my friends were the jocks/homophobes of the school. So I decided whatever happens happens. My friend Zach probably the one that I thought was the biggest homophobe punched guys for making remotely gay jokes was actually scary cool about it. He sat down kind of looked at me for a second and was like, "So you're gay?" I asked him if he had a problem with it he said, "No it's cool. I mean besides you don't like white guys." (Guy in the picture was white xD) Moral of the story. Your friends are your friends, your family is your family. If they actually care about you they'll accept you.

The religion thing. My family being the melting pot that we are I had to get the Catholic lecture, the Islamic lecture, the Baptist lecture, I even got the whole God intended man to be fruitful lecture from my Jewish best friend. They're just words, and if you truly believe that the God of your religion hates you for something as petty as who you love. Doesn't sound like a very good God to me.