I think I have Depression, HELP!!

[Arkangelstar1]

I think I have depression. This is caused by my father NOT being a christian believer sweatdrop , so he doesn`t give me fatherly love, like JESUS would, (but lately he`s kinda been trying sweatdrop to, THANK GOD 4laugh , because God has been working with him slowly, due to the many prayers of friends and family ) and because ever since I was a little girl I have been rejected by people sad , In school I was bullied, not physically, but emotionally, by some of my classmates. emo I have also been rejected by boys that I have liked, A LOT. I was mocked in school sad . I feel extremely lonely sometimes. In other words I wasn`t one of the most popular girls in school, elementary school, that slowly changed when I reached high school, in high school, people accepted me more. It is like the story of the ugly duckling that becomes a swam. That kinda happened to me sweatdrop when I reached puberty, high school or College. In elementary school I was the nerd of the class or the ugly duckling. crying : The popular girls always got picked as girlfriends by boys, I imagine that I would be the last one to be chosen sad emo , and if all other girls on planet earth ceased to exist or dissappeared, then they might chose me as a possible match. And I know that I am NOT an ugly girl, I am just an extremely shy person. ( If I wasn`t a christian, of if I didn`t have JESUS 3nodding in my heart heart , who knows maybe I might have done it by now. You know what I mean by done it, right? = xp It has crossed my mind a lot, on many occasions to dissappear from existance, but something always stops me, like Angels, JESUS, God, the thought that my family might suffer if I am gone, and the thought that if I cause my own death, my soul will go eternally to Hell or i`ll become a ghost and other evil ghosts or spirits will attack me. I just can`t seem to find a soulmate, the closest that I have come is internet dating sites, internet dating websites or internet relationships. A few months ago, ever since the death of Michael Jackson, I became fanatic, obsessed with him or with his figure. For a while hearing his music videos, songs, etc.. filled my heart with happiness or joy. But then, I started either seeing his ghost in my house, or his families spirits inside my house. I assume that they sometimes are demons that take their shape or form to confuse me or make me feel scared. I started getting scared, since I had written in a lot of MJ forums advice and stuff like that, and I identified myself. I got scared since i am NOT sure what religion his family belongs to, and I don`t know if my messages offended him (if he were alive) or his family. I even pictured myself being redface the daughter of MICHAEL JACKSON in my mind, or pretending mentally to be her, to make myself feel better, to make myself feel better, about myself sweatdrop ( Since she was treated like a little Princess at the memorial service), and I know her father loved her a lot. So since this started happening to me, I stopped listening to his music. Maybe what affected me was that since I have never had a real official boyfriend before, I pretended mentally to believe that MJ and I were soulmates and that in the 1984 grammys, It was supposed to be Mj and me, NOT MJ and Brooke shields, whom sometimes I also envy, other than MJ`s kids. I felt like and sometimes still feel like if my life is in danger, since I started hearing voices inside my own house, apparently of MJs family, who either mocked me, criticized me for being childish etc,.... I really really hope, that most of those voices that I heard, or spirits that I saw were demons. I say this because some people say that witches and people that work with the occult, can sometimes travel in spirit with deep meditation, it is called astral proyection I think. I don`t like going to physchologists because I don`t have a medical plan that can afford such treatment. I saw in Tv what happened to Michael Jackson for trusting a doctor, that`s why I don`t trust phsychologists to give me any type of medication. The only doctor I trust comepletely is JESUSCHRIST of Nazareth. If I have no choice and have to go to the Hospital when I am really sick, i go, because I have No other choice, but if I can get cured naturally, I try that first, to avoid getting some strange medication, since all medications have secondary effects. I try natural remedies first always. I just take natural pills or supplements, that help against depression naturally. In my mind I don`t know why I have been rejected so many times, because I am a good person. I don`t have many friends, only 1 best friend, and the rest are just people I know, or people I add to facebook or friends of my family or my close family. I try reading the Bible, I try going to church, I try christian music, and les Mj music. I also try thinking that there are people on planet earth that have worse problems than me, to make myself feel better. I also try to think like cases of Princess Diana, who didn`t live a fairytale life, even after she married her prince charming, also to make myself feel better. But I can`t help it, any way i put it I feel lonely, even though I know that JESUS Christ is always with me and the Angels, but since I can`t always see them or feel their presences near me, thats why I tend to feel alone. I can`t find a job, this also stresses me out, since my dad thinks I am NOT trying, but I am trying, I just can`t find any job at all sad . Ill try getting a hobbie or exercising, to see if it helps. Most people at my age are already married by now, I must be the exception to the rule, although I knows that God knows why things happen or don`t, that God has a plan. PLEASE HELP ME! PLEASE PRAY FOR ME !

Something strange happened since i got obsessed with MJ, just go here and find out >>

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=efaOo-see00&feature=channel_video_title

I am happy that this happened, because it gives me hope of him being alive heart somehow, somewhere smile , or that in a way, he cared for me, as a friend who cares for his fans smile for me writing such nice messages or advice to him in forums smile 3nodding

I know that Thriller (one of my favorite songs and music videos of Michael smile ) seems scary and evil in a way, but since Michael put that message before the music video, that he doesn`t want to have to do anything with the occult, that confuses me confused Some songs are to give hope and other songs are just scary, I just want to know you`r opinion.

I say this, because I heard a rumor that Michaels money was going away, since he belonged to a strange religion or sect that affected him, or that took financial control over his estate. His family says that he feared getting murdered, and that same fear that he had, sometimes I have felt it also, even though all I wanted was to meet Mj in person when he was alive, or to help him with his skin condition by giving him natural advice or some natural supplements that i know that have cured people 3nodding , but his father scares me ninja , since he was mean to them when they were little. I believed in Michaels innocence in the other trial, the child molestation charges, since he loves little people, and since he likes donating to charities.

Another thing that I would like to ask is if do you believe in Aliens mrgreen ninja , since i have seen some UFO`s in strange places in my country eek sweatdrop , what do you think they are and why? DEMONS IN disguise? according to the Bible, what does the BIBLE say about them ? confused I saw Men in Black, and sometimes I wonder if there are aliens living among us, pretending to be normal people, aliens in disguise. confused confused


P.S. I kinda picture myself as being a heart Princess of Angels or Angel Princess 3nodding , in the books that I wrote mrgreen , in my mind and in Gaia rolleyes , LOL, as you will see in my profile and in my avatar arena gallery rolleyes , to make myself feel better, and as you will see in the book I wrote called: Angel Princess Star. 3nodding