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 Posted: Mon Jul 25, 2011 10:48 am
I didn't see a discussion about this on the first page anywhere. I'm interested in know what sort of relationship rules and guidelines you guys go by. Every relationship has it's basic rules, but I find most poly couples are different. Our relationship is open and poly. Here are the rules we go by--
Before getting into a relationship OR having sex with anyone--
-The obvious, discuss the poly aspect with the prospective and make sure they understand what the rules and expectations would be, as well as how many people are involved.
-Discuss with your partner(s) before adding anyone to the relationship or beginning a new sexual relationship so everyone is on the same page.
-Clean test results need to be viewed by the person entering the sexual relationship. The clinic we go to prints off a sheet for this, if theirs does not. It's absolutely necessary that the results be seen and not just be taken for word.
After starting a relationship or establishing a "friend with benefits"--
-Clean testing needs to continue every three months. Generally, the results still need to be viewed, but in some cases where we've known each other/been involved for years, actually seeing them every time isn't something we're really militant about. If it's less than a year, we generally will still see the results.
-Protection is absolutely necessary, for oral and normal penetrative sex, unless otherwise agreed by all partners. There's no way we'd consider dropping protection for a relationship under a year and a half. We prefer to have known them for over two years before considering dropping protection. Of course, the relationship also needs to be on good terms and we all need to trust the parties involved.
-If there are any major issues in individual relationships, it's necessary to communicate them with your other partners to keep everyone in the loop. Especially if the problems are related to jealousy issues or anything dealing with the nature of our relationships. It's no fun for anyone when drama explodes out of nowhere and most people had no idea the pot was boiling over. It's really just alienating to everyone.
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Posted: Mon Jul 25, 2011 12:22 pm
Mine are pretty similar to yours actually. In brief the two main ones are communication and safer sex practices always. Your expanded information is pretty much what ours are.
I have a few smaller ones when it comes to my personal space though. Such as if Graverg has someone over while I'm home and they get sexual I just don't want to hear it. Or small things like not having sexy time on my pillows and changing the sheets afterward. It depends on the other person and how comfortable I am with them entering my space. *shrugs*
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Posted: Mon Jul 25, 2011 12:30 pm
Mine are pretty much the same- but my bedroom with Annette is ours and ours alone, no one gets to come in. But that's more me keeping personal space personal- I'm used to having all my stuff belong to everyone else and now that I'm an adult- I don't have to do that anymore.
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Posted: Mon Jul 25, 2011 12:41 pm
We're actually pretty open when it comes to our place. I share a bedroom with my husband and one of my boyfriends. We've never had a problem with each other having sex in our bed with others, but none of us are very private and we trust each other not to bring anyone suspect home. Our place is kind of a big crash spot for all our friends, anyway. We don't worry much about personal space, which is lucky, because it would be constantly violated. XD
Some of our partners have similar rules with their own homes, but they're more like their personal house rules.
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Posted: Mon Jul 25, 2011 10:15 pm
Mine are fairly similar. The only time we insist on tests are if it's a completely new person (which is very, very rare for us). I go to my boys if there's someone I'm interested in enough to want to take a step with them. Usually my boys know even before that point. I point out men to them, and women, and they point both out to me, so if someone's caught any of our eyes, we all know. lol
I share my space with my boys, I don't feel completely safe or comfortable unless I have one of them one either side of me. Which makes sleeping hard, since we don't all live together yet. During visits where we're all together though, we all sleep in the same bed. My room is their room. I don't insist on personal space unless I'm REALLY upset or REALLY pissed off.
The boys are a lot more lenient with me than I am with them. I have trust issues, so as much as I know they love me and aren't going anywhere, I need a lot more reassurance when their attention's on someone else in a sexual or relationship type way than they do from me. I lucked out and managed to snag men who are ok with giving me that reassurance. smile
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