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Little Kurayami Vice Captain
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 Posted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 7:40 am
The Eighteen Bottles
I had eighteen bottles of whiskey in my cellar and was told by my
wife to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the sink, or
else... I said I would and proceeded with the unpleasant task. I
withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the
sink with the exception of one glass, which I drank. I then withdrew the
cork from the second bottle and did likewise with it, with the exception
of one glass, which I drank. I then withdrew the cork from the third
bottle and poured the whiskey down the sink which I drank. I pulled the
cork from the fourth bottle down the sink and poured the bottle down the
glass, which I drank. I pulled the bottle from the cork of the next and
drank one sink out of it, and threw the rest down the glass. I pulled the
sink out of the next glass and poured the cork down the bottle. Then I
corked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink and drank the pour.
When I had everything emptied, I steadied the house with one hand, counted
the glasses, corks, bottles, and sinks with the other, which were
twenty-nine, and as the houses came by I counted them again, and finally I
had all the houses in one bottle, which I drank. I'm not under the
affluence of incohol as some thinkle peep I am. I'm not half as thunk as
you might drink. I fool so feelish I don't know who is me, and the
drunker I stand here, the longer I get.
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Posted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 7:41 am
After a long pubcrawl those two guys discuss wether the moon is red or
green. Since they can't come to a conclusion they go searching a cop.
Finally they find one and ask him: "Please, officcccer, could you tell us
if the moon is red or green?"
The cop looks up and asks back: "The left or the right one?"
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Little Kurayami Vice Captain
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Little Kurayami Vice Captain
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Posted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 7:42 am
Hungry Snake
Having arived at the edge of the river, the fisherman soon
realized he had forgotten to bring any bait. Just then he
happened to see a little snake passing by who had caught a
worm. The fisherman snatched up the snake and robbed him
of his worm. Feeling sorry for the little snake with no
lunch, he snatched him up again and poured a little beer
down his throat and went about his fishing.
An hour or so later the fisherman felt a tug at his pantleg.
Looking down, he saw the same snake with three more worms
in his mouth...
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Posted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 7:44 am
A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He
stays until the bar closes at 2am, at which time he is extremely
drunk. When he enters his house, he doesn't want to wake anyone, so
he takes off his shoes and starts tip-toeing up the stairs. Half-way
up the stairs, he falls over backwards and lands flat on his rear
end.
That wouldn't have been so bad, except that he had couple of empty
pint bottles in his back pockets, and they broke, and the broken
glass carved up his buttocks terribly. But, he was so drunk that he
didn't know he was hurt. A few minutes later, as he was undressing,
he noticed blood, so he checked himself out in the mirror, and, sure
enough, his behind was cut up something terrible. Well, he repaired
the damage as best he could under the circumstances, and he went to
bed.
The next morning, his head was hurting, and his rear was hurting,
and he was hunkering under the covers trying to think up some good
story, when his wife came into the bedroom.
"Well, you really tied one on last night," she said. "Where'd you
go?"
"I worked late," he said, "and I stopped off for a couple of beers."
"A couple of beers? That's a laugh," she replied. "You got plastered
last night. Where the heck did you go?"
"What makes you so sure I got drunk last night, anyway?"
"Well," she replied, "my first big clue was when I got up this
morning and found a bunch of band-aids stuck to the mirror."
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Little Kurayami Vice Captain
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Little Kurayami Vice Captain
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Posted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 7:45 am
Two friends were out drinking when suddenly one lurched
backward off his barstool and lay motionless on the floor. "One
thing about Jim," his buddy said to the bartender, "he knows
when to stop."
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Posted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 7:46 am
Late one Friday night the policeman spotted a man driving
very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They pulled
the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that
evening.
"Aye, so I have. 'Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads
stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. And then
there was something called "Happy Hour" and they served these
mar-gar-itos which are quite good. I had four or five o'
those. Then I had to drive me friend Mike home and O' course I
had to go in for a couple of Guiness - couldn't be rude, ye
know. Then I stopped on the way home to get another bottle for
later .." And the man fumbled around in his coat until he
located his bottle of whiskey, which he held up for
inspection.
The officer sighed, and said, "Sir, I'm afraid I'll need you
to step out of the car and take a breathalyzer test."
Indignantly, the man said, "Why? Don't ye believe me?!?"
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Little Kurayami Vice Captain
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Little Kurayami Vice Captain
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Posted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 7:47 am
At 3 am a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy asking
what time the bar opens. "It opens at noon," answers the clerk.
About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even=
drunker. "What time does the bar open?" he asks.
"Same time as before... Noon," replies the clerk.
Another hour passes and he calls again, plastered.
"Whatjoo shay the bar opins at?"
The clerk then answers, "It opens at noon, but if you can't wait, I
can have room service send something up to you."
"No... I don't wanna git in... Ah wanna git OUT!!!"
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Posted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 7:49 am
 What do you say now Ru? blaugh
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Little Kurayami Vice Captain
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Posted: Thu Nov 04, 2010 3:54 pm
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Reply
