My old Girlfriend is pregnant, and still not over me?

[ecopper12]

I need some major help.

I had been her boyfriend for almost a year, and then we broke up and lost contact with each other.

She moved away, and I haven't spoken to her since.

Today, she talked to me over AIM. I talked to her for a little bit, when she changed her status from the number eleven, to the number twelve, and said she was happy about twelve weeks. I asked her what she meant, and she dropped the bomb.

"I'm pregnant." She said.

I had no idea.

Now, the kid isn't mine, but I have a feeling she wants it to be.

Why?

If it's a boy, she going to name it after me. First and middle name exactly.

If it's a girl, it's still going to have my initials.

Lastly, she said she wanted to move back and move closer to me.

I have no idea what to do, so I need some advice.  

[Yaoinaut]

Remember a few things here.

1. You guys broke up for a reason. I don't know what that reason is, but obviously something wasn't clicking.

2. This baby isn't yours. Which means it has a biological father, who may or may not want to be part of the kids life, but even if he doesn't, I don't think he's going to want to find out it was named after an ex.

3. The name thing. It isn't really endearing so much as kinda desperate. This ex is essentially using her pregnant status to show how much she misses you, by saying she'll name the kid who isn't yours, after you. Think about the complex this kid might have when they grow up, finding out they were a ploy for mummy to get her ex-boyfriend back.

My advice, cut contact completely or least keep it too a minium. She's playing an old emotions and I don't think you want to be involved in this mess.  

[ecopper12]

yaoinut

Remember a few things here.

1. You guys broke up for a reason. I don't know what that reason is, but obviously something wasn't clicking.

2. This baby isn't yours. Which means it has a biological father, who may or may not want to be part of the kids life, but even if he doesn't, I don't think he's going to want to find out it was named after an ex.

3. The name thing. It isn't really endearing so much as kinda desperate. This ex is essentially using her pregnant status to show how much she misses you, by saying she'll name the kid who isn't yours, after you. Think about the complex this kid might have when they grow up, finding out they were a ploy for mummy to get her ex-boyfriend back.

My advice, cut contact completely or least keep it too a minium. She's playing an old emotions and I don't think you want to be involved in this mess.

About number 2, she said she told her current boyfriend (The one who impregnated her) about the name thing. He said it was alright, but he doesn't know the story behind the name.

I never thought that she would actually do something like what you are saying...

I don't want to cut contact, because I feel like I am obligated to help her if she needs someone to talk to.

She's not that much older than me, and I'm 15.

This is too much to handle right now.  

[wo_nyrmo]

You could even further what yaoinut was saying in #3 by adding that with being prego comes emotions, and not to mention the fack raising a kid as a single parent is a hard task so maybe she is looking for someone relyable to play the father figure role and thus why she is trying to get back to you.

Anywho, my advice is obviously let her know that you are friends and only friends. If she won't accept that then it's time to let things go. You guys broke up for a reason. If she wasn't over you she shouldn't have moved on and slept with someone else.  

[Aaditya]

She's tryin to snag you back in by using the kid, but it's not your issue. You should not feel obligated to get with her, and tell her that you've moved on. You might feel like a d**k but it sounds like you're on your way to being over her while she's not over you.  

[Kosai Avonej]

ecopper12

I don't want to cut contact, because I feel like I am obligated to help her if she needs someone to talk to.

You arn't obligated to do anything, you owe her nothing. Don't sell yourself into fatherhood out of pity because thats where your thinking will eventually lead you, in the end your obligation could be the biggest regret of your life.  

[Intoxikace]

Stay away from her.. sounds like she isn't happy with her relationship and wants to be back with you.
But she is pregnant, she has a baby on the way.. and the reason why she is probably reaching out to you is because she is having issues with her baby's daddy. With good reason too.. they are obviously both very stressed out and if he is also 15 he is going to be doing a fair bit of freaking out.. so since their relationship is rocky she's looking at other options.
Probably through her eyes looking back on your relationship it wasn't nearly as bad as this current relationship and she wants that back.

Unless you want to deal with diaper duty and raising a child.. don't get sucked in.. she doesn't know what she wants entirely and is very much confused.. don't put yourself out in this situation.  

[Yaoinaut]

I suppose I made it sound like she has be evil. Not intentional, those were just the first reasons that came to mind.

I did forget the possibility of pregnancy emotions. Hormones can really mess with you while pregnant, so if she's feeling insecure about either being in an uncertain relationship or a single mother, she's probably looking back to her last truly stable relationship with forced rose-tinted glasses.

She wants support, but she's probably muddled over the type she needs and wants.

You've said it's too much too handle and that your only 15. A kid is not something you need to deal with. She starts making suggestions or being flirty, you need to be tough and put a stop to it. No letting that feeling of obligation get in the way. You didn't get her pregnant, you owe her nothing.  

[comfylove]

It's not your problem. Don't worry about it.

Besides, aren't you like, 15? 14? Children should not be worried about raising children.  

[Lychee Fruit]

Block her, change your name, move out and run away. She's looking for a baby-daddy to pay that kid's bills. If you get all cozy with her now, she'll use that to manipulate YOU into child support somebody else owes her. And courts of law, they'll go AFTER a man, lawyers will paint YOU to be a dead-beat dad, DNA or no. She'll tell people you led her on. Trust me dude, you don't want this over your head. Treat it like a live grenade.


edit - Also, just saying.  

[PainfullyVivid]

This honestly sounds a little suspicious and desperate. While you were together for a year, this was when you were like what? 13? 14?

Naming your child after someone who was your ex-boyfriend, especially when you were and still are young, sounds a little desperate especially if she is still with the father.

I'd tell her not to name the child after you because that isn't fair to the father or you. Talk to her if she needs it but make sure this doesn't evolve into you helping her out with the baby just because you know her or went out with her.

She doesn't sound like someone you want to encourage to move back closer to you and, from what it sounds like, try to win you back.  

[Nexus Carbuncle]

Well, you don't sound too comfortable with this. If you're not comfortable, you need to tell her.

It just doesn't seem appropriate to me that anyone would name a child after an ex. I'm not trying to say anything about either you or her; its just doesn't seem like something you should do. confused

Now, you said you feel obligated to to be able to talk to her and whatnot if she needs you. But, you see, you're fifteen. You've other things to worry about.

Anyway, fifteen or not, you should never stop yourself from doing what's best for you, just because you feel obligated to someone else; you're headed toward nothing but regret and bad decisions that way.

 

[~ Milk Mynk ~]

Why do you feel obligated?  

[Amazing Afro Girl]

Um...Wow. That's kinda scary, and I'm not sure what to say...

I think you should let her know how you feel about the situation. That's the best advice I can think of.