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 Posted: Fri Jun 18, 2010 11:03 am
I'm new to the poly lifestyle. But I'm not really sure how to tell if I'm in love with my new girlfriend. It's odd, because I'm in love with my fiance, but it's somehow different. My fiance is also my Master, and I need Him. My love for Him is wrapped up and intertwined with the fact that I couldn't live without Him. But I'm not sure if it's supposed to be that way for everyone. Are you supposed to need the person you're with, just by nature? Cause if that's the case, I don't love my girlfriend. Cause I don't feel like I couldn't live without her. I feel like she's amazing and beautiful, and I'd sacrifice almost anything to make her happy. But ultimately, I want her to stay with me, I don't need her to. And despite how much I care about her, it's making me question whether or not I truly love her. Because if push came to shove, which would never happen, I would chose Him over her. Such a situation wouldn't happen, but if it did, I know who I'd chose. Which just reinforces my doubt.
On top of that, if this really is love, why is it different? I guess I've just constantly operated under the opinion that love would just be the same, no matter who you loved, and I'm not sure if that's accurate anymore. Again, if this is love, which I have doubts about, but am still fairly certain of, I don't love her in the same way as I love Master, and it's beyond the whole need thing. It's just different. Not less, not more, but just a hint of. Like apples and oranges. They're both fruit, I like both of them, but they aren't the same.
Cliff Notes Version:
Does lack of need mean that a person isn't in love?
Is love for two different people fundamentally different, or should it be the same?
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Posted: Fri Jun 18, 2010 12:02 pm
Love is always different. Even for someone who isn't polyamorous. Say they have a partner, but they break up. The person soon finds another partner, but they can't/don't love that person in the same way as they did the last. That's not to say they don't love the new person just as much, they just love them in a different way. See what I'm saying? Different people love in different ways. Love isn't one solid, unchanging thing.
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Posted: Sat Jun 19, 2010 11:45 am
I think I'm realizing that. The problem is that I've only ever loved one person, so I hadn't experienced anything different. I'm just struggling with the fact I've been used to one thing for so long, the new one feels different and therefor I doubt it, if that makes sense at all.
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Posted: Sat Jun 19, 2010 12:30 pm
The difference and variety is what makes it fun for some. However, it can also be a bad thing. It's up to you to decide whether you can put up with that or not.
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