Welcome to Gaia! ::

So here's my issue. Bear with me, it's a bit long, but I'll sum up at the end.

I've been with my current partner (NOb) for a cumulative total of 18 months, more or less. We met in our campus Stonewall group, and he initially approached me for casual sex, not as relationship. At the time, I was in an LD relationship with a girl on who I was very emotionally dependent, and who was very protective of me. She encouraged me to be with him for the sex, that being the only thing she couldn't give me, and he was comfortable with that. We began to develop feelings for each other. There was a bit of a mess when that happened, initially, but she and I came to an agreement and things calmed down. Over that summer, she and I split. I asked NOb for a break in the relationship, possibly a permanent one, while I reassessed what I was doing with my life. I came to the conclusion that I needed to straighten myself out, but that staying away from the people I loved wasn't going to do me any good.

Eight months later, I'm happier, healthier, and still with NOb.

Despite the long distance aspect of my brief time with two partners, it was a very happy time for me. I am a very friendly person, free with my emotions and my affections. I've got a bit of a tactile fixation, too. I'm the very definition of a cuddle monster, and I love to talk. Because of this, sometimes I worry that I'm too intense, or that I'm just too much for one person to handle all the time. Maybe it comes from being the big brother for 16-odd years. Maybe not. Whatever it is, I delighted in being able to lavish attention on two people, because I felt that by doing so, I wasn't quite as overwhelming to either of them.

NOb has been encouraging me to find a second partner again. Whether s/he joins both of us depends on their gender and how they feel about it, but he's made his reasoning clear, and I agree with him. Another partner would be nice. The trouble is, I haven't gone looking for partners in....almost ever. I'm almost always approached, rather than doing the approaching, and I have no idea where to begin. Not only do I not have the faintest clue how to approach someone from my position, I live in a rather straight-laced town and am worried that I will have to go looking in the larger, more open city in the next state (roughly 30 minutes away). This may be the best place to look, but distance was part of the reason the girl and I didn't last. I'm not sure what to do with myself.

In short: I'm looking for a new partner and am not sure how to go about it because of personal and locally cultural roadblocks.

D'aw crap, I'd just written a long post but then my browser crashed >.< So this probably will not be as good as the first time I tried to say it D:

There are some poly-friendly dating sites such as OKcupid or polymatchmaker which are pretty good for meeting other poly-folk. Otherwise you can always search for a polyamorous meet up group near you to meet other polys at.

Otherwise, just treat it as though you're single. Go out and meet new people, you don't necessarily have to tell people right away that you're in a poly relationship- after all how awkward would it be to start conversations off with spouting relationship status and details? Though you will have to tell them eventually, and hopefully before any emotional investment, but you can wait awhile in the first conversation, while you chat and just get to know one another. Get a feel for it, make sure you're interested, maybe try to feel out whether or not the other person would have the same interest in you.

And you know, if you have a crush on someone express that. Especially if you already know them and they know you're with NOb, because they may feel the same but not express it because they don't want to complicate things with NOb. Granted, you will get rejected, but everyone does poly, single, swinger, whatever, ya know?