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 Posted: Tue Mar 23, 2010 8:19 pm
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Posted: Wed Mar 24, 2010 5:48 pm
Oh, Mana! *swoon!* There's something about him that just steals your attention. Example: In the Dix Infernal behind the scenes when Seth is talking and Mana pops his head in the door... You don't even pay attention to Seth anymore. You just stare and go "MANA-SAMAAAA!" ...At least this is what I do. ^///^ Tee hee. My friend and I always go on about how he's synonymous to God and put "dix" into everything. Yes, we are annoying fangirls. DON'T JUDGE. O________________O Proof of our fangirliness that I hope someone will enjoy:  Jrock macros are brainless but awesome. This happened while we were watching it because we couldn't stop laughing at this and Seth's awkward headbanging. There are several others, but I should probably post them in the actual macro thread. Yeah, sorry I'm kind of spamming your thread with all my fangirl juices. I should probably say something contributive to a conversation, but I'm braindead at the moment.
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Posted: Thu Mar 25, 2010 4:12 am
Mindless worshiping of Mana-sama is more than welcome here. It's funny, though. When I opened that pic of the interview you were talking about, you were right. My eyes immediately went to Mana-sama, and it took a minute for me to adjust and realize anything else was going on. .-.
I have a weird story about Mana-sama being synonymous to God. A few months ago, when I really started getting into my Mana-sama worshipping, I told my best friend about him. At first she was like O.o wtf? Then, after a few days, she was like obsessed with him just like I was. That's exactly what happened to me...I saw him, I was like "O.o Interesting...*moves on*", then BOOM...Slowly, it ate away at my mind. My interest grew and I became obsessed...
ANYWAY! RIGHT! WEIRD STORY! It starts with my best friend...She made a joke about how maybe Mana-sama IS God and he works in mysterious ways. She had been having a tooth ache ALL day and had scheduled an appointment to go see a dentist..So, I prayed to Mana-sama to help make the pain go away. Didn't even tell her about it, but as soon as I was done, she texted me like, "Wtf is going on? My tooth pain magically went away." I told her about me praying..and we were like OMG WE SHOULD PRAY MORE OFTEN! So, when I got a headache later, she prayed and it went away.
Okay really weird part. Kinda naughty part. x_x We were joking about...nude pics of Mana-sama and me wanting to see some. She said, "Maybe if you pray, he'll send you some...but he'll do it in a way that you can't share them with anyone else. Like e-mail them to you and then your e-mail gets warped or something." So, okay. I jokingly prayed. That night, I had the weirdest dream of my life. It was SOOO real. One of those dreams where you can FEEL everything and it's first person. In the dream, I got an e-mail...Guess what was in the e-mail.....o____O Omg, I know it was probably just my mind doing it because I talked about it earlier, but omg it was wicked awesome. Really detailed pics. I woke up and I was like, "OMG OMG OMG! O___O I SAW NUDEEES!" My friend was right in saying it would be in a way that I wouldn't be able to share. O_O
But lemme tell you..either way, I worship Mana-sama now. I actually have a lot of weird stories revolving around Mana-sama, including some weird numerology in my life that makes me think I was meant to find Mana-sama's music so it could inspire me to do something. o_o I dunno. I'll stop rambling now. .-.
PS: I would like to add I would never joke about Mana-sama n***s now or anything. Back then, my level of respect for him was not as great as it is now, and I do not in any way disrespect him by even THINKING about him in such ways. o.o I can't even download his music. I've tried. Gets like 80% of the way done, I start crying and feeling guilty, cancel the download. T-T
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Posted: Thu Mar 25, 2010 4:52 am
I would like to take a few moments to share my story of how Mana-sama not only changed, but saved my life. It is my hope that one day that I will be able to have a well enough grasp on the Japanese language to write him a letter telling him of my story and my thanks. (Sounds kinda creepy when I say it out loud, but it'll make more sense later on. I just really want to thank him for saving my life). I would like to make a note that this story might have some serious imagery to it.
It started a long time ago, long before I even know of Mana-sama. My story starts when I was just 10 years old. It was around that time that I started being forced in and out of therapy for attempted suicides. As a child, I was very isolated and sexually abused, but I won't go into detail about that. I was struggling to enter normal life. I was old enough to have my own taste in music, clothing, art, etc. My tastes were well defined early on. When I was fairly young(I'd say about 5 years old), my favorite cartoon was the Ketchup Vampires. I loved goth things since then. Darkness, vampires, death, destruction, Marilyn Manson. I was, to say the least, an odd child compared to the norm.
Middle school was such a blur for me. I acted out so much. Cutting myself, ripping my hair out, attempts to cut my throat(that was all before the end of 6th grade). I'm not saying I had it harder than anyone else, but simply my coping skills were not where they needed to be. In my opinion, everything happens for a reason, and I wouldn't be who I am today if it wasn't for my past and my actions. Anyway, needless to say, I was a bit of an outcast. My friend couldn't deal with my level of drama, which is totally understandable looking back on how I acted. I was isolated, as I had been all my childhood, in a world of my own making.
High school just made things harder. I was at the point where people believed I should be able to make proper decisions for myself, able to handle criticism, able to handle bullies, but I wasn't. I was torn and broken. My emotions were so overwhelming, as I have always been quite an emotionally sensitive person, that even just the beginning of high school proved too difficult for me. As my cutting became worse, I was institutionalized. After that, I just became numb inside. There were no emotions. No sadness. No happiness. No pain, sorrow, joy, nothing. Just an empty hole. I would skip school nearly everyday and just sit in a quiet room by myself, doing absolutely nothing for hours. Time went on. My life continued in such a way that I wasn't living really at all. I ran away from home at 15. I dropped out of high school at 16, and shortly afterwards obtained my GED. I flunked out of two colleges, had several short failed relationships, and began severely falling out with my parents. I dated a boy for a while, and when he left me, I felt no emotion. No sadness, nor longing. I was empty as I had been for so long. It was at that point I decided my life would be better off ending there. I was carrying on for no purpose, in my opinion.
Then it happened. I saw a picture. I single picture of Mana-sama and Gackt standing next to each other. To be honest, my first obsession went to Gackt. I had never listened to jrock or anything else from Japan before in my life. I had no idea who those people were...and my obsession went to him. Mana-sama was..interesting, but having only seen one picture, I wasn't interested enough to pursue any further information on him. Slowly, though, it ate away at me. I found myself going back to my saved files and looking at the picture. Then, on the day that I decided I was going to kill myself, I was writing out a letter to my parents explaining why. I got this..sudden urge to look back at the photo once more, so I did. I decided..."I want to know this person's name before I die." I looked it up.
Something clicked inside my mind after reading about Mana-sama. I had this want to look up his band on youtube. So I did. The first song I saw was Deflower. I opened the link. The music began to play. It...was indescribable. There was a flood of emotions in my heart. For the first time in years, I smiled and cried. It felt like something was touching me deep inside my soul. I closed my eyes and listened. Then again. And again. Each time, more emotions came flooding to the forefront of my heart. I could feel again. I felt life surge through me. I felt inspired. Instead of continuing to write my letter, I listened to more music. I read more. Searched for more pictures. Got in contact with my old friends for whatever reason. I just felt..new. I felt....like I wasn't alone anymore.
That isolated feeling I had since I was so young was gone from that day forward. When I listen to Mana-sama's music, it feels like there is someone out there in this world who I could probably sit down, have a deep conversation with, and they would understand my feelings. It feels like somewhere out there...there is someone who hears the same music in their head that I've heard my whole life and who is inspired by the same things I am. It changed me. I, for the first time, began thinking of the future. Instead of, "I can't believe what happened...," my life became more of, "I can't wait to see what happens." I realized I wanted to be a teacher. To inspire others like Mana-sama inspired me. I started sharing Mana-sama's music and image with anyone would take the 5 minutes to listen. Mana-sama changed my life so much. His music, his vision, his clothing, everything about him saved my life. I was a child on the brink of destruction after many years of being alone and hurt. It was as if Mana-sama, himself, reached out, grabbed my hand, and pulled me out of the world of nothingness that I had fallen into.
I wish that someday, just once, I can tell him thank you. While that will probably never happen...I just wish he knew how much his music does mean to people out there like me. I wish I could tell him how he saved my life and how he continues to inspire me to be a better person each day. Because of him, I have a new found appreciation for the beauty in life, for classical music and I have even begun writing again, something that was a passion of mine years ago that I lost during my empty times. He is my inspiration. If it wasn't for Mana-sama, I would not be here writing this today.
Well, thank you for listening. I'm sorry that I went on and on. x_x I just had so much to tell...Have a wonderful day everyone!
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Posted: Thu Mar 25, 2010 3:47 pm
Thank you so much for sharing that. I wouldn't be brave enough to post that on the internet, I really wouldn't.
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Posted: Fri Mar 26, 2010 11:49 am
It's the sort of thing that can be touchy to post on the internet, but I suppose I have nothing to hide, so it's not a big deal for me. Anyway, you never know, perhaps posting it on the net is the only way for Mana-sama to ever find it. (Lol. Like THAT would ever happen, just saying).
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