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“Oh, my God, if one more person gets on that line before we get there, I swear I’ll scream,” mumbled Cole, wiping his sweaty face.
An old lady and her grandson waddled onto the lengthy queue.
Cole gripped his hair in frustration and shouted, “Mother—”
Alix clamped a hand over his boyfriend’s mouth. “Language in public areas,” he warned. “Remember what happened last time. I doubt the NYPD is willing to forgive and forget that easily.”
They came to a stop at the end of the line. Cole sighed loudly. The little boy in front of them turned around, looked curiously at Alix and Cole, and then quickly spun back around.
Cole sighed again, this time heaving a huge, overdramatic breath and blowing it out of his mouth, ruffling the old lady’s hair. She put a hand to the back of her head and looked back warily towards Cole. He grinned at her toothily. As soon as she turned around, the smile dropped off his face. Tiptoeing to see over the crowd, he muttered, “I know just the trick.”
He leaned in close to the old lady’s ear and whispered, “I like to take his c**k up my a** every night. Sometimes, we have threesomes with the twelve-year-old boy next door. But when he’s not there, we usually just have my dog sub in.”
The lady gasped in horror, grabbed her grandson roughly, and hustled away from the line, casting fearful glances back at Cole. He waved. She moved faster.
Alix eyed the exchange warily. “Cole, what exactly did you just say?” He punched Cole in the arm when he didn’t answer.
“Ow, relax,” said Cole. “I just told her a…mildly modified truth, that’s all.” Alix glared at his boyfriend as they inched forward in the line. “This is gonna take forever,” muttered Cole. He glanced over at Alix cautiously, and then at the two teenage boys in front of them. Looking away innocently, he reached out and gave one of the boys’ asses a quick squeeze.
The boy whipped around to his friend and whispered harshly, “Dude, I told you not in public!”
Cole raised an eyebrow and snorted. “The closet is for clothes, not queers,” he said lightly. The pair spun around and glared at him.
Alix kicked Cole in the shin. “Cole,” he said in warning.
“What? Just some friendly advice. I didn’t even know they were gay until that one grabbed that one’s a**,” he said feigning innocence. “You should totally be more open about these things. Less embarrassing.”
“That wasn’t me, that was you, asshat,” shouted one of the boys. Cole held up his hands defensively.
“Hey, I already have a boyfriend,” he said, snatching up Alix’s arm. “I don’t need to be pushing up on yours.”
Both boys blushed a furious red, and then stormed away without another word. “If you would stop touching me in public, people wouldn’t know,” he heard on boy hiss.
“It wasn’t me! If I was going to touch you in public, I’d at least go for something good,” replied the other.
“Well,” said Cole, “that was different than I anticipated, but the outcome is still favorable. Only…” He craned his neck, trying to count how many people were still ahead of them. When the number reach over seven, he gave up and shouted, “Hi, guys! I’m about to sexually assault this man standing next to me. It’s probably going to be extremely raunchy and very gay. If you don’t want to see a particularly pornographic display of affection, I suggest you leave on my count of three.”
“COLE!” Alix whapped his boyfriend on the arm again, hoping to discourage him. No such luck, as he should have well known.
“1…2…3!” Cole turned and threw himself on Alix, who didn’t exactly struggle as hard as he could have. He kissed Alix sloppily with an overdramatized air, moaning loudly and unnecessarily. He glanced out of the corner of his eye and saw that some people were starting to leave. He upped his antics, panting, whimpering, and touching Alix all over.
People gasped and rushed away from the scene as Cole stumbled closer and closer to the counter. He pulled away from Alix, who immediately started berating him and beating him around the head. “But-but, Alix,” Cole said happily, “look! We’re at the register.”
He turned around, faced the shocked cashier, and said proudly, “Two lemonades, please!”
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