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I am curious about how everyone here feels about Muslims dating. Personally, I always planned to follow the traditional route of meeting someone in a non-intimate setting to see if we are compatible, rather than having any sort of dating relationship. That way feels better to me, and I see the wisdom in it. However, I know that some young Muslims do have boyfriends or girlfriends.

So, opinions? Is dating ok for Muslims, and if so, what are the guidelines and limits? For those who are married already, did you date the person beforehand? I'm really curious to see what people think about this.

I personally would say no, dating is not ok.

For me.. my story is a complicated one ^^; and I admit that we didn't go about it completely the proper way either. When my now-husband and I met, we were 16/17. We met online, we fell in love, and we "dated", though we never met. I wasn't a muslim back then, and never planned to be. Of course, there were too many differences between us. And after a short period, everything crashed.

I now see that this spurred him on to start learning more and more about Islam, become a better muslim, go back to the basics, and I say Alhamdulillah for that.
We didn't speak to each other for over two years, until we met again (now in real life). I had changed so much that I was looking into Islam now.

We tried to keep our emotions at bay. We spoke a lot online, and sometimes we imposed limits (such as speaking 1 hour a week).

To be honest, I don't know if I would have married as easily had I not known my husband beforehand. I felt a lot more comfortable this way, even though I knew we were treading on thin ice, because sometimes it was difficult for us *not* to speak to each other 24/7.
I'm glad we stuck to our limits, and didn't cross the red lines of flirting, being very emotional, touching each other, or being alone together.

Whenever we met in person, his sister would be with us, so there was always a third person. Although we knew we wouldn't cross that line. (I used to shock my non-muslim friends by saying I'd never given my husband more than a handshake before we got married xD)

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I say no to dating, because you get too close. Emotions and feelings and intimacy can very easily cloud your judgement in trying to determine who would be a suitable husband/wife. For my husband and I it was extremely important that we knew our basics were aligned, that we had the same viewpoints on the major aspects of (married) life, that we "fit".

Also, in a sense, *not* touching each other, not being close or being alone together gives such a feeling of empowerment, it's very hard to describe. It also makes that moment where you do get to be together so so very special.

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Arranged marriages, well.. there is nothing wrong with your family suggesting a suitable person if they know of one. In Islam, you have a choice to marry, so you should always be able to say yes or no. Arranged is not the same as forced.

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Halal dating, I'm not sure how that would be xD I mean, of course you need to meet your potential husband, you need to speak and get to know each other. E-mail and such offer great possibilities as well and you can meet in the right circumstances. I don't know if you can call that dating though xD

Wow, great answer, you two..
Actually I'm also curious..
I always want to try dating, feel how it feel to have a gf whenever see my friends dating.
Stick to Islam rules sometimes not easy.
I hate to say it, but never had a single gf isn't really usual around here. (Well, I said it.. But I guess it's okay here).

Anyway, you two met your soulmate online? eek
Hm.. I wonder if someone in this guild is my future wife.. :p

Agreed ^^

@ Shinigami Vayth:

Unlike this sister, i talked to Tom like....4 hours a day XD
Really, when he would sign on, i would get very happy and then we would discuss issues from global warming to why you see someone yawn, you instinctively yawn xD

I met him on a forum based site in the political discussion area smile

Really? I thought internet is the esiest way for being not honest.. Or at least I thought most people use it that way..




Wow, from global warming to yawn? Cool!
I always thought net-dating is the least potential way to find a soulmate.
Never thought some people really succeed..

Well, it's still a long way for me too anyway.
Even though there're many successful women nowadays, my pride won't allow it if I'm far behind my wife.. xd

Anyway, for my opinion about arranged marriage, I think the parents should just introduce the candidate, but let us decide the final decision.
It's what my parents do to my brother. Well, he's not a girl, but I believe that can be applied too for girls.
(But I wonder when he will say yes to any of them.. *sigh* )

I like the idea of meeting over the internet. Besides if you would like to know how accurate their picture is you could talk about investing in web cams. wink However, it would be nice to go on a group date a couple of times. I feel that meeting the person in real life at least 3 times is required. I have mixed feelings about arranged marriages. As long as you can actually meet the person (in a public setting of course) and have the right to say no, I think its okay.
As far as the American concept of dating is concerned, I don't feel comfortable with it at all. Though sadly, it is considered weird to never have had a boyfriend. (I'm glad to be weird then. rolleyes ) I recall some interesting things that occured with my sister's boyfriends. . . However, most of her dating was very public. Group dates and having the boy hang out with the family. She's a bit conservative too. xd

This might be a silly thing to drag in...but what about speed dating?
Speed Dating in case anyone isn't familiar with it ^^;;;

really speed dating ? i think we did that but i didnt know that was it called