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I personally am of the belief that a person can only have one soul mate. I have begun to hear partial theories otherwise from people.

This is getting brought up because Nikki is mine. and Josh.. I can hardly connect with at any point. He has dumped her twice now, and come back. I have cried so many times over the fact that he says he has so much pain, and yet is right there with her when I am so many states away. How could he leave her, and say he is in so much pain, come back and pretend everything is fine?

I'm having trouble saying this as just a debate topic, but it will turn into a debate no doubt so that's why I have put it here.

Questions:

Do you believe in soul mates?

If you do, can there be more than one?

What should a person do who feels they only have one, as relates to being in a polyamorous relationship?

I will post these questions in the thread as well.

Alright. I said my piece over in the 102 thread, but for sake of activity in the guild and perhaps more sharing in the guild rather than the thread I'll be posting here too. Hope you don't mind the cross-post!


Well my version of a soul mate may be a little different than what others would call a soul mate. I don't believe in a soul mate as in there is 'the One' out there for you. Not saying that people who believe it are naive or wrong or something, I'm just terribly skeptical about the whole thing. Maybe it's because out of about 6.5 billion people of the world I'd find it horribly convenient if everyone (or even near-everyone/a lot of people) were able to find their soul mate especially if they're the type not to move around much or maybe it's because I just like to believe otherwise because I would find it really tragic if there was a 'One' out there for everyone but one person lives in say Edmonton and the other in Cairo and they never get to meet (though the internet has helped quite a bit with both of the issues above). But I disgress...

But I do believe in a version of soul mates, but like I said, it may be different than what you'd think. A soul mate to me as it fits in with my beliefs is a bond formed between souls who have happened to reincarnate together before, this can be formed between two people, this can be formed between a bunch of people and it comes through in different ways (not always as romantic love between all involved). I don't think that if a person doesn't meet one of their soul mates that they wouldn't be able to find love or happiness. These bonds can form all the time with new people and the strength of this bond can fade over time if one doesn't reincarnate around the same people often anymore. It isn't so much that your soul mate is a match for you, like a puzzle piece, rather more there is simply a strong connection of familiarity with that person even if you just met for the first time in this lifetime. I don't think I'm really explaining it as it stands in my head, or really portraying it properly, but ah well. In short soul-mates for me is less in the 'mated pair' type mate and more the 'a person with whom one is in close association' mate.

So for me there is absolutely no reason that one wouldn't have many soul mates, but that doesn't necessarily mean these people are meant to be your lover(s ), does this mean that you'll necessarily run into them this time around or even that you'd be in eachothers lives for a long time *if* you did manage to find one another

In short: Yes I believe in soul mates. Yes I believe you can have more than one.

As for how the belief that you can only have one relates to a poly relationship... The way I see it I think at best the person would either have a V style relationship (or be the far end of a W or be in a triangle with a stick or in other words some sort of mono/poly relationship) OR have a very strictly hierarchical poly relationship with clear primary, secondary, tertiary, etc relationships in order of priority and strength of the bond. There are probably a number of other options avalible, but those seem like the two most likely to come into play down the line if they're really serious and put a lot of stock into 'the One' concept. Though it depends on what the other person believes as well and how they feel to others besides the one professed 'soul mate'.

Though I think the problems with Nikki and Josh lay beyond the soul mate delima. Just because there are problems in a relationship that need to be worked out doesn't mean that people are not 'soul mates'. Sometimes the connection is very strong there but events in our lives have caused us to form unhealthy boundaries and/or ineffective ways of communicating with one another (or even just with specific people with specific traits that bring up an aggressive or defensive side of ourselves). Because as far as I am concerned if I were to theoretically believe in a One soul-mate concept I would probably believe that this was something being decided long before I was born, and the experiences I go through in life and the experience my soul mate would go through in life would alter us from what we originally were and could cause us to have connection but be hard to relate to one another. With enough time, effort and perhaps professional help these problems are likely able to be worked through if both parties are willing, so I don't find that fihting in a relationship automatically means the people aren't soul mates and having a smooth relationship automatically means the people are soul mates. From what you described things seem pretty rocky between Nikki and Josh and perhaps what is needed for them would be a form of counselling to help them to communicate safely, express how they feel and work through the problems they're having to perhaps help their relationship become more healthy and stable. (soul mate related or not I really would recommend this for them so they can stop this hurtful cycle between the two of them).

I do believe in soul mates, but I also believe you can have more then one.

What is a soul mate; to me, it's a person you've known and loved in a past life.

You should read, Brida by Paulo Coelho.

I definitely don't believe in soul mates. A person changes so much in the term of his or her life, to find one person who will magically grow to compliment you in every way that you change sounds to me, preposterous.

As for having more than one? Still sounds wrong to me. "Soul Mate" is a term coined to symbolize the finding of ones true love, being only one person who would match with you for eternity - hence the mention of a soul. I do believe in the existence of many true loves, because only you can understand what love within yourself you would call "true" and what loves are more of a burst of emotional feeling, lust, or some other derivative.

I originally posted this thread out of a large bit of confusion.

Technically I CAN see there being multiple soul mates, but it is up to the person involved to decide. I guess that's what makes the difference between someone who would be monogamous and someone who is not. A desire for more than one soul mate connection.

But I do believe soul mates exists, but the relationships do take work to ..hm. Maybe soul mate connections are formed out of the fact of putting your soul into the relationship, and not just being in the relationship for the sake of having a partner alone.