~Swallowed up in the sounds of my screaming, cannot sleep for the fear of silent nights. Oh how I long for the deep sleep dreaming, the goddess of imaginary lights~
So, it's happened. I almost saw it coming. My parents are getting a divorce. Why didn't I really expect it? Whenever my parents went out to like dinner, my mom had to try and drag him out for like 3 days before he actually WOULD go. Then they'd just go for something like pizza.
I found out today the details.
My dad didn't want to be married any more. Expected that.
This is what shocked me.
My dad wanted my mom out of the house before summer started. They'd discussed and agreed upon divorce before summer. My mom's going to find housing and get a lawyer after summer ends. She's been looking for a new place for a while, and is trying to find one nearby. She's having troubles finding a place that'll except all of our animals (Dog, cat, fish, guinea pigs, hamster). Apparently, I'll go to the same school since my dad will stay in the same place, and I'll get a ride/bike over to my mom's house after school, since I'll just be "visiting" my dad... sleeping there occasionally like a sleepover.
I'm just so torn.... I want to be angry at my dad, I want to scream and kick and cry until I can only lay on the ground sobbing, yet... I don't blame him =/ I don't feel any of the emotions I should. I'm used to anger. Anger is usually very easy to spot in my actions. But I just feel.... empty? I was crying from sadness. I expected that. I knew that I was going to cry. But I expected to feel something else. I was able to stop long enough to put up an "everything is just peachy" facade while we were leaving the campground where my mom told me. I was silently crying in the back seat of the car for about 20 mins of the hour ride home.
emo I needed to let that out.
I found out today the details.
My dad didn't want to be married any more. Expected that.
This is what shocked me.
My dad wanted my mom out of the house before summer started. They'd discussed and agreed upon divorce before summer. My mom's going to find housing and get a lawyer after summer ends. She's been looking for a new place for a while, and is trying to find one nearby. She's having troubles finding a place that'll except all of our animals (Dog, cat, fish, guinea pigs, hamster). Apparently, I'll go to the same school since my dad will stay in the same place, and I'll get a ride/bike over to my mom's house after school, since I'll just be "visiting" my dad... sleeping there occasionally like a sleepover.
I'm just so torn.... I want to be angry at my dad, I want to scream and kick and cry until I can only lay on the ground sobbing, yet... I don't blame him =/ I don't feel any of the emotions I should. I'm used to anger. Anger is usually very easy to spot in my actions. But I just feel.... empty? I was crying from sadness. I expected that. I knew that I was going to cry. But I expected to feel something else. I was able to stop long enough to put up an "everything is just peachy" facade while we were leaving the campground where my mom told me. I was silently crying in the back seat of the car for about 20 mins of the hour ride home.
emo I needed to let that out.
In my field of paper flowers, and candy clouds of lullaby. I lie inside myself for hours, and watch my purple sky fly over me. I linger in the doorway, of alarm clocks screaming, monsters calling my name.
