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 Posted: Mon Jun 08, 2009 10:43 pm
*points to title*
Any ways it differs from regular monogamous relationships and best way to deal with it when one of your partners is in a abusive relationship with another?
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Posted: Tue Jun 09, 2009 12:57 pm
I would suggest trying to find out why the person being abusive is acting that way, and why the other person accepts the abuse. Mutually they are relating in that manner, and I wonder if they would prefer to stop but don't know how?
Curious, you aren't being abused as well? Then it points to the fact that the issue is just between the two of them and that a lot of communication would be necessary to find out what the REAL issue is that is causing the violence, whether that be verbal or physical I suppose my advice is the same. I hope this helps somewhat...
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Posted: Tue Jun 09, 2009 4:57 pm
It's a triad-turned-V. The other two are F and K. The friend/relationship (it's complicated) between K and I evaporated due to reasons I won't delve into.
Long story short, those two have hideous communication problems due to K being over critical and controlling so it leads to really bad fights between them, It doesn't help that F is a free spirit and comes from a dyfunctional family though it has gotten better somewhat in the past few years.
The relationship between F and I is fine, though stress lately has led to some rocky patches but nothing on the level between F and K. F and I communicate pretty good from what I've seen.
The abuse between F and K is mostly emotional and verbal in nature though things have ended up/nearly destroyed. Hearing about that was one of the reasons I drifted from K, I feared being abused by her.
As for me being abused, some of K's remarks have hurt and I'm wary of another relationship. My homelife is difficult and I know I have some abusive tendencies, I've hit friends in the past, but after it was brought up, I've stopped.
Good lord, this situation is ******** up.
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Posted: Tue Jun 16, 2009 2:05 pm
I would suggest lots of communication. Talk to them about it and suggest improved communication between all of you, tell them you are concerned about them both. There are plenty of books that have good communication techniques and problem solving skills between people (Opening Up by Tristan Taormino actually has a lot of good material for how to maintain relationships and deal with difficult emotions all around and how to communicate more effectively). You could always try to find a poly-friendly counselor and all go together for counseling to help resolve the issues. Then again if it is solely between the two of them sometimes you can point out your concern and point in the right direction, but the only way they will stop is if they both want to and work on it themselves, they own their own feelings and emotions and regardless of what you do you can't force them to change their ways.
But in the end sometimes people just aren't compatible, things just don't work out and it is better for everyone to separate. If you can't work it all out then that may be the best option, it's sad whenever a relationship breaks down like this but sometimes it's for the best.
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