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 Posted: Mon Apr 06, 2009 2:29 am
No need to respond to this, really I just enjoy people looked at it.
My mind is wheezing asthmatic these days, I'm a polyamorous fellow who has found amusement in many a creature.
These days I'm at a low point though. Now to the female in my life at the time I feel...optimistic. She matches me in all the right points, and as an amusing plus she wants to be a man one day. I'll never quite tell her but even when she is a man I can assume to myself she will be the female in my life. No insult but it was how I met her, no need messing about with my psyche.
What I am lacking is in the male department. I do try to connect with men these days but I am having trouble feeling the same sort of chemistry I had with my first abusive boyfriend(a terrible thing). My girlfriend will always give off estrogen to my mind, and I am damned...
I don't know why but it all sorta rose up as I read across some Otakon/Snake items. Between them I always felt a chemistry that no matter how often Snake womanized, and even the one moment in 4 good Hal got laid they...clicked.
I would like to click again. Though pickiness seems to kill me. If I don't feel it viscerally I'm usually off. If they aren't smart enough to me I'm usually off. If I don't feel someone is artistic enough I'm usually off. Moreover if someone betrays me I am off. I don't waste my time, and for the most part don't give second chances.
I wait. I watch. I analyze. I try. Times are difficult. Without people advertising flamboyantly they aren't straight it gets so hard to know who the hell to target. I get scared. Worse I am about to enter the Navy, no gayness for three years if I feel like trying to keep a secret. I feel quite off. Yet somehow I'm optimistic. I'll keep hoping the next dude will come about for myself, cause I never stop trying no matter how monotonous it becomes.
Anyway you can respond to this if you like, or even tell some of your own stories or rant about your own chemistry problems. Ask questions even, I'll be around. I also tend to love to listen to others problems. I just...don't get many chances to solve my own. Anyway I've passed ranting and am onto rambling now, I am off, for now. Peace.
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Posted: Tue Apr 07, 2009 12:12 pm
Oh my. The Navy. You have my biggest and best wishes of luck.
I understand these chemistry problems here, with how far things have come one would expect it to be easier these days (though I do not really know how it was back in "those" days.)
One thing to keep in mind (and I am quite sure you know this) the best things come to those who not only wait, but act as well. Um..not sure if I said that right, but I hope my words help.
You got my belief in ya buddy. wink
Best of luck in love, life, and happiness.
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