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A Parents Guide To J-rock
1.] Don't worry; your kid probably isn't gay, even though the pics hanging next to their bed look like girls.
2.] Don't get your kid an English CD for their birthday or any other gift giving holiday, they probably won't like it.
3.] When they show you a pic of their favorite singer, don't instantly assume that it's a girl, since it probably isn't.
4.] If you walk into the room while they are on the computer and they minimize the window instantly, don't be offended, it's probably for your own protection.
5.] Don't be surprised if their total clothing and make-up style changes
6.] If they start speaking a language that is almost English, but not quite, don't worry. It’s called "Engrish". You'll get used to it.
7.] Don't insult their favorite J-Rockers.
8.] When they start talking about Lucifer, they aren't worshiping Satan.
9.] Buy more ink jet cartridges for the printer, the more pics the fan has the happier they will be.
10.] Don't be surprised when you can no longer talk to your child about anything except Japan/Japanese rockers.
11.] Be prepared to learn more than you ever had, about something you never wanted to know about.
12.] A man in a dress is sexy, no matter what you say, nothing can change that.
13.] Don't correct them when they spell the name "hide" with a lower case h, that's how it's done.
14.] When they collect scrap fabrics to make plushies, don't worry, they aren't practicing voodoo.
15.] It doesn't matter that they don't know what the singers are saying, don't bother arguing about it.
16.] J-Rock isn't a phase and they won't grow out of it
A Parents Guide To J-Rock part 2
1] If your daughter has pictures of Mana or Shinya plastered all over her wall, she's not a lesbian; those are men.
2] If your child gets hyper every time the mailman comes, but turns around to sulk moments later, don't worry your child is not bipolar. Their CDs haven't come yet.
3] If you hear phrases such as "I love Heroin" or "Damn, Discharge is hot", they are not druggies or psychotic. Those are titles of songs.
4] If your child says "Hey Jesus" over and over again, they're singing The GazettE.
5] If your child starts fanning herself at the end of Vidoll's Heroin, don't ask. I SAID DON'T ASK.
6] If your child plans an entire birthday party for their favorite J-Rocker, put the party hat on, eat the damn cake, and listen as she goes on and on about the birthday boy. It may mean the difference between life and death.
7] If you hear a lot of screaming, growling, high-pitched squeals and general strangeness, it's not a sign of a mental disorder. That's Dir en grey Karaoke.
8] Don't be alarmed when your daughter starts talking about how she wishes she can wear booty shorts with the knee skirts just like Uruha.
9] Don’t ask why Myv always changes his style...its something they don't even know.
10] If your child cracks up when they hear "Viking Helmet" don't ask, you would not understand.
11] Never read over your child's shoulder...it may cause mental scarring.
12] If they start adding myv to a lot of words or say things like Cuxy, Meevil, or Spazicity. Don't word they just have the Miyavictionary! Memorized.
13] don't ask when your child makes a shirt that says Kuri Fan Club or Hikari Fan Club and giggles like mad, yet again something you just won't get
14] don't get mad when your child stays up late listening to some psycho named Roger on the computer, Tainted Reality will eventually grow up.
15] Don't freak out when you see them writing what appears to be Satanic messages in chicken scratch on their homework or scrap pieces of paper. They're called hiragana, katakana, and kanji.
16] A gift card for your local post office will be much appreciated, especially if your child is seen collecting random things like glow sticks, Trident, and a trucker cap when they've never expressed an interest in these things before.
17] For your own safety, DO NOT go through the links in your browser's history. This may cause mental scarring.
18] Once again, don't assume your child is involved in some kind of cult when they start making Xs with their arms at the computer screen or when listening to a CD. Get used to this, especially in the spring of 2008.
19] No, Hyde is not a character from a book.
20] When they start giggling uncontrollably when you offer them vanilla ice cream, don't ask. You really don't want to know.
21] Just be comforting and sympathetic when the child starts crying while reading a sentence with ‘hide’ in it.
22] No, 382 and MYV are not gang symbols. Don't call the police just yet.
23] If twice a year, and only twice a year, your child who usually wears darker colors runs around wearing bright pink, do not panic; they're remembering beloved hide.
24] If your child has suddenly taken a great interest in writing outside of school, do not under any circumstances ask to read what they've written. Your eyes and brain will thank you.
A Parents Guide To J-rock Part 3
1] Don't ever ever ever mock the Japanese language, especially if you don't even know what spoken Japanese sounds like. Hint: "hing wong wu bong" isn't it.
2] Parents.... expect your child to ask for a regions free DVD player, and provide one quickly...... they are slowly dying on the inside without one.
3] If your child holds random dates sacred and randomly bakes cakes or does odd things like fireworks don't worry, it’s just their favorite’s birthday/hide or Kami’s death anniversary
4] If your child says that the music is mild or soft rock, do NOT question them, no matter how ‘loud’ it may seem to you.
5] If your child screams the word "fan service" and becomes overwhelmed with uncontrollable giggling, DO NOT LOOK at what they were watching. You may be scarred for life.
6] If your child starts to wear a scarf/bandana/or any other piece of fabric around their nose all the time, don't be alarmed. They have not joined some sort of terrorist group; they just idolize a certain bassist.
7] If you suddenly walk in on them doing strange dances in the middle of their room, do not be alarmed. They've most likely been watching Gackt, Gazette or Psycho Le Cemu
8] If you ever say the words "pistachio", and/or "vanilla" and they burst into laughter, do not ask… It’s for your own safety.
9] If they've ever been singing so loud you have to go in their room, ask what they are singing, and ask them what it's about and they go "Uh, uhmm...yeah...ummm....uhhh....a funnny....uhmm....song?....by....uhhh....Gackt.... yeah....errrr" walk out before they tell you.
10] If they suddenly become a ball of laughter upon seeing a stuffed swan/goose- please don't ask- you WILL be scarred for life.
11] If you find your children wanting to get a white sweater like a man named 'Gara' and they say "It looked good on him!! WHY CAN'T I GET ONE?!" even though they always dress in black and/or will probably spill something on it, just get it! They may go into a severe state of depression if they don’t get it
12] Do not question them when they say the 20th of November is New Years. They will glare at you till you DIE
13] If your child creates an addiction for lollipop, just give them all the lollipops they want. You can blame someone call 'Maya' if you want to, but, please, GIVE THEM the lollipops.
14] If your child seems to be having sudden random seizures, before taking them to a doctor, make sure they are not just imitating Gackt's dancing.
15] do not insult Gackt’s dancing that’s the way he choreographed it and your child loves it
16] If they can't stop giggling when they see Mana...do not as them why SHE is so funny
it will cause them to lose the ability to breath
18] Don't confuse hide and HYDE or the same fate will befallen you.
19] Plushies are not stuffed animals and must be treated with respect. Also, there is no such thing as "Too many plushies."
20] Never question your child's love of men wearing strips of cloth over their noses. Bodily harm will result.
21] When your girl goes to the men's fragrance counter asking for a sample of Platinum Egoiste, she's not getting it for a boyfriend, she just wants to sample Eau du Gackt [or have her Gackt plushie smell like- well- Gackt].
22] There are to be NO interruptions during Moonchild, Oresama, or any J-Rock concert DVD or PV- the trash can wait- trust me, your life may depend on it.
23] If your child spends more time working on fan fics than actual schoolwork, be glad they are expressing their creativity.
24] THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS JROCK ANONYMOUS! J-Rock is for LIFE and the addiction is permanent and thriving- accept it, deal with it, learn to love it!
25] Do not be shocked when they bring home a boyfriend who is just as obsessed
more people than your child are addicts, and they tend to have their own secret community's
26] Articles of clothing will be dubbed with the name of J-Rockers who wear similar items.
27] When in doubt, assume male.
28] Your child now lives, breathes, and eats J-Rock- feed them lots of Kimshi and Soba and cookies and they will be happy!
29] If your child has enough money to go out of town for an extended period of time for "one of their mumbo-jumbo concerts with all the man-girls", DO NOT TRY TO STOP THEM. You will be minus a head if you do. And do not say what I just typed in quotes to them or you will never have children again.
30] If they pass out at the mention of the name "Cindy," don't call 911, just comfort her and NEVER MENTION THAT NAME AGAIN!!
31] If they fangirl over seeing Pocky in the local grocery store, question it not.
32] Don't ever assume any of your child's favorite artists are gay. Yes, they're prettier than you. But that doesn’t make them homosexual. Deal with it.
33] Our music is better than yours. Don't argue.
34] You don't need to remind your child not to ever, ever, ever go out in public dressed like Mana or Miyavi. She already knows that she couldn't look that good in that skirt or wear a hat at such a precarious angle.
35] Rejoice that your child has a social life online; it's better than them getting lost or mugged outside the house.
36] Those aren't hooker shoes; they’re Shinya-boots.
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